[chihirochild]

I'm terminating with my T in a few months b/c I have to move to another city (a 2 hr drive away) for work/school. It's all very harmonious... I've been seeing her for two years and we have done good work together; both of us have expressed a wish that therapy could continue, as we're still knee-deep in some pretty intense and productive stuff. I'm in the process of finding a good T in the city I'm moving to, and feel good that we'll find someone (both she and my pdoc are calling their friends/colleagues to find me a good match).

So here's my question: how much, if any, contact can I expect/request after termination? (Can I email her a progress report in 6 months or a year? Can I visit her when I come back to the city to visit my friends? Contact her in a crisis? Do we never speak/email/see each other again? Would it help to have small amounts of contact with her as I transition to my new T or would a clean break hurt less in the long run?) Obviously she and I will work this out together--and for all I know she could have a policy that precludes any post-termination contact, though this would surprise me a little--but I'd value y'all's thoughts on this matter.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? And/or does anyone have some wisdom about this issue?

The only person who can really answer those questions for you is your therapist.

I've always had some level of contact with my past therapists, but not really for anything therapy-related. They really can't do much for you in a crisis from a distance; you really need your own new therapist for actually therapy. Our contact was more for just checking in personally on occasion (by on occasion I mean maybe two or three times a year, so not nearly enough for actual therapy support).

[ScarletPimpernel]

Agreed. Only your T can answer that.

A T I saw years ago, transferred to a different job. We were together for 4 years. I asked to remain in contact with her. We agreed to one email a year. I emailed her for 10 years. Two years ago, she stopped replying. I figure it's been enough time and I can let her go.

Current T and I have talked a little about staying in contact. She said if she moves out of state, she'll have to make sure it's legally and ethically okay to keep in contact with me, and if so, I can email every 6 months. We haven't discussed if she retires.

[stopdog]

I did it with the first one I ever saw. It was not a big deal. We shared a hobby, saw a movie once or twice and had dinner a few times. She moved across the country to be near her children and we wrote for a while.
The second one I saw(for just a short while) - I just walked out and never went back - never had an urge to deal with that one in any fashion again.
And I assume I will have no contact with the two I see now.

[laxer12]

I had to terminate with my T of about 1.5 years because I was moving after grad school. I expressed concern about having to stop talking to her so we came up with an agreement that I could contact her for the next 2.5 months. I actually ended up finding a new T right away so 2 weeks after moving, my old T suggested that we kind of back off.

However, about a week after that, I had a family crisis and called her (in addition to my new T). Old T honestly wasn't helpful at all when I called...she told me she only had 10 minutes to talk which was totally fine but she just gave me advice on what my family should do. Really, I just wanted to process with her for a couple minutes.

I talked to her a couple of random times over the next two months but after September, I haven't contacted her at all. I know she would talk to me or respond to an email if I reached out but I know I need to let her go.

That was probably more info than you were looking for but I wanted to share my experience. Like others have said, it's really up to you and your T. Ask her if it would be okay. My old T made it very clear that she wouldn't ignore me if I reached out but she also wanted to help me move on. I know she had my best interests in mind and would still help me if she could. I definitely didn't want to have two therapists though which is why I stopped reaching out.

[feralkittymom]

Agreed that every relationship is different and needs to be negotiated between you.
That said, the ethics depend upon which organization she is subject to and how she interprets any guidelines. The only caution I would be careful about is that you say you're really in the middle of therapy issues, and the therapy is being interrupted, rather than having evolved to a natural ending. This exerts its own influence over the relationship and how it can/can't go forward.

My therapy had reached an natural ending point, though the timing was dictated by my T's emergent health issues and a need to retire. We never talked about any relationship going forward. A few years later, I was going to be in his area, so called to see if we could visit. From there, we stayed in contact, on and off, for many years. Some years the contact was occasional, other years it was more regular, with an ebb and flow typical of most relationships. But our engagement was never therapy-related: that part of our relationship ended when sessions stopped. It really depends upon both of your personalities and where you are in your lives what form any future contact may take.

[SummerTime12]

Each situation is unique, but in my case I had to terminate with my therapist of 2 years because she was moving to a different state. We worked really well together so it was difficult for me to think of not having her as my T any more. She said that as I transitioned to my new T, I could contact her as much as needed, and then afterward we could still keep in touch. I decided though that I wanted to wait to contact her until being secure in my relationship with my new T for a few months, as I felt that would make things less confusing and allow me to really try hard with new T.

Since then we've been in touch (texting/calling) every couple months on average. It was about 2 years ago that we ended therapy together. I don't reach out to her when I'm in a crisis, but I do ask her for advice if I'm in a tricky situation that's not so time-sensitive, because I value her input. If I were ever to travel to my therapist's state, I would definitely try to meet up if possible, so I don't think that's completely out of the question for the future

It's not as easy as it seems, in my case.

I'ts been a few years since I've seen him, we live in different states now. I've texted him here and there. We've talked about meeting for dinner with his wife. I sent him a gift and note once. I think it was for father's day, but I can't remember. He sent me a letter in the mail and told me he has thought of contacting me to see how I was doing, but he didn't want to be intrusive (don't remember his exact words). This seemed to have served some kind of closure, and I haven't talked with him since.

I'm afraid if I contact him, I might find out about health problems. Also afraid to open up those feelings again. In the letter he wrote me last, he said he imagined i was doing x and y, which was really positive...so I'm afraid to disappoint or sadden him because things are not that positive. I kind of feel better letting him think that things are really good with me. Things are in some ways, but much worse in other ways..

So many fears, didn't even realize till i responded to your post. Attachment is hard.

Just some things to think about. Hope you find something that works well for you.

[rainboots87]

I've done this with two long term Ts. I email updates every couple of years with a picture or two. I've also had a catch up session when I was back in town. Definitely no on the contacting in crisis- not appropriate.