[Avaray]

Hi. I had therapy yesterday and my psychologist and I have a good therapeutic relationship.
I am a grownup and I normally battle to look in his eyes for about 65% of our session time but yesturday I needed to hold a cushion in front of my face to block him out of view and I just needed it there during that part of our discussion, if i had of taken it down I wouldn't have been able to control my emotions and probably would have cracked up and cried. I was battling not to let myself cry and I was battling to get some words out. I felt like such an idiot I even said sorry, he was very sweet and patient but I just needed to hide behind that thing even though I felt so dumb. Do any of you do stuff like that?

Yup,I did that with a psychiatrist. Held a paper up between us.

[Avaray]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Yup,I did that with a psychiatrist. Held a paper up between us.

Do you mind if I ask How did he react... And did you also feel abit safer but also rather embarrassed?

Originally Posted by Avaray

Do you mind if I ask How did he react... And did you also feel abit safer but also rather embarrassed?

He was rather amused and it showed in his voice, and that made me feel even more embarrassed than I already was. But it did allow me to say what I wanted to say. Later he held up a paper himself and then kinda stuck his head around it like "boo!" (He's a playful guy).

[Avaray]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

He was rather amused and it showed in his voice, and that made me feel even more embarrassed than I already was. But it did allow me to say what I wanted to say. Later he held up a paper himself and then kinda stuck his head around it like "boo!" (He's a playful guy).

He sounds nice... That also just helps take that edge out of that embarrassment. I'm glad you have a good psychiatrist. It's amazing how creating that barrier just helps somehow, thanks for replying.

[Elio]

I often have the feelings around wanting/needing to hide. I have not acted on them; however, I have shared them with my T. She knows when I say 'in the corner' or 'behind the couch', I am not feeling very safe.

She has seen me in the corner and she has seen me use a filing cabinet for emotional support and safety.

Eye contact even on a good day probably never gets above 50% of the time.

[anais_anais]

I constructed myself an entire pillow fort one time to make it so we couldn't see each other.

I never did it again, but I felt much freer with my words from behind there, not feeling watched and scrutinized and without the social pressure to maintain eye contact.

It's about a year later and I'm slowly feeling safer and looking up more. But my T has learned not to push the eye contact thing with me.

[anais_anais]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

He was rather amused and it showed in his voice, and that made me feel even more embarrassed than I already was. But it did allow me to say what I wanted to say. Later he held up a paper himself and then kinda stuck his head around it like "boo!" (He's a playful guy).

Mine did the peekaboo thing too. Half of me found it hilarious and the other half wanted to kill him!

[Avaray]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I constructed myself an entire pillow fort one time to make it so we couldn't see each other.

I never did it again, but I felt much freer with my words from behind there, not feeling watched and scrutinized and without the social pressure to maintain eye contact.

It's about a year later and I'm slowly feeling safer and looking up more. But my T has learned not to push the eye contact thing with me.

I also surround myself with the cushions depending on the subject matter.... Maybe thats why they have cushions

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Avaray

Hi. I had therapy yesterday and my psychologist and I have a good therapeutic relationship.
I am a grownup and I normally battle to look in his eyes for about 65% of our session time but yesturday I needed to hold a cushion in front of my face to block him out of view and I just needed it there during that part of our discussion, if i had of taken it down I wouldn't have been able to control my emotions and probably would have cracked up and cried. I was battling not to let myself cry and I was battling to get some words out. I felt like such an idiot I even said sorry, he was very sweet and patient but I just needed to hide behind that thing even though I felt so dumb. Do any of you do stuff like that?

I battle tears by looking away. Sometimes I feel emotional especially when I'm in the middle of a controversy and I get frustrated as if I'm not being heard. It recently happened to be at my sons Session with his T. I just looked away and had no answer. I was at a loss of words. I don't like showing my emotions and so far I haven't with my T. I've come close to it but only when we argue.

[skeksi]

I often hide my face, too. T looks away from me when I start to get uncomfortable (which is like 75% of any given session) and that helps, so I can steal glances at him while I talk.

[velcro003]

I once spent most of a session curled up in a ball on the couch talking behind a pillow, or really not talking. She commented that it did make therapy a tad more difficult not seeing my face, but she was just joking around. She was totally fine with it and never said anything about not doing it.

I always have a pillow on my lap, and it often goes up to hide when I am super anxious about something, or frustrated.