Texting with T

BayBrony · Dec 04, 2016, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

If you cannot afford it, then stop texting. Not sure how much additional cost you are paying, but Perhaps an additional session each month or something instead of the texts. Or, journal what is on your mind and share important parts if needed in session. While some here text regularly with their therapists, I guess more either never text at all or only text occasionally about scheduling, etc. Sounds a bit like this is more like additional therapy via text which may be why you are charged.

This made me think...bc my t texts me and does not charge but there is NO therapy by texting. She will tell me she loves me, encourage me etc but if i have big feelings or am wrestling with something she wont deal with that on text

LonesomeTonight · Dec 04, 2016, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BayBrony

This made me think...bc my t texts me and does not charge but there is NO therapy by texting. She will tell me she loves me, encourage me etc but if i have big feelings or am wrestling with something she wont deal with that on text

This is generally true in my case, too, with both T and marriage counselor. Some encouragement or support, or a response just to let me know they're there/listening--but not really "therapy." We have done more therapy-type stuff by phone though (and a few times, my texts were requests to talk on the phone when they had a few free minutes).

Dec 04, 2016, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BayBrony

This made me think...bc my t texts me and does not charge but there is NO therapy by texting. She will tell me she loves me, encourage me etc but if i have big feelings or am wrestling with something she wont deal with that on text

My t too. She won't do therapy by text or email. Which for me is a good thing, because if she did, I would probably text and email her way too much.

Dec 04, 2016, 06:31 PM

My T allows me to text him. Sometimes I text him each week, sometimes I am able to skip one or two weeks of texting. On my side, I am trying to text less frequently. I express how grateful I am and that I don't like intruding on his family time.

Dec 04, 2016, 07:41 PM

my t and i do. she does not charge.

SoConfused623 · Dec 04, 2016, 08:24 PM

I do not have any out of session contact unless it's for scheduling and then I can leave a message on her work voicemail. I do not know her cell number or her email address and she definitely does not give it out. I've never wanted out of session contact so it's not been a big deal. Only once in the past 2 years have I asked T to call me and she did and we spoke for about 5 minutes and she didn't charge me.

Creamsicle · Dec 05, 2016, 02:20 PM

I don't think we usually do therapy over text really. Mostly, my therapist will ask me for an update on the current situation, this one specific situation, and I will give it to her. And she will remind me about some self-care stuff and ask me if I'm doing it. And then she will probably validate some of my feelings about being stressed. That's usually how our texts go. I'm not sure if that would be deemed therapy or not.

velcro003 · Dec 05, 2016, 02:34 PM

My T actually initiated texting, as it was a last minute schedule change. I only text if it's an emergent issue that I really would like a more immediate response. It isn't often though, as I do not want to abuse her time, especially since she doesn't charge for any out of session contact. When I am going through something difficult, I will email once or twice during the week, and only call if I'm really having a hard time. I haven't called her in months.

Crook32 · Dec 05, 2016, 04:36 PM

I would have a problem with a T initiating the contact and determining how long it goes then making the client pay for it.

It would be different if the client was in control of the situation but it sounds like to me the T is and that doesn't sit well with me. Sorry not trying to start anything.

Dec 05, 2016, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creamsicle

I don't think we usually do therapy over text really. Mostly, my therapist will ask me for an update on the current situation, this one specific situation, and I will give it to her. And she will remind me about some self-care stuff and ask me if I'm doing it. And then she will probably validate some of my feelings about being stressed. That's usually how our texts go. I'm not sure if that would be deemed therapy or not.

That's probably more therapy-like than just a quick check-in on occasion, particularly since you indicated it was a regular routine for you two.

My T doesn't do texts or emails, but we did talk by phone. However, it was only on rare occasions, so there was no charge. I suspect if I was calling several times a week for a prolonged conversation, there would be a point at which he would have applied a charge because that would have gone beyond emergency situations and into the area of ongoing phone therapy between sessions.

Creamsicle · Dec 05, 2016, 05:33 PM

I've agreed to the arrangement, so any responsibility for it is definitely on me. My T has asked me several times if I want to continue with it and I've always said yes, so it's definitely on me. (she has always given me the option of having less contact and having it be less expensive or continuing like this, so because I dont want to lose the support, I've always chosen to continue like this).

