[UglyDucky]

My fear of abandonment is brutal.

Does anyone know if this particular issue can be addressed and mediated in therapy? I want to end therapy feeling not everyone will abandon me, even if my T retires while we're still working together.

Any thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. will be so gratefully welcome!

[kecanoe]

I have been in therapy for years, but my fear of abandonment has gotten less. But we're talking years of intensive t. It's actually kind of strange to not have that fear being so big. But I plan to get used to it.

Yes, therapy helps a lot. Working through these feelings can make those fears have less power over you.

I dont think it truly ever goes away, though you can feel secure with someone after working with them for years. But then you have to start over again, in a sense, with a new relationship.

Yup therapy, the right kind *ducks the thrown tomatoes* does help. I was abandoned in reality and emotionally and no longer fear being left.

Yes it helps a lot, as long as you have a T who understands how important it is not to trigger those feelings.
My T is so rock steady that I now feel confident he won't abandon me. The niggling doubt still emerges sometimes, but we can always notice it and discuss what triggered it. He's really aware of that stuff, which is why I am able to work on it confidently.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Yup therapy, the right kind *ducks the thrown tomatoes* does help. I was abandoned in reality and emotionally and no longer fear being left.

I'm so glad for you, __mouse. I hope I'll be able to say the same in a couple of years. But the fear is so great now, I can't see myself living abandonment free. T "left" me about four weeks ago - dealing w/her/his own personal issues and wasn't present w/me in our appts. I started to detach. T was "back" yesterday, and the feelings of relief were so overwhelming. I'll keep your response w/me as I struggle through...Thanks.

[BudFox]

I was rejected and abandoned by a therapist, even though I have morbid fears of this. Nothing was addressed or mediated. The wounds were deepened and the fears compounded. I felt more secure for a short time, while in therapy, but that just means I'd developed dependency, as with a drug.

People think it won't happen to them, because their therapist is different. So did I. I think the only sure way to avoid feeling abandoned in therapy is to stop on your own terms, or simply never start.

[alpacalicious]

I think you can work throught this fear, but with the right therapist. There are therapists that focus less on this (mine knows I have it but she didn't tell me how to work trought this, so we don't work on this fear that is still present) and therapists that focus more. I suggest you to tell your T that this topic is really important and you want it to become part of your therapy

[MBM17]

I had extreme reactions to abandonment after I got married. It became really obvious after I got married. I struggled to not have a panic attack when my husband went to school or work. It had been present before marriage and based in reality in a lot of ways, but it didn't matter if it was based in reality. It was causing significant distress in my life, so I needed to do something about it.

My therapist did EMDR with me about it. Within a few months, I didn't freak out when he left the house. I was okay. EMDR really helped me with that particular instance with my husband, but I'm having big issues with this regarding therapy too. We tried to do EMDR but my response was so intense that we had to stop doing EMDR and put it off for a little while.

All in all, therapy helped with my fears of abandonment outside of therapy. However, I have not resolved my fears of abandonment within therapy.

[ruh roh]

Anything is possible.

i was abandoned and rejected by my therapist of seven years who promised she would t ever donthat
to
me. so i had huge
issues. my current t has been so helpful with menworking through these things. i still have fears on occassion but no longer paranoid about it.

[BayBrony]

For me yes. However it is not really that i have become less afraid of being abandoned. Its more that i am coming to believe that i am loveable, i am enough, i am sufficient all on my own. If someone leaves me it doesnt mean there is something wrong with me, or that everyone will leave, or i will always be alone. I do not need anyone else to approve of me to love myself. I dont knlw if that os the same thing but it works for me.

[nottrustin]

I have been wondering this very thing. T recently sold her house aams is moving out of state (about 2 hours away). She plans to travel here once a week until at least this summer to see clients. . We have discussed and worked on my fear of abandonment. Right now though all those fears are coming out. I have no idea how to bring up the topic

[BudFox]

I think a big problem with with this whole concept is that people with significant abandonment fears are naturally going to seek (consciously or unconsciously) from therapy some sort of "secure base". But how can it be secure when the therapist's investment in the relationship might well be superficial? That is decidedly insecure and sets up the conditions for the very abandonment the client cannot bear. There are plenty of accounts of therapists almost casually ending these things.