[Merlin]

I just came back from my T appt and I am feeling a little unsettled. It's somewhat about the material we discussed - my difficulty with taking risks in my life, but I think that I'm frustrated about the length of time I have to wait to see her next. I asked if we could book a few sessions ahead, but even with that my next two appts would be Oct 3 and 17. I know she needs to go on vacation and two weeks isn't that long of a vacation, but then she has other work commitments elsewhere... she's teaching a class. I get all that, but I still want my time. Nov 24 is the next date after that, and I'm working, so I'd have to book time off anyways. I think I may see about my college's psychologist, but I'd don't know if there is a limit on sessions, or if her therapeutic approach (CBT) would work for me. I just don't know what to do. It's annoying that she has so little time.

[sunrise]

Merlin, it must be so frustrating not to be able to get the appointments you need. How helpful is she to you when you are together? Would you want to give her up to start with someone new? I think the fact she cannot meet your needs for regular sessions is a very serious drawback to continuing with her. But if she and you are a good match otherwise, hard to say.... Good luck!

[ECHOES]

It's a hard decision. I left a T because of her frequent cancellations (and her therapeutic orientation). I needed more and it's okay to need more... it's okay to want what you want and to give that to yourself.

I'm like you. I need a regular time. My T and I have tried some different time slots recently because I now have transportation so I'm not limited by the bus schedules. In the end I decided it didn't matter what day or time, I just need a regular time that's mine.

Have you talked directly with her about your need and your feelings about the scheduling? (beyond asking to book a few in advance). If it was me I would want to know that she understands how important it is to you and is able to provide for you. It almost seems symbolic; if she can't fill this need, can she fufill therapy needs...

I hope you are able to get what you need and what will be helpful to you.

[Merlin]

I talked to my psychiatrist about my psychologist, as well as a wack of other things, and he said that there were many other psychologists in the city and that i should be a able to get another referal. i said that wanted to talk to my school's psychiatrist because that would be free. i emailed her today and she said that her service it aimed toward a few session problems but that she does "supervise two Master's of Arts in Counseling Psychology students and [I] could meet with one of them on a regular basis." I've decided to try that. I talk with "Colin" on wednesday. I'm a little nervous because:

a) it's a new person
b) it's a student
c) it's probally a young male student, and what if he is attractive? at least with a psychiatrist my father's age i didn't have to worry about erotic transference
d) i don't know whether i would have to pay him or not, and, if so would it be covered
e) i feel bad "abandoning" my psychologist
f) therapy makes me nervous anyways

merlin, i would do what is best for you. Find out the answers to the more practical questions like cost and coverage. Just ask. Erotic transference can for between client and T without regard to age or attractiveness... it's just mentally more acceptable and pleasurable if it's a young member of the opposite sex. Transference is about the psychological, not the physical.

You are not responsible for you current T's feelings. She is a professional T and knows how to take care of herself. You can write her or speak to her in person or on the phone, whichever you feel best with, and tell her that you aren't unhappy with her exactly but that you feel you need more than she can give you. i think that is more than reasonable and i would be surprised if she felt differently.

Seeing someone that infrequently is not therapy IMO. There is no continuity, lack of closeness, among other things. The power of the therapeutic relationship isn't being formed in a helpful way.. you just end up wanting and longing and not getting your need for care met.

Find a T that will work with you and for you. This is a process about you.