I do think she's right to charge me something for it, absolutely, but I'm just wondering now, especially having read everyone's responses, if what she has been charging me is unreasonably expensive. I sort of had that feeling deep down, but it's been eye-opening to realize that it's probably the case. I think I'm hurt by it from her. I need to give it some more thought.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 05, 2016, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creamsicle

I've agreed to the arrangement, so any responsibility for it is definitely on me. My T has asked me several times if I want to continue with it and I've always said yes, so it's definitely on me. (she has always given me the option of having less contact and having it be less expensive or continuing like this, so because I dont want to lose the support, I've always chosen to continue like this).

I do think she's right to charge me something for it, absolutely, but I'm just wondering now, especially having read everyone's responses, if what she has been charging me is unreasonably expensive. I sort of had that feeling deep down, but it's been eye-opening to realize that it's probably the case. I think I'm hurt by it from her. I need to give it some more thought.

For the charges, just wondering how that works. Like, if you text back and forth for an hour, does she charge you for an hour's worth of time? Even if responses aren't immediate? It seems like her hourly rate should be lower for texting because she could be doing something else at the same time (like, making dinner or watching TV) and isn't seeing you in person.

ruh roh · Dec 05, 2016, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creamsicle

I've agreed to the arrangement, so any responsibility for it is definitely on me. My T has asked me several times if I want to continue with it and I've always said yes, so it's definitely on me. (she has always given me the option of having less contact and having it be less expensive or continuing like this, so because I dont want to lose the support, I've always chosen to continue like this).

I do think she's right to charge me something for it, absolutely, but I'm just wondering now, especially having read everyone's responses, if what she has been charging me is unreasonably expensive. I sort of had that feeling deep down, but it's been eye-opening to realize that it's probably the case. I think I'm hurt by it from her. I need to give it some more thought.

What is her hourly rate that she charges for your texts? (If you don't mind saying.)

xRavenx · Dec 05, 2016, 07:18 PM

I never had a T that charged a fee for texting, but then again, I only text my T when I need to change or schedule appointments.

Sometimes I'll ask through text if I can be squeezed in for an emergency session if needed. I save the personal stuff for actual phone conversation or in person, but that's just me. I would think that with confidentiality laws, each T would have their own comfort zone when it comes to texting since it can be tricky. My friend's therapist does not give out her cell phone for that reason.

Creamsicle · Dec 05, 2016, 10:59 PM

She does seem to charge me for the time even if there is a delay in her response (which there usually is). She charges me at her hourly rate, which is the rate for an expensive urban area.

1stepatatime · Dec 05, 2016, 11:40 PM

Hi there
I'm sorry that you're paying a lot of money for the texting with your therapist. I'm glad that you have reached out to all of us so that you get various situations regarding texting. If your therapist stands firm on her price you may want to think about scaling back a bit.. if it's something you're not comfortable with. My own experience is that I usually email my therapist once a week after our session, it helps me to feel connected and also is comforting if something is upsetting me. Texting is pretty much for scheduling stuff. She's never made this a rule but it works for both of us. In all the years we've been doing this work I think I've only called her once or twice, and that was for scheduling an appointment for myself and my partner to come in together.
I hope this is something that you and your therapist can discuss and come to a good compromise. : )

Lauliza · Dec 06, 2016, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crook32

I would have a problem with a T initiating the contact and determining how long it goes then making the client pay for it.

It would be different if the client was in control of the situation but it sounds like to me the T is and that doesn't sit well with me. Sorry not trying to start anything.

Is what you're getting out of texting really worth that kind of money or Is there another way you can get support? if not i guess i might suggest only you initiate the texts if absolutely necessary. I'm not trying to be critical, but her initiating and then charging so much doesn't sit well with me either. What if you didn't respond- would she still charge? Maybe an extra session when you can fit it would be more realistic in terms of the cost involved.

ruh roh · Dec 06, 2016, 09:23 AM

I went back to read your explanation of the arrangement. If I've got it right, this is your marriage counselor, not your regular therapist, and she initiates the texting sessions when her schedule allows, although you were the one to initiate the practice of texting? If I were in your shoes, I would schedule a second session per week instead of the texting. That way, I would get the full session benefit, plus the ability to plan when we were going to meet. Because I agree that it's a lot of money.

