Preference for same or opposite gendered T

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 01:44 PM

I'm female and have tended to have better experience with male than female Ts. Most likely because my mother's pathology is fairly severe. I think I might accept care from a male T more easily than I do from a female. Since my male T passed away I have tried 3 other men and none have really worked so perhaps its time to try a WOMAN. Do others have definite preferences for one or the other?

precaryous · Feb 07, 2017, 01:50 PM

I prefer female T's because I was once exploited by a male Pdoc/ therapist.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 01:52 PM

Yes, I can see how that would create a strong preference!

Feb 07, 2017, 02:32 PM

I prefer female t's.

stopdog · Feb 07, 2017, 02:34 PM

I only hire straight women who are older than I am. I don't want to run into one of them in my community - a lot of my friends are social workers and I would never choose one younger than I am.
Men I just don't deal with if I am hiring a professional.
I interviewed two male therapists - one was an arrogant prick that I just stood up and walked out on about 20 min into the appointment. The other was touchy feely new age man that I simply had no respect for at all. The women I have interviewed have not been all gooey.
The male ones I deal with in my profession are either arrogant assholes or overly emotional - and all of the male ones I have dealt with have had very fragile egos.

kecanoe · Feb 07, 2017, 02:36 PM

I am less likely to get attached to women than men. So my first choice would be a woman. H picked the male t I am now so attached to. The attachment is lessening, but still.

I think it depends for me on my attachment pattern more than same or opposite sex. But I am not certain at this point if it is better to have a t I attach to or not. The jury is still out.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I am less likely to get attached to women than men. So my first choice would be a woman. H picked the male t I am now so attached to. The attachment is lessening, but still.

I think it depends for me on my attachment pattern more than same or opposite sex. But I am not certain at this point if it is better to have a t I attach to or not. The jury is still out.

I know exactly what you mean! Also, would it be better if there were transference or not, etc etc... My concern is that if I don't have this pathology playing out with a qualified ethical therapist, it could occur with people in my life and then seriously screw me over.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The male ones I deal with in my profession are either arrogant assholes or overly emotional - and all of the male ones I have dealt with have had very fragile egos.

Really interesting - my experience seems to have been the opposite. On the whole the men have seemed steadier and more straight forward and the women more insecure. In terms of seriously questionable behavior I have now had therapists of both sexes who have displayed it.

bearguardian · Feb 07, 2017, 02:59 PM

definitaly female. I dont think I could talk more deeply with a guy, they appear to me more cold and distant.

Purple dog · Feb 07, 2017, 03:09 PM

I will only see a female, I'm sure childhood sexual abuse has something to do with it. I saw a male pdoc, only for a short time, and only for meds.

MobiusPsyche · Feb 07, 2017, 04:00 PM

I don't have a preference and have worked well with therapists of either sex.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I don't have a preference and have worked well with therapists of either sex.

So far we seem to be the exceptions!

stopdog · Feb 07, 2017, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Really interesting - my experience seems to have been the opposite. On the whole the men have seemed steadier and more straight forward and the women more insecure. In terms of seriously questionable behavior I have now had therapists of both sexes who have displayed it.

Well, I was suing them on behalf of a client -so that might have had something to do with how I saw the fragile ego.

Out There · Feb 07, 2017, 04:36 PM

I prefer men - I did give a female T a go but it turned into a disaster.

But I have Mother issues and get on better with men in general. I've seen women for some other alternative treatments and that's been OK , but I don't think therapy with a woman would be for me.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Well, I was suing them on behalf of a client -so that might have had something to do with how I saw the fragile ego.

I would think it might!

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Out There

I prefer men - I did give a female T a go but it turned into a disaster.

But I have Mother issues and get on better with men in general. I've seen women for some other alternative treatments and that's been OK , but I don't think therapy with a woman would be for me.

Similar situation to mine - I just wonder if I'm not missing out on some beneficial primordial mother experience, lol!

Feb 07, 2017, 05:36 PM

My primary psychiatrist and family doctors are both men. My CBT psychiatrist was a woman. I've discussed serious matters including my sexual history, assaults and PTSD. It has not occured to me to feel awkward to discuss these things with any of them.

Feb 07, 2017, 06:06 PM

I strongly prefer men at least 10 years older than me. Same for close friends, it's a life-long patterns - what I've had my best experiences with. I was never close to my mother or not very much to other females earlier in my life, always gravitated to older males more. It's more balanced now and I would be theoretically interested how I would do with a female T but I am not looking for a new T now.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 06:17 PM

justafriend306, in my experience awkwardness around such subjects doesn't have to do with the gender of the therapist but just how comfortable they are. A T that gets uncomfortable makes it an awkward experience!

Xynesthesia - my ideal T would have the same profile; I'm not entirely sure whether it's worth trying something different just for interest! I suspect it's a pattern that could be set quite early. But yeah - I'm still playing with the idea.

Feb 07, 2017, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Xynesthesia - my ideal T would have the same profile; I'm not entirely sure whether it's worth trying something different just for interest! I suspect it's a pattern that could be set quite early. But yeah - I'm still playing with the idea.

For me I would try a female if I wanted to work on that issue specifically. For other things, I always think it's best who is most comfortable and natural to interact with.

thesnowqueen · Feb 07, 2017, 06:43 PM

Good way of thinking about it...

junkDNA · Feb 07, 2017, 11:57 PM

Men because...daddy issues

captgut · Feb 08, 2017, 08:16 AM

I'm female and i was searching for female T (idk why though), but i've found my male T.
A gift of fate! Lucky me.

Feb 08, 2017, 09:03 AM

Originally, I had no preference. I started with a male therapist but was completely fine with a female therapist (I had never really given the gender of the therapist much thought.) Until . . . I tried several female therapists that just did not work for me at all. It was probably just bad luck of the draw, but it made me refuse to bother to try females in the future (didn't have money to waste). They were to emotional and pitying to me. I immediately felt like they were treating me as broken, and they revealed much too much personal abuse history with me way too early (like in the first session or so) I assume because they thought it would show they understood me; it just creeped me out.

I have had three male therapists that were steady, straight-forward, professional, supportive, and who completely believed in my strength and ability to heal. That is what I needed.

bearguardian · Feb 08, 2017, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

They were to emotional and pitying to me.

Pity is like a shadow of love. It feels bad and makes the other person uncomfortable (like me). There are people who like to be pitied.
Talking about problems is perceived by most as a sign to feel sorry for. They dont realize its just a form of expression. Like a part of you that wants to go out in appropriate situations and paint the more complete picture of you. And also of course, in case of therapist, to seek for answers.
I always try to elevate pity to love.
But also prefer more emotional females then distant men. That is how they appear to me, its not always the case.

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