[Loco4]

Just curious how many people experience touch with their. If you do who initiated? Did you just directly ask? Did you ask about their boundaries first?

T would allow it. I have never touched her.

He lets me poke him in the tummy, like the Pillsbury Doughboy.



Disclaimer: Lefty is lying.

[SilentMelodee]

By touch, what do you mean? A hand shake? A hug? Holding hands? "Holding?" I have gotten hugs from my therapist, but when I think of touch, I don't think of hugs for some reason. But I guess a hug IS touch.

[Loco4]

Any touch! Hugs, hand holding, pat on the back etc

[healed84]

Nope.. I have never asked, and he has never offered.

[Loco4]

I think my T alluded that it would be okay to ask for it, I'm scared to in case I misinterpreted.

[Waterbear]

Yes. I made it clear when looking for a new T that this was important and necessary for me. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life when working with Old T by telling her that I felt like I needed that, along with other things. She realised that I needed a different kind of therapy, which she couldn't offer (contractual reasons with where she worked). She did help me realise that it was OK, normal, necessary, important and that it was possible.

New T was OK with the idea from the start but it happened gradually and that was important. She initiated it first, but I had mentioned on several occasions that it was something I thought would really help. I have a problem connecting my head to by body and touch helps me do this.

I can't remember what was first, her holding my hands or us hugging, but now, those things are initiated by either of us, pretty spontaneously. She also has put her arm around me and I have laid my head on her shoulder on a few occasions.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't post so much about touch because I feel for a lot of people who don't hlget it who want it, but it was posts on here that helped me to realise that it was possible, that some Ts did work in this way.

If it is important enough for the individual and they are lucky enough to be able to pick and choose their T, then I want people to know that they should fight for what they need, but realise that not every T is going to be happy with this. Out of about 10 Ts I tried, only 2 were comfortable with the idea.

[nicoleflynn]

We hug hello and goodbye......

Not sure is that a T is 'uncomfortable' with touch. I'd hope a T is healthy in all areas. They may feel the way they work doesn't necessarily have to use touch. There are other ways of 'touching'. I think dismissing a T as not being comfortable is a projection.

[speckofdust]

My current T and I have only touched once. I shook her hand as a "peace offering" after I said something hurtful to her at the very end of a session. I am generally not a touchy person, so we didn't start out hugging or anything. There have been times when I have thought about asking for a hug, but then it would seem fake to me, so I just don't ask. Plus, she may have a boundary around that, and I don't think I could handle the "rejection" if she said no.

A previous T I used to see would hug, but I had to ask. It felt so fake and awkward that I didn't really get anything positive out of it.

Yes, not as a matter of habit, but on occasions. It is rather mutual I guess. I don't give it much thought. It isn't something either of us "initiate;" it is just quite natural when it happens.

[junkDNA]

we hug sometimes. sometimes he rubs my back or squeezes my arm.

he asked if i wanted a hug. he usually always asks. in the beginning, like a couple months after we started working together.. he came up behind me and hugged me around my neck. it was weird... it didnt really bother me i guess. i think maybe he lost himself in the moment or something, IDK. he was younger then, and newer to being a therapist.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor shakes hands at the start and end of sessions and has since the beginning (well, he mostly only shook hands at the end at first). He hasn't used any other touch.

I initially thought my T didn't use touch because she never did with me at all. At one point, it came up that she does hug some clients. When I finally got the courage to ask why she doesn't hug me, she said it was because I had some maternal transference. That upset me. But starting about a 18 months ago (I've seen her for almost 5), she would sometimes touch me on the arm or shoulder as I was leaving, which was nice. Eventually she offered a hug (I think because it was the holidays), and over the past year, she has hugged me probably about a dozen times, mostly initiated by her at the end of session if I was in a bad place or if we'd had a disagreement that we'd worked out. I did ask for one once, and she was fine with it. (I've wanted to ask her for one other times, but am afraid if I ask for too much, she'll take them away entirely.)

[stopdog]

Therapists are not necessarily healthy simply by virtue of having therapist as the job they chose. I have not found them to be more healthy or enlightened than anyone else when dealing with them in real life.

The first one I see shook my hand at the first appointment. I have no idea why. I stopped it at the second appointment. I don't want strangers touching me.

[JaneTennison1]

Ex T didn't. New T offered hugs so I said yes to see what it felt like. Well it felt like nothing lol not good or bad just indifferent.

[SoConfused623]

My T has a bubble around her and I stay out of her zone. I am typically a huggy type person but have never wanted it or expected it in therapy. I'm thinking back to my first session and am realizing that its most likely that we did not even shake hands! I plan to terminate with her soon and do not plan to ask for a hug or offer a handshake and it will be completely unexpected if she asks for any contact...on second thought, I may offer a handshake...TBD

[ruh roh]

No. It hasn't even come up, except for her telling me to hug myself, which is I think is cruel and also makes no sense. So I definitely will not be asking about this topic.

yes,often. when we go for a walk or sit by each other we hold hands. she gives me lots of hugs.

[Ellahmae]

Lots of hugs.
Hand holding when needed.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I told my T when I first started that when I was ready, hugs were a must. So when I was ready, we talked about it some, and at the end of session we hugged. We have hugged after every session ever since. That's the only form of touch she will do.

[AllHeart]

Hugs every session. At least two. My t was the one to ask if hugs were ok initially. She initiated. Them for the longest time but eventually I became comfortable enough to initiate them too. Now it's a mutual thing. She will also randomly touch my arm or shoulder sometimes as I walk away. Are you wanting to ask your t for touch Loco4?

[MobiusPsyche]

No touch with my T.

[Paige008]

I have two VERY different Ts.

One is very comfortable with touch and will ask me, after a difficult session, if I'd like a hug. Sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no, as I worry it will make me emotional. If I'm talking through something hard, she'll ask if I'd like to hold her hand, which I've never agreed to. I really appreciate that she offers it.

My other T has never tried or offered to touch or hug me in anyway. I think it would be odd if she did.

We shake hands and occasionally high five. She asked if she could hug me once, I said yes while my face screamed no, that was the only time we hugged.