[retro_chic]

For those of you who have asked your T for a transitional object, did any of them say no? If they did, what was the reason? I want to ask my T for one but I am pretty sure she won't give me one. My T doesn't allow out of session contact (unless it is for scheduling purposes) and she doesn't allow hugs. I am still holding out hope though that she will give a transitional object. It doesn't have to be much; maybe just a reassuring message written in her handwriting or something like that.

T is the only person I talk to about personal things and I just feel so incredibly lonely between sessions and I miss T so much. When I feel upset all I can think about is how I wish T was there to comfort me. I really hate feeling so dependant on T and I just feel so overwhelmed by it all. I often think about just quitting therapy because it is all too hard but I don't think I could cope without T. I really wish I hadn't got myself into this mess in the first place.

I've asked ex T and current T. They're colleagues.

For ex T, I said I wanted to bring in several of my favourite marbles...I wanted her to pick one and hold it for me so I could bring it home and feel connected to her. She said she had to take it to supervision because she didn't feel it would be therapeutic.

The next session, she told me she and her supervisor had said no because they want me to self-soothe and not depend on the marble / thoughts of her to soothe myself. She said a transitional object would foster dependence instead of self reliance.

Due to the above experience, I hesitated a LONG while to bring up transitional objects as a subject with T. She never offered and I felt terribly guilty over me secretly recording sessions (not excusing myself, I know some think that's very wrong) and using that to soothe myself because I could hear the care in her voice in the recordings.

One time, because we've had to cut back to once a month purely due to scheduling issues on both our ends (not therapeutic at all), she said I could call the clinic to ask her to call me back if I was struggling massively. She and I had an agreement in session that I'll try not to question and discount her care, which I do all the time unconsciously. In our phone call, it emerged again that I had forgotten that agreement and she reminded me of it.

I had an intense feeling of wanting to ask her to write it down, so I pleaded with her to. *ashamed* She said she would. I said I wanted it to please be in her handwriting. I blubbered out why I wanted her to - that I wanted it as a transitional object to remind myself of our connection.

By our next session, I was convinced she must have forgotten my request. Towards the end of the session, I asked if she had remembered. She told me she did remember and not forgotten, and that she wanted us to craft the words together so it would be memorable in my mind (I've memory issues which impair our therapy...).

I was and am really moved by that gesture. I keep it in a little pouch where I also keep therapy flashcards and have a photo of it stored on my phone.

[itjustis]

I asked my T and she said she had already thought about getting me a stone that I can carry with me. Over summer she gave me one of her scarves.

There's no harm in asking.

You don't actually have to get something of T. Eg, I've always fidgeted with the tissue box on the table. And in the early days, is buy that exact box and keep it in my table at home. Just looking at it kindled the bond.

[junkDNA]

he gave me a stuffed animal moose. i didnt ask him for a transitional object. he just said i could have it and later on told me that it was a transitional object. i wasnt sure what that was at first, so i looked it up. he gave it to me 6 yrs ago. i still sleep with it. he knows i sleep with it

[atisketatasket]

No. 1 gave me a truly bizarre-looking stuffed animal someone gave her thirty years ago. I refused it several times but when she kept offering, took it to shut her up.

Should probably find it and send it back to her.

I am contemplating ending therapy at the end of this year (just discussed it with the T this week and he is trying to talk me out of it...). Not because of anything wrong or conflicts, more the opposite: I feel I have achieved my specific goals and I would like to invest the time and money into other things in the future. But I really like my T and we have a great connection... it would be nice to have something from him even though I feel he and our interactions got ingrained in my mind quite strongly. Whenever I think of this, what comes to mind is that it would nice to get a book from him that he likes and is somehow meaningful in the context of our relationship. Reading is a favorite activity of both of us and we often discussed books, so this would be most obvious. He also mentioned to me once that he sometimes gives a book to patients when they are done with therapy and terminate. But I don't think I will ask for this, it's more just a fantasy in my mind... but I plan to give him a book anyway.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I asked my T for a letter and a transitional object. She agreed to both so long as I don't look her up on the internet anymore when we terminate (I don't get either till termination). She said she's going to get me a rock. She jokes that she'll just get one from outside her office. I told her that I don't really want a rock. She ask "But what if it's pretty?" I told her if it's pretty than okay. She said it will be and she has plenty of time to get it.

