[junkDNA]

How do you all who have experienced CSA cope with the intense emotions involved with discussing it?

I have a really hard time distracting and soothing myself after a T session of talking about it. I know a million things I could do, but I just feel so paralyzed. I feel emotions really intensely in my body as a physical sensation, especially in my chest. Distracting and soothing is hard when it feels as if there is a 200lbs weight on me.

What could help relieve this distressing physical feeling? I used to turn to drugs, but I don't want to do that anymore.

Any tips?

[Demunie]

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds tough. I'm not sure there's actually something you can do about it. Perhaps we just have to go through this feelings?

What I do to distract myself is laying in bed allday and watching TV. The physical feelings are still hard to ignore, but at least I can't do anything stupid while laying in bed.

It's not fair that you have to go through this. Hope you find some relieve soon

Physical movement -- walking, swimming. Physically burning off that negative physical energy that comes up when I was talking about my past helps. I have kids, so they were a great diversion, and it did take a strong diversion to get my mind elsewhere. Going directly home and vegetating in front of the t.v. was probably the worst thing because my brain wouldn't switch to something else. If I could head to the grocery store for a major shopping load, or attend a music rehearsal that required my mental energy, that would work often times. My T often encouraged a brisk walk or swim (but I'm not a very physical being); it probably would have worked though.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Physical movement -- walking, swimming. Physically burning off that negative physical energy that comes up when I was talking about my past helps. I have kids, so they were a great diversion, and it did take a strong diversion to get my mind elsewhere. Going directly home and vegetating in front of the t.v. was probably the worst thing because my brain wouldn't switch to something else. If I could head to the grocery store for a major shopping load, or attend a music rehearsal that required my mental energy, that would work often times. My T often encouraged a brisk walk or swim (but I'm not a very physical being); it probably would have worked though.

Thanks.. I didn't think of exercising... I do think that is a good tip... thank you

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Demunie

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds tough. I'm not sure there's actually something you can do about it. Perhaps we just have to go through this feelings?

What I do to distract myself is laying in bed allday and watching TV. The physical feelings are still hard to ignore, but at least I can't do anything stupid while laying in bed.

It's not fair that you have to go through this. Hope you find some relieve soon

Thanks... laying in bed makes it worse for me though. The feelings get really intolerable. I always head to my bed, but I want to try to not do that anymore because it contributes to my downward spiral

[growlycat]

Next week Kashi had suggested that we walk while talking about difficult topics. He says sitting in a room doesn't allow the tension to go anywhere. I also have a hard time coming down from the anxiety of sessions. He had a couple of grounding exercises one was to repeat that was then this is now. I'm safe and no one is hurting me. Another excersise was to be really aware of your feet on the ground like you are a tree with roots. There are others too He said it would take awhile to develop this skill but keep trying

You have an awesome t. Just ask him to walk you through grounding exercises at the end of your sessions give yourself ten minutes or more.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Next week Kashi had suggested that we walk while talking about difficult topics. He says sitting in a room doesn't allow the tension to go anywhere. I also have a hard time coming down from the anxiety of sessions. He had a couple of grounding exercises one was to repeat that was then this is now. I'm safe and no one is hurting me. Another excersise was to be really aware of your feet on the ground like you are a tree with roots. There are others too He said it would take awhile to develop this skill but keep trying

You have an awesome t. Just ask him to walk you through grounding exercises at the end of your sessions give yourself ten minutes or more.

that sounds like a good tip. my T is big into mindfulness, he used to help me ground myself... i should bring this up to him... to give us 10 min till time is up to do this. i often leave crying and in distress when we have these kind of sessions, and it wastes my whole day.

my T texted me that these are old feelings and it's good i am strong enough to experience this. i see where he is coming from , because before when we would even just lightly talk about this i would shut down for weeks and go into suicidal crises accompanied with psychosis. it's still incredibly hard though to this day...

