T texted me by mistake

ilikecats · Oct 30, 2016 at 08:34 PM

My T accidently texted me the other night, meaning to text someone else. It didn't say anything too personal, but it does make me want to ask questions. She said in the text something like "Hi sweetheart, missing you so much. I've been sick this week. I got invited to so and so's son's bar mitzvah in L.A. in December". So first of all, is she going away in December? How long will she be gone? Will I miss sessions? Will she be safe on the flight? Second, I Googled the name of the person who's bar mitzvah she's going to, and he's a famous producer of a couple shows I like. That, or he's someone with the same name. I kinda want to ask her to get an autograph for me if the opportunity arises and if she's comfortable doing that. Also, who is sweetheart? A friend? A boyfriend?? What I'm wondering from you guys is would it be appropriate to ask any of this of my T? How do I go about it if it is? What would you guys do?

rainbow8 · Oct 30, 2016 at 08:53 PM

Oh, wow! It's not like you snooped except for looking up the Bar Mitzvah boy's family. I know most people may tell you to not say anything to your T, but I think you're like me, which means you're going to tell her. My T knows I want to know about her life, and I got a text like that, I would tell her, and then ask if she's going to the Bar Mitzvah. I probably wouldn't ask her to get an autograph but would ask if it's really that famous person, and if she's related.

It is probably crossing boundaries to ask who "sweetheart" is.

She may be embarrassed about having you read her text. I think it IS personal, but since it happened, it's kind of hard to pretend it didn't.

How do you think your T will react if you tell her about that text?

Oct 30, 2016 at 08:55 PM

I would let T know she accidently texted you instead of who she intended to text.

Thus the reason I believe if therapists are going to allow texting and emails, they need to use a completely different phone line and a completely different email address for business than what they use for their personal life. I know my therapist has a dedicated cell phone for office use only. Helps him keep his work and his personal life separate.

atisketatasket · Oct 30, 2016 at 08:57 PM

I think you shoot her a quick text saying "I think you sent this to me by mistake."

And then you don't say anything else about it.

ilikecats · Oct 30, 2016 at 09:06 PM

After she sent me that text I did let her know that she texted the wrong person. She said she was so sorry and I said it was okay.

atisketatasket · Oct 30, 2016 at 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilikecats

After she sent me that text I did let her know that she texted the wrong person. She said she was so sorry and I said it was okay.

Okay, good, so why not try to let things rest there? If your positions were reversed, what would you want you to do?

rainbow8 · Oct 30, 2016 at 09:27 PM

See, I know not saying anything else is the politically or socially correct way to go. But, and this is indicative of my issues, and my relationship with my T, I would ask her. I'd probably say " Am I allowed to ask if you're going away in December? " Are you related to the famous so a d so? But I'd be embarrassed to ask. It would be hard to hide my curiosity and my T would know that!

growlycat · Oct 30, 2016 at 09:27 PM

I wouldn't ask for the autograph. It seems to be crossing a line.

BayBrony · 10:35 PM

The person being Bar Mitzvahed is going to be 13 years old. Good chance its not the person you think.
She she made the error I think its fair to ask if she is going to be gone in December because that directly affects you.
The rest of it is not your business and you'd be best to let it go.

ETA I just realized I misread the OPs relay of the initial text. It did say famous persons son
There is still a good chance it's not the same person though

atisketatasket · Oct 30, 2016 at 10:10 PM

Think the OP was still referring to the father of the bar-mitzvah'ed when she wrote that.

rainbow8 · Oct 30, 2016 at 10:12 PM

[QUOTE=BayBrony;5349221]The person being Bar Mitzvahed is going to be 13 years old. Good chance its not the person you think.
She she made the error I think its fair to ask if she is going to be gone in December because that directly affects you.
The rest of it is not your business and you'd be best to let it go.[/QUOTE
I thought the OP meant the father's name was famous, that it was his son who was being Bar Mitzvahed. Right, a 13 year old can't be a producer.

BayBrony · Oct 30, 2016 at 10:35 PM

Edited my original post
I misread the OP

Pennster · Oct 30, 2016 at 10:37 PM

I sort of think if your inclination is to ask, it might be a good idea to explore that. I don't think it's a bad idea in itself to admit to being curious and having questions. Your therapist can decide for herself whether it's a good idea or not to answer them, and talking about it might reveal something interesting about yourself.

Or you could decide not to ask her more about it and see what that is like. I just don't think one way is more appropriate than the other - if you're curious, you're curious. I don't think exploring that is a bad thing.

musinglizzy · Oct 30, 2016 at 11:22 PM

My T has sent me texts by mistake, and I, too, have sent her texts meant for someone else. I've never brought up to her the contents of the text (usually meant for her husband). This is why I try to delete text threads. If she's not in my text box, I won't accidentally send her one. We both just kind of laugh about it.... and when she has sent me a text by mistake (only 2-3 times in 2.5 years) I text her back and tell her so right away.