Creamsicle · Dec 06, 2016, 12:06 PM

Thanks, everyone. Yes, it's my marriage counselor, not regular T, and yes, T initiates the texts each day that we text, but she also initiated the process of texting – but she did it in a fair and reasonable way. We started doing it when we had to change our schedule and when I couldn't come in twice per week anymore because of where I'm living.

I'm going to have to give some thought to how we can change it up and still be fair to both of us and how to discuss it with her. This is going to be really scary and hard for me but I know it's important.

Dec 06, 2016, 12:51 PM

I rarely texted with my therapists but emailed a lot with both. Mostly I wrote and sometimes they responded other times (more often) not. No charge for any of it.

The way you describe it in the last post, Creamsicle, smells a bit like manipulation and a business agenda to me... I might be wrong but what I thought. Sounds to me like your MC wants to control the whole thing. Could you have a structure where you initiate the texts whenever you want and she responds when she can. It might be that you would need to wait longer for some responses but, IMO at least, the client should be able to control the course of therapy. It is kinda weird that the professional initiates it. Again, take what I said with a grain of salt, just my reaction to the post.

kecanoe · Dec 06, 2016, 12:52 PM

My t will do phone contact when I am out of town, and he charges for that in 1/4 hour segments at his usual rate. I am fine with that, although face to face is far preferable for me. Although I am one that gets texting for "free" the texts are limited, they are really just check-ins and will rarely go beyond two or three exchanges. And they are rarely more than once per week. If it was more often, I think we would figure out a plan to pay for his time. I think it is probably a tough area to come up with fair and reasonable boundaries and I think you are brave to open the topic up for discussion.

Pennster · Dec 06, 2016, 01:41 PM

If the problem is that you are living too far away, have you considered skype sessions? My therapist and I skype fairly frequently and it's very close to just having a regular session.

iGottaBme · Dec 06, 2016, 10:01 PM

My former T charged for reading and responding to emails and for the time that he spent "considering my email and his response." It was usually the equivalent of 15 minutes of his hourly rate. He did not allow email messages.

Current T welcomes email and text messages but I have never sent them. I never wanted to started texting or sending emails and then having T erect a boundary and stop allowing them.

I think that it is fair for a T to charge for their time which includes emails, text messages and lengthy phone calls.

precaryous · Jan 01, 2017, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creamsicle

Does anyone text with their T fairly regularly, like several exchanges that go back and forth? If so, i'm just wondering how your T charges for it. A set fee for texting, or a regular session fee for the amount of time, like by the hour? Just trying to figure out what would be appropriate. Thanks.

Is this the same T who has been busy lately?

The arrangement my T has with me is unlimited email between session but she may not reply to all of them.

When I first started to see her she gave me her cell number.
She would say as I left, "Call anytime." Or "Call if you need me." It took me a while to digest this and ask, "you mean I can call anytime?" That shocked me. We had to discuss it a few times before I realized she was serious. She literally answers the phone!
She does not charge me for out of session contact.

Its very kind of her to give me this access and not charge me. i did call her during a meltdown one Sunday morning at 8:30am. I woke her up. She wasn't angry and was very helpful... I felt bad about waking her up.

We rarely text.

I have had one other T who was liberal with phone messaging, although she had a voice mail. She would call me back, if needed. No charge.

I have seen quite a few T's and have never had these kind of contacts with other T's.

BrazenApogee · Jan 01, 2017, 03:18 PM

My T doesn't text, but I do email sometimes when I'm having a bad time. He does not charge, but he has been very clear on the boundaries. He does not always respond, and he does not do therapy in email. This has been hard, as when I am really upset and need him to respond the most he wont, because it would be therapy. I've gotten around this to meet my needs in the moment by asking for confirmation on our next appointment, he will respond to that and I calm down until session and we can talk.

It sounds like you are doing a texting therapy session. You are being charged for a regular session, but it is in text and at your T's schedule. If you are going to pay that much, why not ask for a phone session at your schedule?

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