[SarahSweden]

I feel that whatever I do in therapy it will never be enough. I feel I can´t be as emotional as I want to even if I trust my T in most cases. I feel therapy has become an achievement as many other things in my life and it´s not my T who is pushing it, it´s me who always try to find answers, patterns and getting to the goal.

I don´t mean I want "homework" or something like that, I want to feel more whole as a person, more grounded, more safe but nothing of that happens. I don´t know specifically what my T could do either, I feel I just go round in circles even if we reach small and new insights.

I know I intellectualize a lot but I don´t know of any other way of being even if I know I´d felt better if I could recognize and admit more of the feelings I have. I feel that even if I put a lot into therapy, I´m well prepared, it takes a lot of energy and I don´t feel any substantial change.

I work on large issues like being able to like myself, to judge myself less and I can´t see there is a chance to reach any of that.

[mostlylurking]

Sometimes it takes a long time to develop a strong trust with your T. There is nothing much you can do to "achieve" that trust, it just happens over time. I would think I trusted my T entirely, then a couple months would go by and I'd realize I'd reached a new level of trust. So I'd say, hang in there. You're still at a stage when you worry what she's thinking of you, so that is not quite as trusting as it could be in the future.

Also, maybe talk to your T about why you intellectualize? That's a defense mechanism (my personal favorite, so I speak from experience). What would happen if you didn't do that?

You're putting a lot of effort in, so you're doing just fine. It just isn't a quick process. I felt a lot of pressure to make rapid progress and be done with therapy in record time... I was also a straight A student in school... that's no coincidence. But therapy doesn't work like that, it just takes a while.

[atisketatasket]

Sarah - I often get the feeling that you are putting too much weight on yourself, your therapist, and your relationship with her. You're constantly analyzing and worrying about them, thus adding to any stress and depression. It's a natural thing for people to do, but in these circumstances it does more harm than good. Relax. You do what you can, when you can. That's really all any of us can do.

It's advice more easily given than applied, but I think it would help.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I agree there´s a reason to intellectualize and I think it´s just part of who I am or who I´m used to be. The thing is I don´t know how to not intellectualize, I don´t feel anything special in session with my T and if I´m to express how I feel I more express how I should feel than I actually feel something.

As I put a lot of effort into my therapy and I feel I get very little out of it besides it feels nice talking to her and that I know I´d feel even worse without therapy the energy input versus outcome is very skewed.

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

Sometimes it takes a long time to develop a strong trust with your T. There is nothing much you can do to "achieve" that trust, it just happens over time. I would think I trusted my T entirely, then a couple months would go by and I'd realize I'd reached a new level of trust. So I'd say, hang in there. You're still at a stage when you worry what she's thinking of you, so that is not quite as trusting as it could be in the future.

Also, maybe talk to your T about why you intellectualize? That's a defense mechanism (my personal favorite, so I speak from experience). What would happen if you didn't do that?

You're putting a lot of effort in, so you're doing just fine. It just isn't a quick process. I felt a lot of pressure to make rapid progress and be done with therapy in record time... I was also a straight A student in school... that's no coincidence. But therapy doesn't work like that, it just takes a while.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I agree but as I´m within public health care my time in therapy is limited and I try to get as much as possible out of it. I try to not think of therapy all the time between sessions and sometimes I succeed, sometimes I have to much worries around it.

As my way of handling therapy doesn´t seem to bring the results I expect I´m thinking of telling my T that I don´t want to comment on anything she says or tell her things if I intellectualize around it. If I all the time use this defense therapy is only draining me of energy and I won´t reach any deeper levels or feelings so why should I continue this way?

She hears and knows I intellectualize but I keep engaging in this dysfunctional way of expressing myself and then it´s better I just say "yes, "mm", "no" and so on. I won´t put energy into a behavior both she and I know is maladaptive.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Sarah - I often get the feeling that you are putting too much weight on yourself, your therapist, and your relationship with her. You're constantly analyzing and worrying about them, thus adding to any stress and depression. It's a natural thing for people to do, but in these circumstances it does more harm than good. Relax. You do what you can, when you can. That's really all any of us can do.

It's advice more easily given than applied, but I think it would help.

[Booh]

Hello, SarahSweden. Ask your therapist how you are doing. The therapist should guide you as a means to achieving a good result.