[thesnowqueen]

Hi - sorry - trying to delete this...

[SilentMelodee]

Why? It's such a big struggle for a lot of us!

I'll say. I'm certainly struggling with it.

[thesnowqueen]

I was wondering how others experienced attachment issues. I've tended to have serial infatuations with 'authority' figures. Have others had this, and do they think it does stem from such a history?

I have when I was younger, many. I also got involved with such people quite a few times as friends or romantically and experienced it from the other end as well later (with my students). Not really with therapists though, I never really saw my Ts as authority figures... one of them tried to impose that but it did not work.

I don't necessarily see being drawn to authority figure types as "attachment issues". I think we can be attracted to people for many different reasons, this is one. It's probably an issue if it leads to obsession, never really satisfied yet ones craves it, if we allow being taken advantage of, or someone expects inappropriate favors. For me, I grew up surrounded by older men, mostly the friends of my father, and I got along with them better than my age-matching peers. I also had very good relationship with my dad (deceased now). I generally liked being close to mentor types with more life experience, knowledge etc than myself and never had problem with them. I think I wanted to repeat what worked well for me. I don't have this much anymore at this point in my life but it was a very strong pattern.

In my case with t, it's that she tends to represent the loving mother that little me didn't get. (And sometimes little me holds onto her verrrrry tightly figuratively speaking) I've had quite enough of the authoritarian mother that I did get. I don't know how in the world someone like me came from her. It boggles my mind. actually i guess i assume that i am like my dad used to be before she belittled it all out of him.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I have when I was younger, many. I also got involved with such people quite a few times as friends or romantically and experienced it from the other end as well later (with my students). Not really with therapists though, I never really saw my Ts as authority figures... one of them tried to impose that but it did not work.

I don't necessarily see being drawn to authority figure types as "attachment issues". I think we can be attracted to people for many different reasons, this is one. It's probably an issue if it leads to obsession, never really satisfied yet ones craves it, if we allow being taken advantage of, or someone expects inappropriate favors. For me, I grew up surrounded by older men, mostly the friends of my father, and I got along with them better than my age-matching peers. I also had very good relationship with my dad (deceased now). I generally liked being close to mentor types with more life experience, knowledge etc than myself and never had problem with them. I think I wanted to repeat what worked well for me. I don't have this much anymore at this point in my life but it was a very strong pattern.

I would say there are difference between authoritarian, authoritative and being an authority figure. Only one therapist iv had has been an authority figure to me. I think this is a quality I unconsciously ascribe, but it's also true that iv always ascribed it to people like teachers, doctors, etc - whose role would be this conventionally. It's always been borderline obsessive but only once became seriously destructive - about 16 years ago - catapaulting me into a severe depression...

I started therapy but only formed these kinds of feelings for a therapist treating me 7 years later. While these feelings have an erotic dimension I actually think they are primarily child-like, which is why I think there is some merit to the idea that there was some kind of infantile transference happening which would most likely (I think) implicate attachment problems. Also problematic because of preoccupation, excessive sensitivity, and there also became a compulsive reworking of questions of betrayal/authenticity which lead to extreme mood dips even without external triggers.

While for me it was also about a mentor figure, a guide with more knowledge/experience, I also think there was a dimension that was not rational. This T passed away a year ago and this has now been the longest I have gone without regarding anyone in this way. That might sound like a success but without such a figure I actually feel hopeless and without direction.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

In my case with t, it's that she tends to represent the loving mother that little me didn't get. (And sometimes little me holds onto her verrrrry tightly figuratively speaking) I've had quite enough of the authoritarian mother that I did get. I don't know how in the world someone like me came from her. It boggles my mind. actually i guess i assume that i am like my dad used to be before she belittled it all out of him.

Sounds like we may have similar mothers. Emotional and verbal abuse is kind of a staple.