What is a successful termination?

SoupDragon · Oct 31, 2016, 04:47 PM

There's lots of discussion about endings at the moment and as I am starting to think about my own endings with my T, I wondered what makes for a good ending?

Can it be done without pain? Does the fear of pain delay endings? Do "we" get to a point when it is easy to finish long term therapy?

I just wondered what experience others have had, where there has been a good ending.

growlycat · Oct 31, 2016, 05:05 PM

Although I'm not done with therapy, I had to end things with Cbt t Sparky because of a job change/move out of state. It has been a good ending. He is tapering off phone sessions until I am ok with new t. Two more sessions left. I came away in a better place than when I started and sparky has left the door open to future conmunication within reason. He can't do long distance therapy and he and I will always be doctor and patient. But I can drop him a line to let him know how I am. If I need help or have a question say things don't work out with new t he would help refer me. I don't have many good endings in my life but this has been one. The best goodbyes are so long for nows

Oct 31, 2016, 05:21 PM

My mom always said that "A successful psychotherapy termination is any cessation of treatment that was agreed upon by both therapist and patient that has not resulted in criminal charges, civil or malpractice suits, shouted accusations, footraces and/or fisticuffs.", but my dear mother was always a few donuts short of a dozen.

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 31, 2016, 08:02 PM

My T and I are working towards a successful termination of long-term therapy. We do a lot of talking about it (fear, expectations, feelings, etc.) We have a plan laid out, and plans for if something changes. We're going to try to get my fiance involved, so he can help me once she leaves. We have planned to give each other gifts/items on the last day. And we will have a follow up appt 2 months after termination.

I had another good termination with a T 11 years ago. We had already reduced sessions when she found out she was transferring to another city. So I asked her if I could come back weekly. She agreed. I don't remember much, but I know it ended well.

Oct 31, 2016, 08:35 PM

I've had 3 very non-traumatic, pleasant endings to therapy over the years. I hate the word "termination"; it sounds like terminal illness/death to me. I prefer to just think of them as endings and changes. Life if full of such changes, and I kind of just try to roll with them.

In the first case, it was always a given that once I graduated, that would be the end, so it really wasn't something I gave much thought to. Toward the end, I had a good idea where I was moving to and I was in no rush to head right back into therapy. We said our good-byes, exchanged cards and good-bye notes, and moved on.

The second time was a matter of the therapist changing jobs and moving out of state. I didn't have a huge amount of warning -- maybe a couple months (can't quite remember), but it was fine. I was in a decent place and ready to go it alone for awhile. He had helped me find other therapy arrangements, but I decided I could forego therapy for awhile.

This last time was just a matter of me really feeling I was finished with my need for therapy. We really didn't even have any real "last" session. I just sort of stopped going because I didn't see the need. I could return if I ever feel the need for a tune-up, but so far that hasn't been the case. I don't think it was a surprise to either of us, nor did either of us feel a need for explanation -- we both understood I was ready.

I think I've learned that changing therapists hasn't been all that huge a deal for me. I tend to take long breaks in between rather than going straight from one therapist to the next which seems to be easier really. I know there are other therapists out there that I will be able to work with; I've found three really excellent ones over the years, so I feel pretty confident I can find more if need be (don't think the need will be anymore however).

Oct 31, 2016, 10:08 PM

I've only been in long-term therapy with current t (5 years now), so I have no idea what it's going to look like for us. (the first 2 many years ago don't count. they were both very short-term and there was no 'ending' with either of them I just disappeared. I won't be doing that this time around.) I think about it a lot, we talk about it, she always says things like "you know you don't have to stop. i'm not going anywhere." because she knows that I really don't want to, I just feel like I have to for some reason from time to time. I've taken breaks from time to time to let things kinda 'gel', and then we've picked right back up each time. I'm a therapy lifer....

stopdog · Oct 31, 2016, 10:29 PM

a not unsuccessful end to therapy is any cessation that has not resulted in criminal charges, civil or malpractice suits, shouted accusations, footraces and/or fisticuffs = seems to cover it for me.

atisketatasket · Oct 31, 2016, 10:32 PM

Where you're not left hanging. Whatever that means to you.

And Lefty, I think your mom hit the nail on the head.

Fuzzybear · Mar 01, 2017, 03:37 PM

When the "original failure" is not "repeated" - maybe... as in the parents/parental units inability to provide a safe and nurturing home to grow healthy kids ..

Hoping for successful, and honest terminations for all in therapy
(That combination, imo, is only "achieved" by therapists who are competent, honest, and compassionate

)

(I'm sorry, I only realised this was an old post after replying.. hoping my reply still has some value)

iheartjacques · Mar 02, 2017, 04:49 AM

Last great T ended things suddenly. Everyone else has either left or moved on after a short while so no real attachments till this one. Now after 3 years, he's leaving. And I'm heartbroken. 6 sessions left and I'veven cried my eyes out already.