[Snowsunshine]

Okay,so If some of You have seen my other posts I AM having one of the worst times of my life so far(suicidal,depressed,anxious and etc).My therapist is amazing and with therapy I've grown and changed a lot.But,after not having a relapse for 3 years I am now in this place and it has made me completely give up on recovery since I believe my mind is so ****ed up it is a waste of time.My therapist then told me that she wants to help but I don't want to be helped.I mean,I want to find some reason to believe again in recovery but it feels impossible.Help,please.

[Argonautomobile]

Sorry things are so tough right now, Snow. Hang in there.

[growlycat]

I don't know if this helps but I think a lot of us here have been in that position too but come through. I didn't think I'd live past twenty five. Every day everything hurt so much. You need a good therapist and just keep going. I'm sorry it seems so hopeless. I hope you get to the opposite side of the pain soon.

[mostlylurking]

If you've grown and changed a lot, maybe it will be easier to begin recovering from this relapse? Maybe your ability to work your way out of it, with your T's help, will show you something about how much you've grown and how good your connection is with your T.

Even if you can't feel hopeful emotionally, maybe you could try to hang on to that idea, that experiment, in the rational part of your brain. This time being plunged into the deeps might be different than before. You won't know until you give things a little time. I know that's hard when you're seriously suffering.

[ramonajones]

I hear what you're saying. It's so incredibly painful to be in this place. I was "safe" from it for 15 years and have relapsed over the last three and it's been absolutely terrifying. It's so hard to keep going. Just wanted you to know that there's other people going through this too. It is brutal.

Originally Posted by Snowsunshine

Okay,so If some of You have seen my other posts I AM having one of the worst times of my life so far(suicidal,depressed,anxious and etc).My therapist is amazing and with therapy I've grown and changed a lot.But,after not having a relapse for 3 years I am now in this place and it has made me completely give up on recovery since I believe my mind is so ****ed up it is a waste of time.My therapist then told me that she wants to help but I don't want to be helped.I mean,I want to find some reason to believe again in recovery but it feels impossible.Help,please.

Sometimes we go backwards to go forward. It's a sign we're leaving what was a known place, be that what you describe, so we hope back and hold it again. But it doesn't last. It's just not the same. When we let go finally, we're in a new place. That is recovery

[speckofdust]

Snowsunshine-

I am sad to read that you are suffering so much. I can empathize with you about relapsing. I had a phone conversation at the end of last week with my T because I feel as bad now as I did almost two years ago when I first started seeing her. I asked her if I should even bother to keep seeing her - maybe someone else could benefit more from my weekly time slot. She wants me to keep my appointments, and says she doesn't want me to give up.

In some ways, I think relapsing is even more difficult than the initial onset because it feels like all the time and work that went into feeling some degree better was pointless. Getting back up and fighting again seems harder to do.

I think that what a few others wrote about sticking with therapy and seeing if what you've accomplished and learned so far will make feeling better again a quicker process is a good way of looking at the situation. It's a good test of the process, anyway.

For me, it's getting past feeling that I'm not worth the time and energy to go through this again. I know my T doesn't believe I'm unworthy, and I'm trusting in her ability to see my circumstances from an objective perspective.

I'm still not confident about getting off the ground, but I I'm going to try. I hope you will have great success and get to feeling better soon!