I asked ex-T for a transitional object and letter too. Because she abandoned me, I filled a complaint with the advocate and the advocate got her to give me them. The letter was crap. The object was awesome. It's a small book that she used to let me borrow when I had to deal with something difficult.

And I also asked my Pdoc for the same. I only get to see her one more time, and I want something to remember her by. She said she had to talk to my T about it first, to make sure it was a healthy thing to do. I still don't know the outcome. I don't know if I'll get one or the other or both or none. But my Pdoc said if it's none that she will call me and let me know so I won't be disappointed on my last day with her.

[nottrustin]

A few months ago I went to a woman's conference where for the first time ever I told my life to somebody other than my husband best friend, or T. I had taken about a month to get it down on paper as it was very difficult. The last session before I went I read the suit and told her I would bring a bracelet that was my mom's and a picture of my kids. ..and my best friend would be there sitting right in front of me. As I got up to leave she hugged me and offered me a bracelet as well. She has few for a cause she supports and offered them to a few clients. I wrote the bracelet fir the talk. I now have it on my night stand. .and occasionally wear it.

[doogie]

I have a difficult time "holding" my connection with my T between sessions. I have never asked for something specifically from T, but once I brought in 2 rocks and markers and we both colored on one and then we switched - I took hers and she took mine. Mine just sits on a shelf in her office, but I carry the one she made with me. I also record sessions (my T doesn't know - no judgements, just being honest). I'm also planning to take in a small craft for us to do together that I can take home and keep. I would LOVE for her to give me something of hers to have, but I don't know that I would ever ask for that. My T, however, is very attachment oriented and is ok with my attaching to her because I have attachment issues - so we are working on that. My former T probably would not have done these things....so I do think it depends on the T and their frame of work and healing. Good luck. I say ask - all the T can say is no - of course, for most of us that no is a HUGE risk. I get that.

[ruh roh]

I take something to therapy that I give to my therapist at the start of session and she gives it back at the end of session. I never thought of it as a transitional object, but it must be. Anyway, I didn't really ask so much as hand it to her and she accepted right away, no questions. I also leave things there, and she's welcomed it all (so far). It hurts to read about therapists who say no. I wish that for everyone who wants (or is helped by) that kind of exchange.

[BayBrony]

My heart breaks for the people who got a "no". I have several transitionsl objects from my T. The thing is, like a kid with a teddy bear, its a phase of therapy. I don't understand the thinking. For quite a while I needed an object to calm myself and feel her love. Now I don't. I still like to hold my stuffed otter, and if I'm having a tough time he sometimes rides around in my car.
But it's nothing like it was when I needed him all the time. Eventually I suspect he will sit home on my night stand because I will know I'm loved all the time and won't need him. I feel like its a gift to be allowed to move through this process from intense need to satisfaction of the need. I wish everyone could have that

I love what you said there, Bay. Thank you for sharing, it really resonates for me.

[retro_chic]

Thank you all so much for the replies!
I'm still unsure as to if I want to ask T for a transitional object. One of you said "what's the harm in asking" and I guess I just fear the disappointment I will feel if she says no. I've already feel disappointed with the no email and no hug thing and I don't really want to go through that again.

[nicoleflynn]

If we could "self-soothe"---we wouldn't be seeing a t....duh!

I bring a piece of rose quartz with me when i see t and sometimes forget to even take it out of my purse but i feel like I'm "recharging" it there then i keep it on my desk while i work. Keeps the calmness of my sessions in my mind!