[Freewilled]

So I've been in therapy for like 4 or 5 years now on and off. I had a really transference-y relationship with the oldest T that ended badly. Anyway, since then I have held my Ts at a distance for fear of transference issues happening again. The end of the transference-y T was a bit traumatic and I ended up being hospitalized in the middle of it all. Long story.

Anyway, I realized a couple weeks ago that I'm having what they call intrusive thoughts and told my current T. She told me she has no real experience with that so...I decided to try out some Ts who do. I went today to see a T and poured out everything I could think to tell her about myself, my past, abuse issues and my situation. And at the end of it she said we aren't going to be working together. She said that she really couldn't do much for me and gave me the names of some self help books to try on my own. She told me to go back to my current T (who I'm still with, I was just trying to find a specialist is all). Ugh. It just left me feeling out of sorts and a bit rejected and like wtf? And maybe that my issues were just too much to her to want to deal with. Sorry just had to vent. No one in my real life would understand.

I am really sorry things like that are so painful.

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That sounds terrible

I think a lot of therapists would react like that to revealing so much in one session.

Last I was looking for a therapist, they didn't seem to want to deal with someone with real issues. Or should I say complex issues. I think it's good to cross them off the list right away though. The rejection is hard after you revealed so much of yourself.

Last time I kind of just laughed about the possibility that I scared some away. But in all seriousness, they seem weak or unprofessional to me, so I have no interest or need from that type. I did find one who was really good, and I even told her about introjects, attachment issues, and other serious stuff right off the bat, which is how I do it to weed them out. Decided to stay with my current therapist though...but sifted through many to find only one possibility...

I do know some therapists, like mine, appreciate clients who can verbalize things and have insight into your issues.

Hard to find the good ones. Sorry for what you've been going through.

[satsuma]

I'm so sorry! It takes such a lot of courage to put everything on the table like that, only to be told that the person can't help you.
I think you were brave to try to look for someone who can help you cope with these things, and hopefully it was a good instinct. The suggestion I have is to do a lot of searching for T's, and do a lot of research into them before you contact them?
In my case, one of the things I looked for was that they specialised in working with people who have BPD (borderline). I myself don't have this diagnosis ( although I do have complex ptsd but I didn't know it back then), but I know that it is often associated with a lot of trauma in early life, long-standing difficulties, problems with attachment and other things. So my thinking was/is that a T who specialises in this area would be well trained and confident and comfortable taking on issues considered "difficult"and that perhaps not everyone takes on.
Well that is just my idea anyway. I was very lucky that it turned out well for me. I hope you can find some help and that things get easier. It sounds like you went through a really difficult experience.

[Erebos]

Ok I am sorry but wtf?!

What exactly are these "therapists" treating if they can't deal with complex issues.

What did they expect when they became a therapist.

What type of people did they think needed therapy!?

Eugh, imbeciles!

Sorry, it's just...well, really.

[Freewilled]

Thanks for all the support everyone! I really needed that...she kept saying "I don't know. I don't know" when talking about how/why I had my breakdowns. You know I don't necessarily need all the answers but someone who cares to go down the road with me to trying to make sense of things would be nice. Not someone who quickly packs up all my things, throws in a few self help books for me to do all by myself and pushes me out the door! Lol well I'm glad she let me know that she can't handle me right off the bat. I definitely don't want to waste my time, or worse, have a therapist who ends up doing more harm. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but I'll stick with my current T for now. She has a reasonable level of compassion, at least.

Originally Posted by Freewilled

So I've been in therapy for like 4 or 5 years now on and off. I had a really transference-y relationship with the oldest T that ended badly. Anyway, since then I have held my Ts at a distance for fear of transference issues happening again. The end of the transference-y T was a bit traumatic and I ended up being hospitalized in the middle of it all. Long story.

Anyway, I realized a couple weeks ago that I'm having what they call intrusive thoughts and told my current T. She told me she has no real experience with that so...I decided to try out some Ts who do. I went today to see a T and poured out everything I could think to tell her about myself, my past, abuse issues and my situation. And at the end of it she said we aren't going to be working together. She said that she really couldn't do much for me and gave me the names of some self help books to try on my own. She told me to go back to my current T (who I'm still with, I was just trying to find a specialist is all). Ugh. It just left me feeling out of sorts and a bit rejected and like wtf? And maybe that my issues were just too much to her to want to deal with. Sorry just had to vent. No one in my real life would understand.

Huh? These can't be therapists. Even first year counselling students would have more insight into what you revealed.

[lucozader]

I'm so sorry you've had this experience, it sounds really upsetting. I can't believe they both behaved like that... Particularly with something like intrusive thoughts where it's so important to show non-judgemental support to the person suffering with them. So what if it's something they've not come across before? So do some bloody research, get some training! Mouse is right, most fledgling counselling students have more understanding of intrusive thoughts than them... and even if they don't they'd at least have the motivation and caring to find out.

A therapist who specialises in OCD might be better able to help you?

I think I've probably repeated what other people have already said a bit here but I had to join in - I feel really annoyed at what's happened to you.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by lucozader

I'm so sorry you've had this experience, it sounds really upsetting. I can't believe they both behaved like that... Particularly with something like intrusive thoughts where it's so important to show non-judgemental support to the person suffering with them. So what if it's something they've not come across before? So do some bloody research, get some training! Mouse is right, most fledgling counselling students have more understanding of intrusive thoughts than them... and even if they don't they'd at least have the motivation and caring to find out.

A therapist who specialises in OCD might be better able to help you?

I think I've probably repeated what other people have already said a bit here but I had to join in - I feel really annoyed at what's happened to you.

She actually touts herself as specializing in OCD exposure therapy and EMDR I was calling and scheduling with specialists in this area but I think I might be better suited to dealing with it on my own. I'm actually a mental health professional and I think that scares them off a bit. Maybe they get insecure (?) I am not a therapist though because I wanted to feel completely stable before I ever did therapy. Sometimes I wonder if I am more stable than the majority of therapists anyway and am holding myself back. Maybe I would be a good therapist. I dunno....

[lucozader]

Yes, maybe they were feeling insecure, and if that's the case they're still behaving unethically and are bad therapists - your needs come first and feeling insecure is the sort of thing they should have either worked through previously or be able to take to supervision. It's a crap reason to turn someone away.

Certainly a lot of therapy training in the UK involves working on your stuff so that you can be better able to support your clients, and a couple of years of personal therapy is usually a requirement (that's why I'm here!)... Anyway, it sounds to me like you're already more self-aware than a fair portion of currently practising therapists, I say go for it!