[rainbow8]

T and I connected really well today! First I gave her the card I made for her birthday, along with some cookies I baked (before I went to the hospital when I had more energy). Of course she was very appreciative. Then I asked about her trip and she gave me a little painted stone. I was surprised and pleased but I assume she gave all of her clients the same thing. She wouldn't single out me.

She asked about my surgery and then how I was while she was away. She was happy when I said I didn't miss her. She liked when I told her I once thought about her being with her boyfriend but then I "changed the station." She wanted to know if I learned that in DBT. I think so. We compared this to how miserable I used to be when she went on trips.

We both had the same thought, to discuss what more I want to do in therapy. I said I don't think the attachment issue is totally solved because I still want to see her weekly and if she had cancelled today's appointment I'd be upset. She wanted to know what I get from her that I don't get from my friends and family. I said 100% attention, and "you're not interchangeable." I have to think more about that question. What is nice is that we can even have that kind of conversation!

I even had time to discuss the rupture thread and how that experience about holding hands and her comments affected me. She listened to me and apologized again! I told her I forgave her but that her words back then weren't therapeutic. She said she's more experienced now, and she's human. She said she made mistakes. She also said if I need to, we can discuss the incident again. I said I don't think we need to, but I asked again if she believed me that holding her hand never felt sexual. She said she did.

I was glad to have that conversation. It made me feel closer to T. I have a good feeling about my relationship with her and about today's session.

[Waterbear]

I am so pleased for you Rainbow, that sounds like a great session.

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Waterbear. I've been thinking. I don't want to stop seeing my T yet. She suggested every two weeks but I immediately said "no". So I still have to work on separating from her. I also am depressed about aging and getting sick, and ultimately dying. I'm not sure how she can help me with that. She's always said to try to stay in the present. What is it I get from her anyway? I said 100% attention. Unconditional love too. She will say I can give myself unconditional love. Well, she's not kicking me out so I'll just continue and see what develops.

I'm happy for you rainbow! I sense a real peacefulness coming through your post.

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I'm happy for you rainbow! I sense a real peacefulness coming through your post.

Me too!

I was wide awake in the night worrying about the big questions I can't answer and I couldn't get back to sleep so I started reading the forum. I read this thread and I picked up on the sense of peace as well. Your attachment to T sounds much healthier and secure. I hope I can achieve the same one day, not just in therapy but in real life as well.

That sounds like a great session Rainbow, lots of progress and learning. I am glad she was willing to talk and hear what you had to say about the holding hands. You both were present and open