[growlycat]

YouTube has some good self compassion meditation videos. I find them helpful.
Also, there is supposed to be an end of therapy exercise out there that lets you mentally contain hard material.

Looking for a link will post if I can find it

[growlycat]

https://trauma101.com/ufiles/a-container.pdf
Just trying to find an audio of this containing exercise. I personally find this easier to to guided by the therapist but as time goes on I'm able to do it myself more

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by growlycat

https://trauma101.com/ufiles/a-container.pdf
Just trying to find an audio of this containing exercise. I personally find this easier to to guided by the therapist but as time goes on I'm able to do it myself more

thank you so much for these resources. my T did a guided meditation with me a couple times. im going to bookmark these

[growlycat]

I really like the container exercise. I haven't found a good audio for this yet. Lots of cheesy versions on YouTube. A few good ones are out there. I struggle with similar transitioning from session to real life.

[runlola72]

Hi JD,
I am in the thick of this too,and I feel the chest heaviness you speak of, coupled with an almost catatonic state. Moving is a good idea. I take my dog for walks. Also, I picked up a paintbrush last week and painted on a huge canvas. It was actually helpful, and something about seeing the process (I'd see ugly spots, drippy paint, etc but was able to turn them into something else that looked better...) was healing. I also think sensory input is good and I have used a child's pottery wheel I have to sculpt small pots, which I have found empowering in a way.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by runlola72

Hi JD,
I am in the thick of this too,and I feel the chest heaviness you speak of, coupled with an almost catatonic state. Moving is a good idea. I take my dog for walks. Also, I picked up a paintbrush last week and painted on a huge canvas. It was actually helpful, and something about seeing the process (I'd see ugly spots, drippy paint, etc but was able to turn them into something else that looked better...) was healing. I also think sensory input is good and I have used a child's pottery wheel I have to sculpt small pots, which I have found empowering in a way.

I get the catatonic thing too. It just feels impossible to move.

[therapyishelping777]

I journal and just cry.. I haven't really gotten into talking much about my csa with my T. just vaguely.. mostly concentrating on other things. but .... I want to somewhere in me , process it more. but its super scary.. you even doing it and talking about it is super brave and you inspire me!!

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Meditation and meditative movement (yoga, but especially Tai Chi) including dog walking, seemed to (over time) cope with the overwhelming physical flashbacks and memories.

With more time and more details about what happened, and spending more time connecting its impact to my daily life/bringing awareness to how the ashes of the leftover experience blew into my reactions to living and working and loving my wife and kids.

But my T and I developed a routine to "container" as others have discussed at the end of each session. She'd open a drawer for me to leave it with her.

[junkDNA]

Wow cool. MY T ttaught me tai chI years ago. WE would do it every morning

[waterlogged]

There have been a bunch of sessions where I have literally walked 6 miles home afterwards. Or driven home, and then walked 6 miles on a trail.

In the book The Body Keeps the Score, the author talks about how other animals literally shake after traumatic events - something about the discharge. He also requires anyone getting treatment at his clinic to engage in a personal yoga practice for the same reasons.

Seems like exercise of whatever kind would be helpful.

[Sarmas]

My T wouldn't discuss it because she said that it was in the past. This was one of the reasons why I started therapy but she dint want to go in Depth. She only asked very few questions during the intake and we never discussed it again. I've tried bringing it up several times and I was sort of ready to discuss it but she would tell me to "let it go".

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

My T wouldn't discuss it because she said that it was in the past. This was one of the reasons why I started therapy but she dint want to go in Depth. She only asked very few questions during the intake and we never discussed it again. I've tried bringing it up several times and I was sort of ready to discuss it but she would tell me to "let it go".

Ummm?? If the client wants to discuss it I don't see why a T wouldnt...do you think she feels uncomfortable or incompetent in that arena?

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by waterlogged

There have been a bunch of sessions where I have literally walked 6 miles home afterwards. Or driven home, and then walked 6 miles on a trail.

