[CantExplain]

Has anyone had a maternal attachment "resolve"?
How did it resolve? What was it like?

[retro_chic]

I don't have an answer to this but I am also curious about it.

For me, the relationship with my mother is close in some ways (perhaps too close - she is very involved) but in other ways it is not close at all. I have a lot of trouble opening up to my mum about deep/personal feelings as I often feel as though she doesn't understand me and unintentionally invalidates my feelings. Her over-involvement in my life can feel intrusive which also causes me to push her away. I have maternal transference towards my T because she is able to meet the needs that my mother can't. Fortunately I still have a chance to work on these issues with my mum when I'm ready. I have made some small attempts but I'm still more work to do before I make any big changes just yet.

Anyway, my theory is that once I work on my relationship with my mum I won't need to rely on T as much and the transference will settle.

[BonnieJean]

CE - I think it resolved ever so slowly as I healed. It was strong (and painful) for a couple of years as I worked thru childhood stuff. I think the attachment served a purpose, not of reparenting, but of building a more healthy base for me. It wasn't like it went away with a flip of a switch. We just didn't fight it. (Well, I fought it but together it was just there) Sometimes I'll still have thoughts of it but they are not emotionally strong.
What brings up the question?

This impacted me hard in my first few years of therapy. Tallking about it was the only way through it. Yes, it was extremely painful. My therapist frequently reminded me that she was not my mother, nor could she be - and that nudged me towards grieving what could never be. Breaking the fantasy was my toughest therapy work.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

This impacted me hard in my first few years of therapy. Tallking about it was the only way through it. Yes, it was extremely painful. My therapist frequently reminded me that she was not my mother, nor could she be - and that nudged me towards grieving what could never be. Breaking the fantasy was my toughest therapy work.

Madame T never actually said "I'm not you mother." Perhaps that's where she went wrong. And perhaps she should have refused my Mother's Day gifts.

But perhaps it wouldn't have made any difference.

Sigh.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've had intense paternal transference for my marriage counselor that seemed like it was resolved, but then it's come back at various times, like triggered by something. MC said that was pretty common, for it to rise back to the surface, depending on things happening in my life or in therapy. Talking through it, both with him and my individual T (and on these boards!) is definitely what has helped though. If I don't talk about it, the feelings just build up more.

I do have some maternal transference for my T as well. It started out as more negative maternal transference though, like expecting her to react like my mom did to things. I think I'm mostly over that--through working with her and seeing she did *not* respond the same way. But now I have some positive transference for her. She did actually say recently, "I can't be your mother or your friend," and that really hurt. Because I know that. It made me not want to go back. So I'm not sure it's necessarily good/helpful to hear a T speak those words. MC has not said anything like that to me--he's more into normalizing things and reassuring me that what I'm feeling is OK and valid.

I've had pretty intense maternal transference with current t, both positive and negative. Talking through it with her (and here!) has been so extremely helpful. She never said the words "I am not your mother", but she did acknowledge out loud a little while back that she has been the "good-enough mother" thing and I said yes, you have been that for awhile. It's been difficult when the negative transference has happened - we went through that just recently and I got really angry at her over it but like everything else, we talked it through and resolved that bit. I don't know how to resolve it completely - just when I think I'm getting there, up it comes again. I'm thinking though, now that I'm working on forgiving my mother for that last thing that had heretofore felt unforgivable to me, maybe once I get to that point then I won't "need" the transference in my relationship with t anymore. I'm of a mind tonight that it's precisely that, the relationship between t and I, that I'm paying for. If that makes any sense. My healing has happened because of and within that very unique, powerful, and sometimes aggravating-as-hell relationship.

[magicalprince]

I've definitely had significant changes in my attachments to women. Though unfortunately struggling to find a therapist at this point who doesn't want to be on one extreme or the other.

[junkDNA]

my T tells me it will pass and that what he thinks and does will be less important to me as i work thru the trauma.right now it's pretty intense and i see no end in sight, so i dont knw if i believe him. he has told me he went thru transference with his own long term T, so that does give me hope that it can be resolved. it also helps me to know that he knows what its like, becasue at first i accused him of not knowing how hard this is...he always tells me my feelings toward him and our relationship are totally normal and inevitable for me

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my T tells me it will pass and that what he thinks and does will be less important to me as i work thru the trauma.right now it's pretty intense and i see no end in sight, so i dont knw if i believe him. he has told me he went thru transference with his own long term T, so that does give me hope that it can be resolved. it also helps me to know that he knows what its like, becasue at first i accused him of not knowing how hard this is...he always tells me my feelings toward him and our relationship are totally normal and inevitable for me

The way my t talks about how she went through it herself - that is so helpful for me to hear, makes it easier for me to talk about my own feelings and also gives me hope that it will be resolved at some point, I'm glad your t told you he went through it too.

[Soccer mom]

I recently told my T. I'm afraid I'll never want to stop seeing her. She said if I'm not ready to let go, then the therapy done.
With ex-T., I would ask and read and try desperately to figure out how to rid myself of the maternal transference. I've come to realize that I think how the T. reacts is huge. Ex-T. wouldn't talk about it very much and was too inconsistent for me to feel safe. So, I was never going to heal with her. My current T. is awesome. She seems to accept all of it and me and it relaxes me. Because I'm relaxed about it, I don't feel the intense need to solve it. If only my Ex-T could have realized that.....