After my post last week about T's photo coming at the wrong time. I recurrence another from her yesterday. Just a short not saint "see you Monday" and a photo.
Aha! I think. I wonder if she realised the time she sent the other one was out of balance? Anyways, it was a nice confirmation that I do indeed go back this Monday.

Last night I had a dream that I go back to session after this break and T is coming ought with a pile of wedding in her arms, says something about one of her sons (never does in therapy) and she herself is in her pjs and living in temporary accommodation after being made homeless.
Really? All my insecurities being played out by T? Do I enjoy witnessing her bare these with a strength of fear I wouldn't have?
At this point I feel she's the same T I know, caring, alert, focused on me. Then I begin to lose that. I'm laying on her bed I begin to talk, she doesn't really have an answer. Her attention isn't on me. The feeling of being contained goes. I feel like the washing I first saw her carrying out. Then I realise, that not T! That's my mother!
I could feel how I feel womith T in real life, to how I felt growing up.
T has often said, "you're afraid I'll turn into your mother ".

[t0rtureds0ul]

Hey Mouse, thats a fascinating dream! I've got a ton of questions - I really hope you dont mind me asking them - I dont mean to offend or upset you so just ignore this post if you want! I'm new to these boards, so if this is stuff you've already posted about - sorry!

I've never experienced any kind of maternal transference, so I dont really understand how it works. Do you just wish your T was your mum, or is it deeper than that? Like, do you ever actually believe your T is or could be a mother figure to you? Do you know why your T was in temporary accomodation? And why she was fearful? Was your own mum often fearful? Why is this important to you? I cant tell whether you are proud of not feeling that 'strength of fear', or whether you wish you could experience it, or whether your T experiencing it is something you look down on her for, or up to her for!

Do you feel that your T doesnt pay you enough attention in rl? Have you grown up with innatentive parents, or is needing to be the centre of attention something that features in your life regularly? And are you really afraid your T will turn in to your mother, or do you want her to turn in to your mother?

Not sure I can answer all your questions.
I think being adopted ams never been 'claimed' by my adoptive mother, I always feared losing my home. I guess it was easier to have T play that role in my dream, and I the observer.

I have always looked for a mother. Be it my birth mother, a real mother, the fantasy mother. Before therapy I took women his rate emotionally, normally women who could not offer what I needed, though they weren't aware this is what I was doing.
Work T I immediacy carried that in in the begining. Wanting all my fantasys fulfilled by her. What I've got over the years with her is better.
Is real. She's nurtured, listened, cared and been real.
I no longer look for this outside of therapy, but I'm also aware of what the relationship is. And it's enough.
I hope that's answered some of your questions.

[t0rtureds0ul]

Thanks Mouse I wish I could offer some amazing and intelligent insight, but this is all new to me. The only thing I know, is that I know nothing! I find reading your posts/ responses really interesting though - I wish I understood this stuff more.

'Gotten?'. I've never heard a Brit use it before.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

'Gotten?'. I've never heard a Brit use it before.

I'm having therapy for that!