[alpacalicious]

I don't know if I'm making things up, if this is only an impression. Today I went to therapy, we didn't see each other for 2 weeks.
I felt a bit bothered when we talked about my future. I told her that I'm feeling ok these days, she then asked me what would be my next plans. I said to ther that I'm still having the desire to study as a social worker ( well, I'm already studying to become a SW but I can do 2 more years of specialization). I said to her that I want to help others in a job, as a social worker, but now I don't feel ready, mostly because of my social anxiety.
She then asked me "what if you don't succeed? Because there is crisis now, it's difficult to find a work, and so what if you don't become a SW?". I was bothered by that...I had the impression that she wasn't referring to the crisis, that she was thinking I can't become a SW because I have problems. And that maybe she mentioned the crisis because she didn't want to say "because you have anxiety, you will have problems doing this work", it's more gentle to say "well, there may be a crisis, so maybe you won't be a SW". She said that I can't be sure to become a SW, the future may be uncertain, and what are my second choices. I never thought about second choices, only that I want to work in a bakery but it's like a thing I'll do for hobby, but I said that, and she didn't say anything. She didn't say "you can become a SW, I believe in you!".
Then it was like she was watching at me like she didn't believe me, when I said "i'm fine, i can manage anxiety and depression well now" she seemed annoyed in a way. I had the impression that she knows that I'll fail, that I'll never get better, maybe she thought that I was lying to her (but I didn't lie)...I'm saying this because of how she reacted. She had a "suspicious face", like she watched me with shifty eyes, semi-closed, like I was strange or something. I felt very uncomfortable and not supported.
Then we talked about my fear of abandonment because she asked me "do you think there are things to work on?" I said yes, my fear of abandonment and rejection. Then she said to me things that I already knew, I was conscious about those things, plus she repeated things she told me 1 month ago, like "you have to live with it, you don't have to care about others, you have to feel good with yourself, when you are in a relationship you'll have to accept that the other can leave you, otherwise you'll always question the relation, people can leave you and it's normal". Yes, I'm aware of this, rationally speaking, I knew those things. I feel like she can't help me anymore, she kept repeating herself and that maybe I need someone more specialized. I don't know if I'm making things up, if I'm too harsh with her by saying these things...But I ended therapy feeling bothered, not supported, like she didn't care. Maybe it's only my fear speaking.
I want to add that I'm feeling very relieved not seeing her for 3 weeks (for the holidays). I asked her at the end of the session "when we will finish to see each other? Because when I'll graduate from uni, I dont think I can be on this service anymore". She said to me that therapy is a process, it can't end so abruptly, even if I'll graduate, we can see each other to reach therapy goals. I'm not sure to continue with her because I don't feel comfortable enough, I told her that maybe I want to stop, she wasn't sure, she didn't say to me yes you can. I'm afraid to tell her that I want to find another T more specialized than her, and that I don't feel comfortable (there is even an issue that I didn't brought up with my T because I don't feel safe talking about that thing with her...it's embarassing).

[kecanoe]

I am not sure if your t was trying to let you down gently by saying you might not be able to find work, but please remember that your t is not the one who decides if you will be employed as a SW. I know plenty of professionals who have bouts of anxiety and depression and still manage to do their jobs well.

Have you considered trying another t before you are done at uni? Maybe that would help you decide if you want to continue with the current t.

[ABC1357]

I'm not sure what she really meant, but I don't think your anxiety prevent you from becoming a SW. Like kecanoe wrote, I know so many professionals who has anxiety and depression. I heard that 40% of lawyers experience depression while they are students. I even found a therapist who has depression (https://www.youtube.com/user/healingdepression). It seems mental illness does not necessarily prevent us from succeeding in job. Good luck for your future.

[alpacalicious]

Yeah, I heard about therapists who have mental illnesses, and on YouTube I follow people (like Kristen for example) who are studying to become T and they also have anxiety or even PD. And the creator of DBT had BPD and she was able to be a therapist.
I felt sad because I wanted my T to tell me "you can do this" and it was like she didn't encourage me. Then I also thought "who cares, if she didn't validate you, you have to validate yourself, if a t doesn't believe in you, you have to do it yourself, and don't wait for others to validate you".
Maybe I can search for a new t. Since I live with my parents I don't want to tell them. I was able to see this t because it's where my uni is, so I had excuses for my parents, like "I'm going uni to do uni things". But now I want to find someone who live in my area and not 2 hours away. My area is a bit small so there aren't many T who are doing private service. I'll do a research online. When I'll see my T I'll address this topic.. In reality I spoke about me wanting to leave 2 months ago but in the end I stayed because she seemed different, more participative.

[CantExplain]

Some Ts underestimate the value of encouragement.

[Erebos]

Is it possible you have out grown her and maybe she is feeling it and not responding appropriately.

[growlycat]

Maybe she meant a countrywide crisis, like the upcoming political figures slashing social services. That would mean not only less work but a larger more difficult caseload. She may not have meant anything negative about you or your abilities