[ABC1357]

I've been working with my therapist for a few months, but decided to see new therapist. He has been great in session, but not very responsible. Cancel the session with short notice (often within 12 hours), always late to appointment, etc.... So I'm seeing some other therapists and considering to terminate current one if I can find a new good t.

If I decide to work with another one, should I tell my current t? How does the transition work? Should I start from scratch? Tell me your experience if you have changed your t.

I took a break from my first T and told him I would be seeing another. I basically worked on problems regarding first T with my second T and eventually (when I started seeing him permanently) we got on to everything else too.
There's no right or wrong way to do it though, it's whatever you feel most comfortable with or want to do. You don't owe current T any explanation.

[Ididitmyway]

It's up to you to tell or not. You are not obligated to do it, but to me it'd just feel much cleaner to tell, because I always prefer to make a clean closure. And it's also a matter of basic courtesy, which I usually express even if the therapist has been flaky and not very responsible.

There are no "rules" of transition to a new therapist if it's the client who made a decision to terminate the old therapist. You will just start working with the new therapist however you both decide to work. That's what I did with all my therapists.

[stopdog]

I don't believe in paying a therapist to tell them I am quitting. I just call and say I am not coming back and go on with my life. I do not consider it rude or discourteous. The client does not owe the therapist an explanation or closure or the satisfaction of knowing anything if the client does not want to give it.

[ABC1357]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

It's up to you to tell or not. You are not obligated to do it, but to me it'd just feel much cleaner to tell, because I always prefer to make a clean closure. And it's also a matter of basic courtesy, which I usually express even if the therapist has been flaky and not very responsible.

There are no "rules" of transition to a new therapist if it's the client who made a decision to terminate the old therapist. You will just start working with the new therapist however you both decide to work. That's what I did with all my therapists.

I wonder if that makes transition smooth, but I'm always scared to end something. It's been so much stress to think about it recently.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by ABC1357

I wonder if that makes transition smooth, but I'm always scared to end something. It's been so much stress to think about it recently.

I understand the concern. It, probably, doesn't make the transition smooth, but this is just one of the real life situations that has to be accepted as is because it's kind of outside of your control. The reality is that if the client decided to move on to see a new therapist, that's, most likely, because they are not pleased with what the current therapist is doing for whatever reason. In my experience, trying to resolve this with the current therapist doesn't work most of the time. Even if the therapist is conscientious and tries to understand the client's needs and to change their style in order to meet those needs they will be able to change just so much. Every therapist, like every human being, has their limitations beyond which they won't be able to push themselves. If a certain style feels natural to them they will continue to gravitate toward it even if they see that it's not working with the particular client. They might still be effective with those clients who are ok with their style. So, in my experience, trying to convince the current therapist that what they are doing is not helping you is futile, it's a waste of time and, potentially, damaging, because this would lead to arguments that would be hurtful to the client because of their vulnerability. The best way in this situation if you are a client is to take care of yourself by not engaging in potentially stressful debates and making a clean break. Even if it's not a smooth transition and wouldn't necessarily feel good, it's better to do just that than to prolong the frustrating experience which could lead to more emotional pain. Just my opinion.

[luvnola]

I've had several ts over the years and with most i"ve just called and said I'm not coming back. With a few who I saw less than 2 months, I didn't even bother calling. It's up to you, of course, but I never found any reason to talk with a current t about leaving for another t bc once i had decided, it was a done deal so why discuss it, iykwim. And i'm paying them for their time so I don't feel obligated to go in and pay them to tell them I'm not coming back.

When I ended therapy with the T I was not satisfied with, we had a lot of conflicts and in the end I simply just told him via email that I am not going back. He really tried to change my mind and kept sending emails trying to talk me back, even contacted me later a couple times, when I told him that I was seeing someone else already.

I'm like luvnola, don't think I should pay a T and spend my time more when I feel I want to quit therapy.

[ABC1357]

I'll see if the new one I'm seeing will be better, or at least as good as current one. It's strange feeling. I kind of wish if new one is worse, so that I don't have to go through the stress to terminate my current one and make transition. If the new one will be great, I would not hesitate to change. I hope I can find someone....

That's great point - I should't pay to just to tell I quit the therapy. Email sounds good alternative.

If you like the current T, have you tried to discuss with him his poor work ethic and ask if he could change it?

[ABC1357]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

If you like the current T, have you tried to discuss with him his poor work ethic and ask if he could change it?

No, I've tried, but I always start talking something different when I try to discuss the issue. I really have trouble to ask anything to people. I'm worried he takes it offensive, or maybe I'm just afraid of hearing "no" from others.