[annielovesbacon]

The other day in session my T looked at me and said, "If you were sitting in my chair, what would you tell yourself?"
I like my T but that question annoyed me. If I knew how to deal with my problems I wouldn't be here! I told her I didn't know how to answer that and she seemed disappointed.
Has anyone else's T asked them that? Am I looking at this the wrong way?

I'm sorry your T doesn't sound like they know how to counsel. Some T's don't have a clue. Better to find another T. Good luck.

[stopdog]

Yes - from what I have read - it is one of their go to "interventions"
The woman only tried it with me once and seemed surprised when I responded "I would tell me that I was not really listening at all and when I did listen, I wanted to shout shut the **** up you whiner"
She said she did not think that and never tried that crap with me again.

[atisketatasket]

I hardly think inane questions would mean that a therapist can't counsel. Otherwise, none of them would be able to counsel.

OP, I do find the question inane and annoying. I have not had it in that form but I have had it like this:

Client: My husband calls me names and says I'm useless. He's right, I know it.
Therapist: Imagine another woman told you that. What would you say to her?

The reasons it annoys me is because what they want you to say is so bleeding obvious it's an insult to anyone with more than one brain cell to ask it.

Your therapist's question is a bit more complicated because it forces you to think outside the box, to step outside your identity. But it's still obvious what she wants you to say.

[Electric76]

I'm sorry I don't know the tone this was asked but I can see how it can be taken badly. What would have happened if you said exactly what you were thinking? Maybe they have clarified or asked a different question? Honestly when I read the question in reminded me of a self compassion workshop I did. The T mentioned how we tend to be harsh and judgmental toward ourselves but if friends and family are in the same situation we tend to be compassionate and forgiving. One of the meditations was to imagine a friend of yours in the same rough situation you're in, what would you say, how would you support them? Maybe this was the direction your T was trying to lead you but poorly executed. Its incredibly helpful to express how the question lands for you or ask for clarification

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

The other day in session my T looked at me and said, "If you were sitting in my chair, what would you tell yourself?"
I like my T but that question annoyed me. If I knew how to deal with my problems I wouldn't be here! I told her I didn't know how to answer that and she seemed disappointed.
Has anyone else's T asked them that? Am I looking at this the wrong way?

No therapist has asked me that question and I'd be pissed off if they did. It's not my place to put myself in their shoes. The question implies that I should be able to counsel myself. Like you said, if I knew how to do that I wouldn't be seeing the T. I pay my $$ to receive their counsel, not to try to figure out for them how they should counsel me. If the T has nothing to say at some point, it's their problem that should be dealt with in their supervision/peer consultation instead of being projected on the client. So nope, you are not seeing it the wrong way IMO. If I were you I'd feel the same.

[Sarmas]

My T asked me the same question years ago. She practices psychodynamic and wanted me to find the answers but when she asked me the question I felt the Same Way. Perhaps this approach works for some but it served us no purpose and we didn't get anywhere with it. Inn guessing there's a purpose to the question but I felt that if I knew the answers and I didn't need to be there. She was kept saying that she wanted me to do the work and that it's not her job to. I was confused as well. maybe she's trying to prove a point or is looking for a certain thought process.

[CharlieStarDust]

Mine did, but in the context of:
Me: I don't know how you do this job.
T: what if you did? What would you tell someone like you?
Me:#%@&$.
T: then it's good you don't have my job.

This was all in semi jest.
But I agree with ATAT; and I would add that it asks you to take pause and reframe (if only for a second).

Why would she be disappointed?

It is interesting that people find these kinds of questions annoying and/or useless. I personally think they can be powerful in spite of the answer often being obvious. Exactly because the answer comes from the self not from an external source. My current T never asked me anything like this but former T did and, as much as I resent many things about his therapy style, I liked these questions are found them helpful. Usually they triggered a string of other thoughts as well that I doubt the T would have come to by himself. I also heard versions of these in peer support communities.

The kind of T question that tends to annoy me more (if done too often) is when I ask a question and T responds with "why do you ask? what do you expect me to say?" I would still engage and answer it but if they never answer my initial question, it tends to pi$$ me off.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Part of therapy is to internalize what you're learning from the T. By asking "If you were the therapist...", she's seeing if you can find some answers for yourself. That is the point of therapy.

I can understand it being frustrating if she did this all the time, but if it's every once in awhile, then I think she's just trying to make you part of your therapy.

[TishaBuv]

It would irk me, too, and what I would want to say to her is "I would tell me that if I have to be my own therapist, I don't have to pay for the session." But I would probably just mutter the obvious, degrading answer and feel belittled.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I hardly think inane questions would mean that a therapist can't counsel. Otherwise, none of them would be able to counsel.

