[shakespeare47]

It's been a while since I was in therapy.

What I want is just a friend to talk to and to be supportive. And someone who will help me make and achieve some goals.

I do like what I know of CBT therapy, and it sounds like she knows the basics, but isn't overjoyed about it.

She specializes in grief, trauma, anxiety and depression and is a certified EMDR therapist.

This sounds like a good way to look at how to determine if she is right for me....

The early sessions should focus on developing a shared understanding of what is really the matter—an understanding that makes sense to both of you. “What is really the matter” is not your depression or anxiety or eating disorder. It is what is going on psychologically that is causing these difficulties. A shared understanding of what is the matter provides a focus for therapy. Effective therapy has a focus.
This shared understanding may develop in the first session or require a number of sessions. It will evolve and change as therapy progresses—it is dynamic, not static. But there should be a focus from the outset, as a foundation on which to build. There is no point “doing” therapy unless both participants know what they are there to do.

Many therapists speak of the “therapeutic alliance” but fewer seem to understand what a therapeutic alliance entails. It does not just mean that you feel a positive connection. It is not an alliance based on anything. A therapeutic alliance is an alliance based on a shared, mutually agreed upon purpose—an alliance around the work you are there to do. A therapeutic alliance has three elements: 1) There is connection; 2) there is mutual agreement about the purpose of therapy; 3) there is mutual agreement about the methods you will use in pursuit of this purpose. All three elements are necessary. I often see the first without the other two. That makes for a warm and supportive relationship—but not meaningful psychological change.

[skysblue]

I suspect you'll just have to wait and see how she'll be a good choice. It's so difficult to know initially. For me, I have to feel a resonance immediately just like I do with new acquaintances. I know pretty quickly whether I want to continue to build a relationship with a new person or not. So, for me, that resonance is extremely critical with a therapist.

I'd say that tell her exactly what you want, like you did in this post. Check it out with her if she's not overjoyed. Maybe that's just your interpretation. That's one thing I'm learning in life - don't make assumptions.

[shakespeare47]

By not overjoyed, I mean I brought it up, and she said, "yes, I understand it, but I think there may be underlying issues that need to be explored as well"... or words to that effect....

[shakespeare47]

One of the reasons I'd like to see her is because my sister has good things to say about her, and I trust my sister's judgment.

Could the fact that she is seeing both my sister and I cause any issues, in and of itself? At this point, it's something in her favor.

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Could the fact that she is seeing both my sister and I cause any issues, in and of itself? At this point, it's something in her favor.

Some Ts won't work with more than one family member, others will. The biggest potential issue is that your sister might be a topic of your therapy (or you might be a topic of your sister's) and the T wouldn't be able to be objective. It's a conversation you would need to have with the therapist.

[shakespeare47]

Well, I chickened out. I called today and left a message to cancel the appt. I think I just have a different model of humanity and mental health that includes the study of philosophy. I'm afraid if I were to see a counselor, it would just make things more confusing for me, because she doesn't have the same model in mind.

Have you thought about trying an existential psychotherapist? That model tends to have a strong foundation in philosophy.

[shakespeare47]

I haven't heard of an existential psychotherapist, I'll have to look into it. There is someone I respect, who is an APPA certified philosophical counselor. But, here in the U.S., insurance won't cover philosophical counseling.

Here's some relevant information
Existential Psychotherapy

[shakespeare47]

Any advice on how to find an existential therapist? How about an existential therapist who will do therapy by phone?

[Out There]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Well, I chickened out. I called today and left a message to cancel the appt. I think I just have a different model of humanity and mental health that includes the study of philosophy. I'm afraid if I were to see a counselor, it would just make things more confusing for me, because she doesn't have the same model in mind.

My T is existential / humanistic and includes philosophy. I do well with it ( CBT is more common here in the UK but in standard form I don't feel its what I need ). I hope you find what you need with someone who practices that modality.

I'm not in the US but I just looked on the Good Therapy website, and existential psychotherapy is one of the filters you can search by. So is phone therapy.

[shakespeare47]

I couldn't find any way to search for existential therapists on goodtherapy.org, but the Psychology Today website does allow the user to search for therapists by treatment orientation.

I was able to find an existential therapist nearby who is also familiar with CBT therapy, so I just sent an email to set up an appointment. She has 10 years experience, but has a "limited" license.

Glad you found one that might be useful. I PMed you instructions on filter searching on goodtherapy.

[shakespeare47]

I have an appt for tomorrow morning.

Good luck, I hope it goes well

[cinnamon_roll]

Hi Shakespeare,

I hope that this therapist is a good fit for you, that you feel understood and taken seriously and get a sense that he/she might be able to help you and support you in your personal journey. And, above all, not trying to sell any religious ideas to you - but since this is an existential therapist, I guess there's a good chance that this won't happen.

Wishing you all the best,
c_r

[divine1966]

Good luck!

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[shakespeare47]

Well the first session went okay, and I made an another appointment for next week.

From what I'm reading about Existential Therapy, I think I'll like it. I remember reading some books by Victor Frankl back in the 1990's.

My only worry is that I think I've been a little too pushy about finding an earlier time to meet. But, realistically, it's not that big a deal if I can't get an earlier appt in order to miss as little work as possible (and I do work for myself).

[divine1966]

That's great and I hope it all goes well

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[cinnamon_roll]

That's great to hear, hope the next appointment goes just as well.

Hugs, c_r

[shakespeare47]

I think I came across as unlikable in our first session, so that she thinks I need to change. And that's good, because I want her to be tough with me, about the behaviors/attitudes I also think I need to change. But, I also wish I had the feeling that she liked me. Because, I want her to like me.

But, I'm only making assumptions... it's too soon to tell. Sometimes first impressions (mine about her, and her about me) can be off.

[cinnamon_roll]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I think I came across as unlikable in our first session, so that she thinks I need to change. And that's good, because I want her to be tough with me, about the behaviors/attitudes I also think I need to change. But, I also wish I had the feeling that she liked me. Because, I want her to like me.

But, I'm only making assumptions... it's too soon to tell. Sometimes first impressions (mine about her, and her about me) can be off.

Shakespeare, that sounds a lot like the mindset I grew up in: Being bad, being in need of change, of redemption. My parents were tough on me, because ultimately they wanted my best (being saved and thus being able to change and be transformed by god)...

Yes, therapy ultimately is about change. You are suffering in some way or other and ultimately you want the suffering to stop. So some change needs to take place. And the therapist is supposed to help you with that.

If you want her to be tough with you - this will ultimately result in change, maybe, but out of fear, because you fear the consequences (therapist might reject you).

I do hope that this therapist will be a good fit for you, that you get a good connection and that you are able to work together towards you wellbeing and towards change.

BTW: If you believe it or not: you do come across as likable (to me, that is).

Best wishes, c_r

[shakespeare47]

I think my mother specifically treated me in such a way during my childhood that I am quick to feel judged and guilty.

I don't have a lot of good memories from early childhood (ages 0-10).

There are probably better reasons to change other than a fear of judgment and rejection.

[divine1966]

I always thought you are very likeable judging by what you post here. I certainly don't think t thinks badly of you or judges you

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