[Pink poppy]

I am just wondering what kind of comfort therapists provide if they don't do touch or hugs? Or what kind of comfort other than touch others have got from their therapist.

Most comfortable comes from the mind. We create our own comfort. Everyone users the relationship in how ever way they need to.

I can sit and replay things T said, how she said them and that comforts me.

[atisketatasket]

I think when a therapist is consistent and reliable and stable and anchoring, that in itself is comfort. Comfort doesn't have to be active.

[stopdog]

The therapist and comfort do not go along together for me. The woman does not provide such nor do I seek it from her. She would be a disaster at it.

I emailed her after my son's car accident the other day (he's ok) telling her I just wanted contact with her. Didn't even know what I was asking for, I just wanted her presence in some way because it is comforting in itself just because of the consistency, etc that atat mentioned. She texted back stuff to help me get grounded and was exactly what I needed. Just her knowing me so well is a comfort, I think.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Pink poppy

I am just wondering what kind of comfort therapists provide if they don't do touch or hugs? Or what kind of comfort other than touch others have got from their therapist.

My marriage counselor is good at comforting me just with this voice. It's a certain tone he uses at times that I call the "super-caring voice." He calls it "holding with the voice" or something like that. With both him and my individual T, comfort also comes from the words they use, whether in session or over phone/e-mail/text. They both generally know what to say to reassure/comfort me. That wasn't immediate, but after the relationship built up, from building up trust and understanding. Really, I find both to be a comforting presence in general, like just being in the room with one of them. Hope that helps.

[Elio]

Being emotionally held, her smile, consistency, openness, validation

My T will sometimes hold my hand or rub my back. Also, she'll sit beside me on the couch. Mostly she uses a nurturing voice, me it's okay, shares her own feelings about my experiences, and other caring actions.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AmethystFaery

My T will sometimes hold my hand or rub my back. Also, she'll sit beside me on the couch. Mostly she uses a nurturing voice, me it's okay, shares her own feelings about my experiences, and other caring actions.

Yeah, MC telling me "It's OK" in his super-caring voice has a really strong comforting effect on me. Once I was really upset about something in session and crying, and he asked me a question, but I had trouble answering because I was crying so much. So I said, "I'm sorry" to him, and MC responded with the "It's OK," and the combination of his voice and the way he looked at me with so much caring was really powerful. Pretty sure it was that moment (plus a few other things from past sessions) that triggered my transference.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T isn't very expressive in terms of facial expressions and tone. But I do find her comforting. Like others said, her consistency, reliability, and her stability. I also find comfort in her words. My favorite is "everything is going to be ok". I also find comfort in our hugs and in our emails.

[kecanoe]

Tone of voice, reassurance that he is with me and I am not alone. He will offer to text me between sessions to check in. Offering an extra session. There are some phrases that he knows are comforting. He'll ask if the youngest parts of me are ok. He will ask what he can do for me.

He does not use touch to comfort, just a handshake at beginning and end.

[skeksi]

i am comforted by his tone of voice and facial expressions. He whispers when I'm really panicky. Sometimes he scoots his chair closer or leans in to connect more. All that in combination with the words he uses can be very comforting. It feels like a virtual hug.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by skeksi

i am comforted by his tone of voice and facial expressions. He whispers when I'm really panicky. Sometimes he scoots his chair closer or leans in to connect more. All that in combination with the words he uses can be very comforting. It feels like a virtual hug.

MC has said he was taught that sitting a certain way--leaning forward, like you mentioned--combined with how he's talking is "hugging from across the room." And it does feel like that at times. The problem is, since he explained how he does it, now if he does that, I'm thinking to myself, "Ah, he's doing the hugging from across the room thing." It's like knowing a magician's tricks or something!