So as I recently payed about finding out my estranged mother had died, I thought I was past all the emotions it brought up.
I wanted to know the exact cause of death and date so sent for her death certificate. It came.

Wait for it



She died on my birthday *laughs hysterically before slapping oneself *.

I emailed T saying how I felt in that moment a need to destroy myself violently.
T said, oh no. It feels as if she's taken your birthday away from you as well as everything else. She said it's hard to separate yourself from her.

From her?
So I'm trying to seperate her death, from my birthday.

*continues to laugh hysterically *

Oh mouse that must be so difficult. I'm so sorry. You will find a way through this I am confident of that. You do such good work with your t. Sending you hugs if you want them.

[unaluna]

Omg. I used the conception calculator and figured out i was my mothers birthday present. Which is just gross. Or explains her lifelong anger towards me.

But - of course.

You were always on her mind.

That sounds really horrible. I know i would feel really bad upon finding that.

Another way to look at it is that her death brings you life. That can be empowering, in a way.