I had a not so great experience at the end of last week and was triggered at work. I ended up feeling massive shame and massive self hatred. I don't remember the timeline well, but I think I texted my T Tuesday to see if I could get in an extra session. I actually had a session on Wednesday, but I was really worried what with being triggered and feeling inescapable shame/self hatred. I knew because he had told me awhile ago that he would be gone Thanksgiving week and the week after. He texted me that he did not have another session. So, I dealt with it, went to work on Wednesday and then went to therapy.

I went into therapy the next day, told him I forgot my phone, which is where I write what goes on with me during the week, and brought up something we had talked about the previous session. It's hard to believe, but I totally forgot that I had had such a horribly triggering experience??. I remember saying, like, I didn't text you or anything, did I? And he kind of said no. So I left therapy.

I really needed to talk to him about what happened but in therapy, it was like nothing had happened???. What is wrong with me? Now I can't talk to him in order to process what happened for two weeks. I would have been fine with his vacation but this happening and not being able to talk to him about it sucks.

[BonnieJean]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time - first the triggering and then not getting to talk to t about it. Would journaling about until t gets back help at all?

Originally Posted by BonnieJean

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time - first the triggering and then not getting to talk to t about it. Would journaling about until t gets back help at all?

Yes, I will be journaling. Thank you! I just wanted to reach out

[mostlylurking]

I've had this happen once or twice and wondered if it's some kind of subconscious defense mechanism... to just forget about the painful thing you had intended to say.

The very first session I had with my T to talk about my self esteem issues, I don't even know what I talked about, but I never mentioned my rotten school experiences even though they were clearly the cause. It was like it just slipped my mind, and yet it's pretty much the entire reason I was there.

I'm sorry you're feeling all this shame and self-hatred. I've been there and it feels pretty intolerable, but it does fade. Is there someone you trust that you can tell this recent story to? It's worse when it feels like a secret or something you're alone with.