[annielovesbacon]

So I have a relatively new T (we've been working together about three months) and I really like her so far. She's very good at her job. So far, I've been pretty good about being honest and open with her, something I wasn't very good at with my former T.
But I'm a little scared about myself recently. More and more I have been drinking alone, at night, too much. I mix alcohol with my meds even though I'm not supposed to. Yesterday I found some old hydrocodone in my dad's medicine cabinet and I stole them... I haven't taken any but I'm waiting until I go back to school to try it. I've been taking adderall too. None of these drugs are prescribed.
I know these are all bad warning signs and can be a slippery slope... I know I need to talk to T about it because I feel like before I know it I'll be an addict. But I don't want to. I'm scared. I haven't told her anything big like this before, and so I'm afraid of her reaction because I don't have any experience with her to know what it will be like. I see her a week from tomorrow and I don't know what to do.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

So I have a relatively new T (we've been working together about three months) and I really like her so far. She's very good at her job. So far, I've been pretty good about being honest and open with her, something I wasn't very good at with my former T.
But I'm a little scared about myself recently. More and more I have been drinking alone, at night, too much. I mix alcohol with my meds even though I'm not supposed to. Yesterday I found some old hydrocodone in my dad's medicine cabinet and I stole them... I haven't taken any but I'm waiting until I go back to school to try it. I've been taking adderall too. None of these drugs are prescribed.
I know these are all bad warning signs and can be a slippery slope... I know I need to talk to T about it because I feel like before I know it I'll be an addict. But I don't want to. I'm scared. I haven't told her anything big like this before, and so I'm afraid of her reaction because I don't have any experience with her to know what it will be like. I see her a week from tomorrow and I don't know what to do.

Hugs...I'd start gradually with your T (unless you're really scared). Start with talking about how you're drinking more than you think you should. See how she responds to that, and go from there. I'm sure you're not the first client she's seen who drinks and uses drugs that haven't been prescribed to them. She's more likely to be concerned than judgmental.

Also, do you see a separate psychiatrist for the meds? If so, make sure he/she knows that you do consume alcohol (even if you don't say how much), just because some meds can be particularly dangerous with it (benzos, especially, and others are kind of hard on your liver).

[jeremiahgirl]

It takes courage to be honest in the therapeutic relationship. It would be wise to tell her what's happening, in a way it's an indication that she's hitting a nerve of issues your uncomfortable with. But this is also HOPE! Hope is seeing your self well and drinking & drugs are an escape from life issues. My question would be What could you lose? Accept progress, support, hope and especially healing if you choose to not tell the truth of your hidden habits.

When I chose to go into therapy it was because I was sick and tired of my dis function! Everyone comes to their decision to continue the progress or return to their dysfunctional ways. What's important to You? I hope you chose HOPE! I will be praying for you. A new year has just begun it's too soon to stop the momentum.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Also, do you see a separate psychiatrist for the meds? If so, make sure he/she knows that you do consume alcohol (even if you don't say how much), just because some meds can be particularly dangerous with it (benzos, especially, and others are kind of hard on your liver).

I do see a separate psychiatrist... I hesitate to tell him because he would just give me a lecture. I mean I know it's dangerous to drink on my meds, he's the one who told me. So telling him would just make him angry at me I think (He's not the nicest guy in the world)

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

So I have a relatively new T (we've been working together about three months) and I really like her so far. She's very good at her job. So far, I've been pretty good about being honest and open with her, something I wasn't very good at with my former T.
But I'm a little scared about myself recently. More and more I have been drinking alone, at night, too much. I mix alcohol with my meds even though I'm not supposed to. Yesterday I found some old hydrocodone in my dad's medicine cabinet and I stole them... I haven't taken any but I'm waiting until I go back to school to try it. I've been taking adderall too. None of these drugs are prescribed.
I know these are all bad warning signs and can be a slippery slope... I know I need to talk to T about it because I feel like before I know it I'll be an addict. But I don't want to. I'm scared. I haven't told her anything big like this before, and so I'm afraid of her reaction because I don't have any experience with her to know what it will be like. I see her a week from tomorrow and I don't know what to do.

You will tell when your ready. This post reminded me when I was in my youth. I would steal my mother's valium. Went down nice with booze. Took another 20yrs before I was ready. But I didn't understand that there were people out there that could help me. Never heard of therapist. That was way out of my league of life experience. Maybe if I had a T as you do. It could have been different.

[nottrustin]

Can you email or text t? I had a period of time where I was drinking a lot. I felt it was way ou T of control. T always allowed me to email her. So I sent her a message telling her we needed to deal with issue but that I had been unable to bring it up in session. She responded by thanking me foe having the courage to bring up such a painful issue and that we would work on through it.

Drinking and the associated emotional and lifestyle issues was the primary concern that brought me to therapy in the first place. I never felt any therapist judging me for it negatively and I told all of them in the first session (if not in the initial contact via email). I do know very well the urge to hide it though. I think it would be the best time for you now to discuss it with your therapist, before it develops further and becomes more complicated, with more secrets and negative consequences. I let my problem progress pretty far and I wish I did not because it definitely led to serious struggles and a number of irreversible consequences.

If you talked to your T about these behaviors and concerns, she may be able to suggest a variety of ways you could explore to stop now and prevent the drinking and drug use from progressing. Substance abuse is very common, probably one of the most common problems therapists hear about and yet a major concern people tend to feel intensely ashamed about and hide. I certainly did and was also dishonest with my therapists about relapses more times than I am comfortable with. But hiding and wishing it away unfortunately is unlikely to resolve these problems, more the opposite.

Kudos to you for recognizing all this early - I did not, or denied it for a long time, until it was a heavy addiction and definitely the most painful and difficult issue of my life. Now looking back, I know with certainty that it would have been much much easier to tackle it early and nip it in the bud that dealing with over a decade of being stuck and destruction.

Email might be a good idea if you feel more comfortable to initiate the discussion that way, you can ask the T to bring it up in session. Maybe talk to the T first also about your fear around telling the psychiatrist. In any case, I think it would be better to let everyone know if you are using drugs that were not prescribed to you and if you are mixing drugs with alcohol. I would adamantly disagree with a suggestion to wait until you feel ready. From all of my experience with alcohol and drug use issues (I know plenty of people from my recovery communities), we never really feel there is a best time to give up these habits once they get ingrained and compulsive, it's much more effective to act and not wait for any specific motivation.