OP, I do find the question inane and annoying. I have not had it in that form but I have had it like this:

Client: My husband calls me names and says I'm useless. He's right, I know it.
Therapist: Imagine another woman told you that. What would you say to her?

The reasons it annoys me is because what they want you to say is so bleeding obvious it's an insult to anyone with more than one brain cell to ask it.

Your therapist's question is a bit more complicated because it forces you to think outside the box, to step outside your identity. But it's still obvious what she wants you to say.

my T does this too and i hate it. i usually tell him i wouldnt say anything to said 'friend', because most likely i wouldnt . thats just how i am

[nottrustin]

While T had never asked me that she did something similar. A while back I was using some inappropriate coping skills. While not healthy I really didn't see the harm. She asked me if my daughter came to me and said she was doing the same thing what would I tell her. Another time she asked if I was sitting in her chair and my best friend was sitting in mine what would I tell her. Both times I was angry with T. However after thinking about it on my own I realized I was angry because I knew T was right but I didn't want to admit it.

[Ankh91]

Yes, but I don't remember what context. I have a terrible memory, but I don't feel negatively about my T asking. Put on the spot maybe Maybe it's to see your perception or where your head was at? just speculating,

[brillskep]

Sometimes we know how to help others better than how to help ourselves. This question can reveal our needs as clients. And yes, actually it is sometimes possible to know what you need, but still need it from someone else. I've worked with my therapist actually switching sites and him being me and me being him, and I'd love to have that opportunity again because I feel like he doesn't understand what I need from him and from my therapy with him. But this isn't for everyone at any time - perhaps the question was too sudden or too much for you right now. But I think it's a good question overall. A good question to keep in mind. Or maybe an easier start might be, what do you need your therapist to say to you?

[kecanoe]

I use this question with myself sometimes. I am a long time member of AA and I will sometimes ask myself what I would say to someone I sponsor if they were in my shoes. Sometimes I come up with a decent answer. I also ask myself what my first sponsor would say to me. I think all that is part of internalizing the t.

maybe she is wondering what you would tell others in the same situation and try to think about how to help yourself.

[runlola72]

I had my T ask this once, regarding what I would say if I was a T and my younger self walked in with all the behaviors I was displaying then. It was helpful for me because it helped me realize how obvious my behaviors were and how the fact that none of the grown ups around me raised an eyebrow, was weird/irresponsible. So t actually helped me process some anger I didn't think I was entitled to feel. Not sure if that makes sense.

I can't think if she ever has or not. I don't think so. If she did, I would likely just say "I don't know." And then spend a lot of time thinking about it between sessions. In fact, I think I'm going to try and answer that question in my morning pages tomorrow. Might be interesting.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Why would she be disappointed?

I think she was hoping for me to think a little about it and actually answer the question rather than just say "I don't know." I do say "I don't know" a lot which I know isn't helpful. I don't think she was disappointed in me necessarily, just disappointed in general that I wouldn't/wasn't able to answer the question.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

It is interesting that people find these kinds of questions annoying and/or useless. I personally think they can be powerful in spite of the answer often being obvious. Exactly because the answer comes from the self not from an external source. My current T never asked me anything like this but former T did and, as much as I resent many things about his therapy style, I liked these questions are found them helpful. Usually they triggered a string of other thoughts as well that I doubt the T would have come to by himself. I also heard versions of these in peer support communities.

The kind of T question that tends to annoy me more (if done too often) is when I ask a question and T responds with "why do you ask? what do you expect me to say?" I would still engage and answer it but if they never answer my initial question, it tends to pi$$ me off.

Lol, maybe next time T asks me (if she does ask again) I could reply "Why do you ask? What do you expect me to say?"

[stopdog]

The last thing I want to do is internalize a therapist. Ugh. I don't think the therapist has anything I want to internalize. That seriously creeps me out.

[cinnamon_roll]

I quite often wonder what I would tell a friend who is in my situation. Since a lot of the time we tend to be far more compassionate towards others than to ourselves.

Also, even if the answer to those questions might seem trivial or obvious, I've had quite a few interesting conversations with T about questions like this one (if you were the therapist, if you were talking to a good friend... etc.)
Just voicing out loud *my* answer to those questions quite often opens up a different angle in the story...

And, last but not least: Maybe your T is trying to find out what it is that you are needing from her? So the assumed role reversal would put you in the position to voice out loud what it is that you're expecting/needing from her in the place that you're in, and would give your T some indication how to support you better?

[bounceback]

I would get questions not like this but probably harder ones that I really didn't know the answer to. I would tell her I didn't know because honestly I really didn't know what to do in these situations. It would make me feel stupid even though I understand the point in asking questions like this.