Waterbear · Oct 31, 2016 at 01:59 AM

I agree that if you are curious I think it would be OK to ask bit be prepared for her not to answer your questions. I would be curious and I would struggle to hide it too.

This made me think. If people in real life don't want to andwr our questions, I think they often won't just say that but will maybe lie to us if they don't want us to know the truth. I don't think a good T would lie but maybe they would be honest and say upfront that they would rather not answer. Interesting

junkDNA · Oct 31, 2016 at 08:43 AM

i had texted my T something, i dont remember what. he sent back "i just find it offensive"

i was like umm???? my text wasnt offensive, it was pretty neutral i remember. i thought omg, ive finally offended my T. i sent what? and he said he meant it for someone else. i never brought it up but i did wonder about who he was texting that and what it was he found offensive

TishaBuv · Oct 31, 2016 at 09:01 AM

I'd probably say it to the t in our next session like this: "your accidental text to me got me so intrigued. I recognized the name of the Bar Mitz dad as that producer (not admitting I googled him), and imagined you there getting his autograph for me" and then see if she offers any more info.

It is intriguing. I think this texting t's is not a good thing at all. I wouldn't do it. Why are these t's encouraging texting outside of sessions?

brillskep · Oct 31, 2016 at 09:48 AM

Wow, sounds like this has had quite some impact on you! first of all, in case she hasn't realized, I think it would be kind of you (though of course you don't have to) to let her know her mistake. I also think that, if these questions are important to you, it might be very useful to discuss them. It could be significant in your therapy and besides it's the kind of thing that may have impact on your therapeutic relationship, so also depending on your therapist's openness and school of thought, I'd tell her. On the other hand, please be aware that most of these (other than asking if she'll be away in December) are actually quite personal and you may or may not get an answer to them. But I think it would be worthwhile to try and even just discuss your need to ask.

unaluna · Oct 31, 2016 at 01:04 PM

I agree with these immediately preceding posts. Its good practice in talking about talking! You might not get all the actual content answered, but a similar thing happened to me with t and you can sure learn the boundaries of your relationship with your t. Like by actively defining them in the next few sessions. It can be a great opportunity!

precaryous · Oct 31, 2016 at 02:48 PM

I accidentally sent PrevT a text meant for my daughter.
Me: "We ate at five. He might want a snack before bedtime."
PrevT: "Received this....probably not meant for me..."
Me: "I'm so sorry! No, it was meant for DD. Thank you. Haha"
PrevT: "No worries...Cute..."

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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,182 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 30, 2016 at 08:57 PM #4 I think you shoot her a quick text saying "I think you sent this to me by mistake." And then you don't say anything else about it. __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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ilikecats Veteran Member Member Since Nov 2015 Location: United States Posts: 669 8 194 hugs given	Oct 30, 2016 at 09:06 PM #5 After she sent me that text I did let her know that she texted the wrong person. She said she was so sorry and I said it was okay. __________________ "The illusion of effortlessness requires a great effort indeed."
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growlycat Therapy Ninja Member Since Jan 2007 Location: How did I get here? Posts: 10,308 17 16.1k hugs given	Oct 30, 2016 at 09:27 PM #8 I wouldn't ask for the autograph. It seems to be crossing a line.
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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,182 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 30, 2016 at 10:10 PM #10 Think the OP was still referring to the father of the bar-mitzvah'ed when she wrote that. __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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BayBrony Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2013 Location: usa Posts: 1,847 10 196 hugs given	Oct 30, 2016 at 10:35 PM #12 Edited my original post I misread the OP
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,121 (SuperPoster!) 12 67k hugs given	Oct 31, 2016 at 01:04 PM #19 I agree with these immediately preceding posts. Its good practice in talking about talking! You might not get all the actual content answered, but a similar thing happened to me with t and you can sure learn the boundaries of your relationship with your t. Like by actively defining them in the next few sessions. It can be a great opportunity!
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precaryous Inner Space Traveler Member Since May 2014 Location: on the wing of an eagle Posts: 3,880 10 8,141 hugs given	Oct 31, 2016 at 02:48 PM #20 I accidentally sent PrevT a text meant for my daughter. Me: "We ate at five. He might want a snack before bedtime." PrevT: "Received this....probably not meant for me..." Me: "I'm so sorry! No, it was meant for DD. Thank you. Haha" PrevT: "No worries...Cute..."
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