In the book The Body Keeps the Score, the author talks about how other animals literally shake after traumatic events - something about the discharge. He also requires anyone getting treatment at his clinic to engage in a personal yoga practice for the same reasons.

Seems like exercise of whatever kind would be helpful.

The thing about the animals is really interesting to me, because recently, for several days after something really upsetting (and fairly traumatic) happened, I felt like I was shaking mostly internally (and sometimes externally). Maybe that was my body trying to discharge it? I've also had times where I was really upset and walking helped me.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by waterlogged

There have been a bunch of sessions where I have literally walked 6 miles home afterwards. Or driven home, and then walked 6 miles on a trail.

In the book The Body Keeps the Score, the author talks about how other animals literally shake after traumatic events - something about the discharge. He also requires anyone getting treatment at his clinic to engage in a personal yoga practice for the same reasons.

Seems like exercise of whatever kind would be helpful.

i thnk i have that book. i am a freezer. i literally freeze when something happens

[therapyishelping777]

I'm a freezer too Junk... totally

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

The thing about the animals is really interesting to me, because recently, for several days after something really upsetting (and fairly traumatic) happened, I felt like I was shaking mostly internally (and sometimes externally). Maybe that was my body trying to discharge it? I've also had times where I was really upset and walking helped me.

The somatic folks believe that it is indeed useful to shake, and they would encourage you to shake externally if you can. That seems to relieve trauma and shake loose some of the flight/freeze response. Peter Levine (I think) uses the example of an antelope that is caught by a lion. The antelope "dissociates" so that being killed doesn't hurt, and if by some miracle the lion gets interrupted in the attack, the antelope shakes all over and then returns to normal life.

Since learning about this, I have observed it in my horses. Some horses shake all over when under saddle and others just don't. My main horse is a non-shaker. I've had her 15 years and she has never shaken while I was riding her. I now have a rescue horse (who I claim has PTSD). Sometimes when I ride her through/past something that scares her, she does that shake thing. I've seen horses do it over the years but didn't realize until I was in treatment for my trauma that the horse is actually processing things in a healthy way and letting go of them.

If it were only so easy for us humans...

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Ummm?? If the client wants to discuss it I don't see why a T wouldnt...do you think she feels uncomfortable or incompetent in that arena?

I'm not sure why. She seemed uncomfortable to me when I brought it up during the intake and at other times. I wasn't sure if she personally has experienced it. Then I thought that perhaps she didn't know how to approach the subject being that it's a difficult subject. In my case my I experienced it for 16 years that I could remember of on a daily basis for 12-13 years. I've been holding on to thoughts and events this whole time and I just wanted to release it. I've tried journaling for years and that didn't go well when a family moment got a hold of my notebook and said that I have major issues. I really needed to release so many emotions but she told me that my case was so involved and that its in the past. She's a psychodynamic therapist and so I couldn't understand it. We at sometimes at sessions where she would tell Me that she didn't think that there was anything to address. I was speechless. I had four years of therapy of which I went to session and tried to address things and I left with the same package I went in with plus more. I would've preferred for her to tell me that either she was uncomfortable with the subject or that it was not her expertise. I think when you tell a client to put it to "let it go" that's an issue. Her reasoning was that if its in the past and if I'm not having a present issue with it then I survived it and I just have to accept it and place it behind me. That's easier said than done. I have PTSD as well from it. I'm paranoid with my kids as well. I'm paranoid about my little going to the bathroom on his own. I had an issue at a park with a twelve year old and my son which brought me back to that. Their father is a practicing nudist now and will disrobe in front of my youngest and then tell his therapist that he didn't know he was there. I'm not sure how my therapist thought I could "let things go". Sorry for the rant. I got ahead of myself there for a second.

[waterlogged]

Yeah today my T told me it seemed like I had stopped breathing and looked frozen.