Therapist body gestures: do they mimic yours?

I made a thread before about my T playing with and then taking off her necklace in session. Some people thought this was probably just me reading into things, or proposed that perhaps I had been looking at it -or her chest- enough to make her self-conscious of it.

Well, this past session I was pretty distraught and I KNOW I didn't look at her much at all but I heard her take off her necklace again (I wasn't even aware of the necklace until she took it off). She does this almost everytime she wears one. I have wondered if she puts it back on for the next client or how often she's taken it off that day. I have wondered why she feels conscious of this thing when in session with me.

But today, I also noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was mimicking my hand gestures. I was compulsively pulling on my sleeves and I noticed halfway through the session that she too was pulling on the end of her sleeves.

I've seen this general body mirroring before. Sometimes she mimics how I sit; if I'm either slouching on the couch, or leaning over with my hands on my knees, she will end up sitting that way as well. I used to wonder if these were just part of her process but now I'm certain this was subconscious and it makes me feel connected with on a whole other level.

I have come to the conclusion that she just has a deeply embedded instinctive empathy. When I'm that anxious, she FEELS it. She has mentioned her own path with boundaries and I can see that in how she subconsciously mimics my own nervous or not behaviors. She's still Her and doing Her Job but on some level, she's mirroring my anxiety and my pain. I get it now.

Do you ever notice you therapist mimicking your body gestures or reacting to your presence in a certain way?

No. 3 would go so far as to try to synchronize her breathing with mine. There were a few times I considered starting a breath-holding contest.

My marriage counselor seems to do that at times, sit how I'm sitting, whether it's crossing his legs the way I am, holding his hands a certain way (never noticed him playing with his hair like me though!) He's shared before how he was taught that sitting in a particular way, combined with what he's saying, can be "hugging from across the room." So I'm pretty sure he knows that copying gestures, which I think is called "mirroring," can make someone feel more in sync/connected. (I've read before that it can also be an effective technique if you're flirting with someone, incidentally.) I haven't noticed my T doing it though.

On another note, at one point, I was interviewing for a job, and MC gave me a few tips. One was to hold something, like a pen, in your hand to keep you from moving your hands too much as you talk and to help with feeling anxious. Since then, I've noticed he's generally holding something in his hand during session, whether a pen (he doesn't take notes) or coffee cup/other drink. Or he'll have his hands clenched tightly in fists. I know he has some anxiety issues, too, so it might partly be that. Maybe combined with his being from an area of the country where people tend to talk with their hands, so he's trying to avoid that.

My t does some mirroring and some behaviors to get me to mirror her, especially when stressed. She doesn't do it every time and sometimes I'm not sure she realizes she is doing it.

I'd have made it a game of kabaddi (I mean why stop at breath-holding).

OP: Sorry, off-topic -- to answer your question, no, my therapist doesn't mirror my gestures. If she did, she'd be hunched over, bending to her knees while attempting to touch her feet and mumble with her face to the ground -- would make it a trifle hard to conduct therapy in that posture.

I do notice these both in my and others' reactions. Far from only in therapy sessions but, as pointed out, some therapists consciously apply of this very general phenomenon that we use but most of the time are not aware of in everyday life.There has been a lot of fascinating research on behavioral mirroring and how it relates to certain mechanisms in the brain and its importance in communication and even evolution. There are many articles on the web, just google things like "mirror neurons, mimicking, empathy, transference".

Here is a simple one:
MIRROR NEURONS-CELLS THAT READ MIND | RoboZine

The thing with the necklace is interesting though. I think I could not resist and ask the T about it directly.

Not that I have noticed.

Ha! This is basically how I sit for the most part. And no she doesn't mirror that but occasionally she does play with her shoes or tug her pants leave like I do.

I have not noticed my T mirroring my gestures but now I am going to start paying more attention to see if it's happening. It's not something I'd ever noticed or thought about before reading your post.

My T doesn't mirror me. She sits with both her feet tucked under her, and I sit with one leg under me. She moves a lot, whereas, I tend to stay in one place. And she doesn't really change her facial expressions.

My Pdoc also doesn't mirror me, but she is over-expressive in her cues. Like when she shows concern, she leans forward and makes a clear concerned facial expression.

i dont really notice my T doing this. sometimes i sit there with my head tilted to the side, staring at him sideways... and he'll do the same. i think he does it to be funny though

I've never caught my T mirroring my gestures or movements, but I also have ADHD-Combined and I fidget a lot in therapy, so it would be hard for her to keep up.

She does match my tone though. So, if I'm in a low mood, speaking softly, often she will speak in a quieter tone at a slower pace.

I've had three other counselors and this is the only one I've noticed doing this. It's interesting. I know it's a 'therapy' thing but I really do think it depends on the individual and I can't believe she's conscious of it, which makes it feel more genuine.

Makes me wonder if she mimics others as well- or in everyday conversations.

I am fairly sure that mimicking the person you're speaking to in expression or tone is a well known instinctive communication behaviorism in primates.

I never noticed my therapists doing that. I think it would bother me. I did have them guide me through breathing exercises, etc., but that was very deliberate and directed.

Yep, this is exactly the link I've posted earlier is about.

No, I don't think she does. I'm fidgety during sessions and anxious, so I am playing with the pattern on the pillow, or holding a gem/rock thing, etc.

my first therapist used to mirror me. when i noticed, i started to mess with her, like changing into odd positions or moving frequently, things like that. she couldnt keep up

No, I've never noticed a therapist mimicking my body gestures (thankfully). It would definitely creep me out.

However, on several occasions I caught myself mirroring the body gestures of one particular T and this freaked me out just as much. I wasn't doing it deliberately. It was subconscious. On 2 or 3 occasions, I just suddenly became aware of it and became super self-conscious and embarrassed. I don't know whether T noticed it. I'm guessing so but it was never brought up. I don't even know why I was doing it because I don't think I have ever behaved in that way before with another person.

I understand that T's sometimes mimic deliberately to tune into how their client feels or to try and communicate empathy but what if it's not deliberate or it's the opposite way round and it's the client that's mirroring?

My t doesn't she sits back relaxed and I sit on the edge of the sofa fidgeting with my hands and sleeves. She said when we first met about sit back and relax and I said ok but didn't really move so I think she just like being comfy in there armchair and she wouldn't he able to hold her sheets of notes fidgeting. I have noticed that she changes her tone of voice if I'm struggling or if she's expressing some sort of emotion over something