I had planned to take a break from PC because last week I talked about early trauma in therapy, and the physical effect on my body was so severe that coming on PC, and thinking about therapy was physically painful.
I emailed my T and he gave me some great suggestions which really did help, and one of those involved taking time away from thinking about therapy, so it felt right not to come on PC.
I probably would have stayed away longer (even though I feel much better) but I had an incredible session today and I wanted to share it.
Even though there was such useful advice from my T in the email, I sensed some reluctance or uneasiness about the level of attachment I have towards him at the moment. It was nothing explicit, but just his wording which made me feel he was experiencing uncertainty.
I broached that this session, acknowledging that I have become very attached to him, and saying that I had a slight sense he was uneasy about it. It turned out to be a really meaningful discussion.
He said that he had felt a great sense of responsibility last session, he realised how important it was that he was alongside me, and he put the very best of himself into doing that.
He said he feels like he is holding something very precious, and that it is scary, because he's afraid of hurting me if he drops it. He said he has been clumsy a couple of times in the past and hurt me, and he doesn't want that to happen around this work

Possible trigger:

(CSA)

He said there will be times when he doesn't have the 100% focus he put into last session to be that present and self-aware, and those are the times he is afraid of dropping the ball.
We talked about the times he has unwittingly hurt me in the past and how we had worked through that. I said that I trust him to be alongside me, and I think we can overcome any difficulties.
He said that he feels like he can be honest about his vulnerabilities with me, but I mustn't feel like I need to take care of them, that actually he quite likes being human and is comfortable with taking care of that himself.
I said it feels like this is an important task we need to face together, and as such it's important we collaborate and we have an awareness of how we are experiencing what is happening. I don't feel the need to look after him, but I am immensely grateful for his honesty.
He said he wanted to acknowledge my preciousness and I said "I know that you care". He nodded.
The whole session we were so connected, I felt a depth of communication with him that I don't think I've ever experienced before in therapy.
In a weird way it makes the attachment feel less intense than it did last week, I don't know if that's because I was in a more adult place this week. It felt really important, like we were mapping out the road ahead together.
I am so grateful for him.

[ruh roh]

I'm really glad you had such a good session and connection, especially in dealing with something many therapists seem to fumble.

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm really glad you had such a good session and connection, especially in dealing with something many therapists seem to fumble.

Thanks ruh roh. I actually feel like I can accept it more if he does fumble because he is saying "hey, I might fumble this, but I'm really trying not to".
That tells me he is going to try his hardest, and that he knows it matters.

[granite1]

i love to hear about someone having a good therapy session .to see it isnt always horrible . i like your T . glad things went well and you felt so connected

Originally Posted by granite1

i love to hear about someone having a good therapy session .to see it isnt always horrible . i like your T . glad things went well and you felt so connected

Thank you granite. I like him too I hope you are on the mend

[Elio]

I actually feel like I can accept it more if he does fumble because he is saying "hey, I might fumble this, but I'm really trying not to".

I agree... my t said something similar and made me feel so much better to know that any "missteps" were exactly that missteps and not intentional. I don't envy t's job.

[here today]

Thanks for posting. I'm old and never got this, probably due to therapists' own woundedness, which they couldn't help, any more that I can help mine. Still. . .

Sounds to me that your experience comes close to I was "looking for" and never found. Glad that you have had it and, again, thanks for posting.

[itjustis]

That sounds incredibly healing and helpful for you. It sounds as though your T is highly competent, self aware, caring and honest. It's a refreshing change to read these types of relationships in therapy.
I'm glad you had a really good session.
Thank you for sharing

I'm glad you experienced this echos. My last session had sorta the same feel i get from your post. Very healing. Thank you for coming back to share!

[junkDNA]

im glad you had a healing therapy session echos

hugs

Thanks everyone. I am really happy to be able to share this. It's been a tough, tough week for me and I feel very fortunate to have a therapist who can acknowledge what tough work this is and to feel genuine care from a human, but skilled therapist.

[LonesomeTonight]

Echos,
Sounds like a really powerful and comforting session. It's clear that your T cares about you very much. And wants to make sure he's helping, not hurting you. He seems very self-aware, which is quite the difference from your previous T. Hugs...

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Echos,
Sounds like a really powerful and comforting session. It's clear that your T cares about you very much. And wants to make sure he's helping, not hurting you. He seems very self-aware, which is quite the difference from your previous T. Hugs...

Thanks LT. Powerful is the word, and I get the sense that it was for him too. Both this week and last.
I think he takes extra special care to be self aware and sensitive to my feelings because of what happened with T1.

[growlycat]

Thanks for taking the time to share this. I always like to check in with PC to see what both good and poor therapy might look like. Excellent therapy looks like yours.

Originally Posted by growlycat

Thanks for taking the time to share this. I always like to check in with PC to see what both good and poor therapy might look like. Excellent therapy looks like yours.

I have learnt so much about good and bad therapy from these pages too. As I am training to be a T I find it really helpful to see the many ways a therapist can fail a client, and hopefully carry that awareness forward into my practice (and avoid it obviously!). I think I sometimes take the good therapy experiences for granted, but I am fortunate to have a T who is such a good role model, as well as helping me through this difficult material.
I'm glad you found my sharing helpful growly

Sounds like a really deep and meaningful connection between you and your t echoes. Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry things are so hard lately. Sometimes I take breaks from her and anything therapy related too, it really helps.

[Out There]

Thanks for sharing Echos - we do get to see here what good and bad therapy looks like. But good therapy is tough as I'm feeling it right now. I've spoken to both my T's about the feelings of wanting to skip out on it all. It's nice to have people on here to share with and share the journey with as well as our T's.

[runlola72]

Sounds like a really valuable talk. Your T sounds cool.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Sounds like a really deep and meaningful connection between you and your t echoes. Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry things are so hard lately. Sometimes I take breaks from her and anything therapy related too, it really helps.

Thanks Mona. I am sometimes guilty of allowing it to take over my life. Sometimes even that is manageable but not when the work is so hard. If I let myself think of nothing else it would consume me. I have to think of self care too.

Originally Posted by Out There

Thanks for sharing Echos - we do get to see here what good and bad therapy looks like. But good therapy is tough as I'm feeling it right now. I've spoken to both my T's about the feelings of wanting to skip out on it all. It's nice to have people on here to share with and share the journey with as well as our T's.

Thanks OT, sorry you're going through tough work too, but I'm really glad things are going so well with both your Ts at the moment.

Originally Posted by runlola72

Sounds like a really valuable talk. Your T sounds cool.

Thank you. I think he's exactly what I need

[MBM17]

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! That is wonderful!