[justbreathe1994]

For those of you who struggle with painful relationships with your parents &/or attachment to your T, how do you deal with the longing ache that comes up? Tonight I'm lying in my bed and all I want is my T or my pastor, who I both wish were my parents. I know that sounds so strange, but I have such broken relationships with my parents and it kills me inside whenever I feel any kind of nurturance from a caring adult because for that single moment, I feel safe. And the devestating part is that it just leaves me starving for more. I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way and if they have any tips on how to deal with the pain and loss.

I think talking about it with someone is about all that can be done.

[retro_chic]

I feel similarly and unfortunately I don't have much advice. My T has been away for about 3 weeks (she is back next week) and the break has made this whole attachment and feeling alone thing much worse. I haven't been coping in a particularly healthy way but taking everything day by day helps a little bit. I've also been distracting myself by watching movies and doing little arty crafty kind of activities. I also plan on talking to my T about this next week so if anything useful comes from that I will let you know.

[wheeler]

I wish I had answer, for both of our sakes! Is your T aware how hard it is for you?
For me, talking about it with her helps, and texting in between sessions allieviates some of craving.

[Elio]

I deal with it mostly through journaling. I allow myself to tell her and/or myself in the journal as often as I want how I am feeling about her at any given moment. And I am as honest as possible about the slight nuances between the needing, wanting, missing, and simply thinking about her. I share about 90% of what I write in the journal with my t so she gets to see where that attachment, craving, aching is in my connection to her. It is my hope this helps her understand how different events activate different parts of myself and my needs.

And I post here in the 'to t' thread.

[LonesomeTonight]

Does your T allow out-of-session contact? If I'm feeling overwhelmed with feelings like that, I'll tend to reach out to my T (or marriage counselor). Or if she doesn't allow it, type/write out what you'd like to say to her. And then maybe bring it to session (or not, sometimes just writing it helps). And of course, post on here--this forum has been really helpful to me as a place of support. There's always a few people on the Couch in this forum, so you could post there if you're looking for a response.

[Sarmas]

For me talking about it somewhat helps. I've been struggling lately with the same subject as well. I had a hard time functioning this morning. I'll be honest a had my coffee and took a caffeine pill. Then i went to the gym and worked out for hours. Basically I focused on something else almost like a distraction. Is it the best outlet or the best choice? I have no idea. It worked for now. It wasn't a total 100% resolution. The thoughts still linger in the back of my head somewhere but at least it's not as pronounced.

[Parva]

Maybe this off topic, but this popped into my brain as I was reading it...

Sometimes we beat up on ourselves for the need for connection. The need to safe and secure, cared about, protected. All of that. All the things we never had at times in our lives when our brains were forming...This is a YouTube my old T shared with me. There are two stories: One is the little girl singing Elvis. It's cute. The other is her repeatedly needing reassurance that her dad is still there. Watch her face when doesn't answer for just a second. How must it have felt to us as toddlers to ask again and again for reassurance, only be hear silence? This video was kind of a benchmark for me years ago. Most of you are probably well-aware of of how all this goes, but maybe when you feel a little shamed or a little 'weak', you can think of Ella Mae.

[Moment]

I remind myself that my having the longings is a good thing. It means I have not numbed myself and closed these feelings off. By better understanding this need, I can begin to improve relationships with other people in my life (people who are not my therapist).

But it is hard. What do I really do? Write in a journal, eat too much, indulge in netflix, and listen to saved voice mails from my therapist when things get really bad.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Parva

Maybe this off topic, but this popped into my brain as I was reading it...

Sometimes we beat up on ourselves for the need for connection. The need to safe and secure, cared about, protected. All of that. All the things we never had at times in our lives when our brains were forming...This is a YouTube my old T shared with me. There are two stories: One is the little girl singing Elvis. It's cute. The other is her repeatedly needing reassurance that her dad is still there. Watch her face when doesn't answer for just a second. How must it have felt to us as toddlers to ask again and again for reassurance, only be hear silence? This video was kind of a benchmark for me years ago. Most of you are probably well-aware of of how all this goes, but maybe when you feel a little shamed or a little 'weak', you can think of Ella Mae.

Didn't watch video, but what you said made me think of what my marriage counselor has said to me before. That it's completely normal to want connection and attachment--it's a regular human desire/need. This was in response to my feeling too needy because of my attachment to him. I think especially if you didn't get enough reassurance when you were younger, there's more of a need for it as an adult.