[colorsofthewind12]

I was triggered in my last session. I bumped into a pretty girl in the hallway and I am not sure if she was my T's patient. It has triggered deep feelings of inferiority, jealosy, not being pretty enough, good enough - I can't deal with these feelings.

I didn't bring it up in my session because I was so ashamed for my feelings and repressed it. It was only till after my session that I remembered.

I can't deal with this. I can't deal with these crazy feelings that I have. I have this major urge to cut and I can't regulate myself right now.

I want to quit so bad.

[mostlylurking]

Sorry you're suffering with this, colors. I don't think you should feel ashamed of this feeling at all. For one thing, you can't help it, our feelings are what they are. For another, I think that kind of jealousy taps into issues of poor self esteem like almost nothing else does. I know what you mean about being suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of inferiority. It's really tough.

Do you have any out of session contact with your T? It sounds like a time when you might reach out.

[growlycat]

When it comes to therapy, I'm an extremely jealous person , even out of proportion to how I am in real life. I am jealous of t's spouse, children, other patients etc.

I see them all as rivals for t's attention. Foes to be vanquished. But I had a learning moment years ago with my long term t that opened my eyes a little

In my twenties, my t had double booked a session which was rare for him to do. There I was in the waiting room with a young guy who was clearly waiting for my t. He came right out and asked if I was waiting for dr S. Yes I was I growled and I was ready to fight to the death for my time slot. But this young guy was so nice. He said that's ok I may have the wrong appointment time. You should take it. Here I was like a jerk and this guy was more of a potential friend than enemy. Ever since that day when I run into a t's other patients I have to remind myself that in different circumstances I might like these people.

I get really envious too. T's other patients, her friends and family etc. I'm still envious she enjoys spending time with them, eats with them, loves them, they get to see more of her etc.

I try to remind myself that her friends and family don't get to see the therapist-side of her where she pours all her focus and attention on my issues in our alloted hour.

I get insanely envious of her other patients, especially if I happen to see them. It's irrational but I want T all to myself, to be her only client... I try to tell myself that she cares for and values each of us in our own unique ways. She has said we're all special, in our unique ways. But of course, I'm still envious and possessive...

I'm not possessive like that outside of T too, usually I'm insanely happy when people I care about have other deep and rewarding connections.

[LonesomeTonight]

When I was in the erotic transference stage with my marriage counselor, at one point, the client who walked out before us was a younger, attractive women who was dressed in a somewhat revealing manner. I wondered if she might have erotic transference for him, too, and felt a bit jealous. Then a few weeks later, he was walking out behind her (to retrieve us), and I think she was paying at the desk, and MC tried saying something to her, and she was just like, "No," without even looking at him. I figured maybe they'd had a falling out and felt weirdly vindicated. Shortly after, he started seeing a different client right before us, so I felt better.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm jealous of the client that got my spot with ex-T, and the client who got my extra time slot with current T.

[runlola72]

I am thankful that I don't bump into other clients often, as he does sessions in his home, and usually the other client leaves as I pull up. However, the first day I saw T, the client leaving was an extremely attractive, skinny woman. I didn't care then, but in the time since, I wonder if she still sees him, and I feel jealous. I get it. ((HUGS))

[1stepatatime]

I used to get upset when my therapist would keep her client before me over into my hour.. maybe 5 minutes. It didn't happen often but I didn't like it and she knew it because I told her. Currently she sees a teenager before I go and they always end on time.. I don't have any bad feelings towards the teen.

[bounceback]

I would get jealous also. I used to have an appointment at 3 pm on tuesdays and usually would end up arriving early because of the bus and would always run into her other patient that she would see at 2 pm, used to bug the hell out of me. Also she had some clients who served in the military like she did and one was in group therapy with me, I would feel so jealous of her because I figured my therapist liked her better since they were both in the military. I also would get jealous of her family because they got to see her all the time.

I think it happens for a lot of us. You aren't alone.

[colorsofthewind12]

Thanks all for you support and sharing your own experiences.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

Sorry you're suffering with this, colors. I don't think you should feel ashamed of this feeling at all. For one thing, you can't help it, our feelings are what they are. For another, I think that kind of jealousy taps into issues of poor self esteem like almost nothing else does. I know what you mean about being suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of inferiority. It's really tough.

Do you have any out of session contact with your T? It sounds like a time when you might reach out.

You are right - I think it does tap into my issues with poor self esteem.

I need to ride out these painful feelings, I don't want to bother my T,but lots to work though when I see my T next.

My T works from home so there is no waiting area.
I use to be jealous. Painfully so, of the thought of other clients and even of her sons.
13yrs on, it's just a fleeting thing. I've had enough of T to feel sure I'm getting enough of her. And I trust her now to know she has enough for everyone.