[Creamsicle]

I feel really silly even posting about this. My T is pretty open in terms of self disclosures but in an appropriate, responsible way. She and I speak all the time about different movies and actors/actresses and often will recommend them back-and-forth to each other. Part of this is because we both like a particular genre that is a little offbeat, so I've often felt very connected to her over this. Well, today, she mentioned in our session that her favorite actor of all time is someone who I never, ever would have predicted and who is in a very mainstream genre. Not only that but she is apparently a HUGE fan of his, not just casual. She even told me that she has never shared with me about him before because she figured that I'm not crazy about him. It's so weird. I mean it's totally no big deal at all, but I am just so surprised. It really makes me feel like I don't even know her when I thought I did. And somehow I feel betrayed and lied to, but I know that's not fair of me! This is kind of a weird question and I feel silly being so upset, but has anyone experienced anything like this? Thanks.

[*Laurie*]

Hmm. Well, your experience reminds me of something that happened when I first met my husband. Our connection seemed SO strong, then he mentioned that his favorite actress was one I could not stand. I was kind-of...shocked...and dismayed. I just couldn't understand how our tastes could be so different. I remember that it really shook me up. And my reaction seemed so intense, I felt weird about it.

Funny thing is, that actress (Meryl Streep) turned out to be -eventually- my favorite actress, too.

[BudFox]

Yes I had a few moments like this that threw me for a loop.

Reminds me of this:
"Remember: a therapist is always a stranger to a client, no matter how well the client claims to know the therapist." -- Jeffery Masson, psychoanalyst and Freudian scholar

[Argonautomobile]

Never with the therapist, but I've TOTALLY had Laurie's experience with other people in my life. Yeah, it's weird when someone tells you something that just doesn't mesh with your image of them.

[Dawntreader]

We never really know anybody. Most of the time we accept this easily and naturally and it doesn't cause much in the way of issues. The fact that therapy makes a client 'feel' known, and makes them 'feel' close to the therapist is one of its many manipulations and lies.

I suspect the reason why this feels so powerful is because it reminds you that you don't really know this person at all, and no matter what happens in your sessions, or how much you tell her, you never really will.

And that includes what she really thinks about you when she's not being paid to put on a facade.

[rainbow8]

I experienced this when I found information online about an art exhibition that my T was in. Her painting title contained the "f"word more than once. I was stunned and thought I had the wrong person! She also wrote something about herself for the exhibition and that shocked me too. So did her divorce. I realized that I didn't know as much about her as I thought I did.

[WrkNPrgress]

These little moments can be quite a thing, I know.

Originally Posted by BudFox

"Remember: a therapist is always a stranger to a client, no matter how well the client claims to know the therapist." -- Jeffery Masson, psychoanalyst and Freudian scholar

This is a disheartening quote. It can feel so frustrating to think that they might be "a stranger." I don't think stranger is the right word because we DO know something of them.

The side they show to us is a real thing but it's a small part, not the whole. When those other sides peek through from behind the curtain it can be jarring. Personally I find it thrilling and informative. First I note the reaction, "Wow, OK WIP, what is this about?" I'll ask myself, "What did you expect?" and then, "Okay, WHY, did you expect that?" I can learn a lot about myself from what I project, assume and read into with my Therapist.

One of the most 'disillusioning' moments I ever had with my T wasn't even a fact or opinion that she stated, but the way she responded to something I had observed in public. I can only imagine she thought she was 'identifying' with my opinion, but she reacted a bit more strong than I ever would have and she was quite judgmental. She put on an ugly face and was mocking something. I didn't at all feel that way at all. That split second kinda showed me something of her own 'pet peeves' and how she might respond to something or someone she truly disapproves of. Honestly, she looked kinda silly, too. I was slightly embarrassed and felt myself pull back a bit. The fact is I disagreed with her sentiment and saw a judgmental side I'd never seen before. It still made her more human, in my eyes. It also made me kind of fear what she might be like when she's really being pissy about something.

Side-note* She doesn't know this, but I had seen a flash of this before when I ran into her at a café years back. Before she saw me, I caught a glimpse of her talking to someone on her phone and the face she was making seemed irritated and impatient and annoyed. It was a off-putting but then again, it made her more human in my eyes.

But all of this also goes to the point that those moments make me feel like I "know" her when I've only seen glimpses of the whole. Those glimpses are no less real but not the entire reality.