[MBM17]

My therapist's most crucial trait is probably his stability. Without that, I could never rely on him. To me, it naturally seems like that would be true for everyone, but I suspect that's not true. Does your therapist strike you as particularly inner-ly stable? Or do you not really notice such a thing? Or you see something like that but kind of brush it aside because it's not relevant for you?

[Waterbear]

Yes, my T appears very stable and consistent. I couldn't do with out it I don't think. Don't know where I stand in the world but I think I know where I stand with my T, in the relationship that we have together.

ETA she could be a complete fruitloop in her own time, but if she is, I never even catch a glimpse of it.

All of my long-term therapists were very stable individuals. Doesn't mean they were unphasable, but I saw all of them during some very difficult times in their own personal lives and they modeled an ability to deal with their own stressors in very healthy ways. They were consistent in their approach to my therapy and to me as an individual. That strength and consistency of character and support was vital. I would not have continued to see any of them if I did not have a good sense of that. (I left a few who gave me a vibe of poor personal and professional boundaries, inconsistencies, inability to handle difficult issues, etc. very quickly.)

[Astridetal]

My psychologist is consistent bu tnot stable. I have neve rhad a really effective therapy relationship so no cue whether stability would help me.

My T's stability has been essential to my therapy. Nothing about his presentation or our routine has ever changed in over two years of work together. He also seems to really trust his own internal experiencing which has helped me to trust him, and in turn to trust myself. My favourite quality of his is certainly his consistency.

[stopdog]

It is not something I look for. I doubt either of the ones I see is more inner-stably than I am or most others. I only expect them to sit there and not act completely unstable during the 50 minutes I pay them for.

[Elio]

Yes. Now that I trust her, it is her inner stability and calmness that I seek in times of my biggest distress. I have read personal blog postings so I know that she is human and has a full range of inner feelings. For my 50 mins, she is calm, open, focused, and consistent.

[Out There]

Regular T is very stable and solid. EMDR T can get a bit flustered sometimes but aims as a T for his clients to see him as human and not as God - something he does very well.

[Pennster]

My therapist doesn't seem any more stable in his own life than any other ordinary human being, but he provides me with a consistent and stable experience in therapy.

In his own life he's clear that he's buffeted about by the vagaries of life as much as the next guy - but the way he does therapy is sort of more about recognizing how all of us suffer in life and taking steps to live a meaningful life anyway.

My T is very a zen, meditation, yuppie type. So yes, incredibly calm and stable. He's clearly found his inner peace, which is pretty impressive considering the little about his past that I know.

[rainboots87]

Mine is stable and reliable. I couldn't see her if she wasn't.

[kecanoe]

Consistency is mandatory for me. That doesn't mean that a t can't have a bad day, everybody does. But frequent fluctuations? I'd find someone else.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

My T's stability has been essential to my therapy. Nothing about his presentation or our routine has ever changed in over two years of work together. He also seems to really trust his own internal experiencing which has helped me to trust him, and in turn to trust myself. My favourite quality of his is certainly his consistency.

Yes! That's how I feel. He acts the same now as always. I am sensitive to this and would note variations. We did have a huge rupture around Christmas this last year due to various factors, but the reason we're recovering from it is because he is still constant.

He trusts himself as yours does. I hadn't thought of that factoring into the stability, but it makes sense. It's part of him being stable inside himself.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

All of my long-term therapists were very stable individuals. Doesn't mean they were unphasable, but I saw all of them during some very difficult times in their own personal lives and they modeled an ability to deal with their own stressors in very healthy ways. They were consistent in their approach to my therapy and to me as an individual. That strength and consistency of character and support was vital. I would not have continued to see any of them if I did not have a good sense of that.

My therapist is unflappable. I only know that he's got things happening in his life because he mentions one in one sentence every few months.

You knew when they were having stressors in their own lives?

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by Astridetal

My psychologist is consistent bu tnot stable. I have neve rhad a really effective therapy relationship so no cue whether stability would help me.

Aw, that sucks!

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by Out There

Regular T is very stable and solid. EMDR T can get a bit flustered sometimes but aims as a T for his clients to see him as human and not as God - something he does very well.

Does it work for you to have EMDR T not unflappable? Does it only work because you have the stability of regular T?

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Consistency is mandatory for me. That doesn't mean that a t can't have a bad day, everybody does. But frequent fluctuations? I'd find someone else.

When I read your post, I thought to myself, "I think even if he had a bad day, I'd blame it on myself." So maybe he's having bad days that I just don't recognize?

What does your therapist's bad day look like?

Originally Posted by MBM17

My therapist is unflappable. I only know that he's got things happening in his life because he mentions one in one sentence every few months.

You knew when they were having stressors in their own lives?

Yes, none of them were blank slate (I wouldn't personally use a blank slate therapist.) We very normally chatted on our way in or out of session for a few minutes. There were also times I knew of because they filled me in on the death of a parent or illness of a child or spouse, or they had been out ill themselves, etc. We didn't spend a great deal of time discussing these things either, but I knew enough to recognize when their own lives were at particularly stressful points.

I know a lot of mental health professionals and do not believe they are generally more stable than the average person, but I do want consistency and predictability from a therapist I am seeing in how they handle me and our interactions. This was the best quality of my second T and the worst in my first T. Both styles really affected me. I don't think that a T's consistency relative to clients necessarily reflects their own inner stability and how they handle their lives, it can simply be professionalism and that's all I need.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by MBM17

When I read your post, I thought to myself, "I think even if he had a bad day, I'd blame it on myself." So maybe he's having bad days that I just don't recognize?

What does your therapist's bad day look like?

I've been seeing T1 for almost 10 years. For a while, I was so unstable that I saw him 5 days a week. There have been a few times where he has told me that he was not at his best (due to death in the family) and given me the option of canceling. I prefer to go and chat to canceling. I just don't get into the hard stuff.

So for the most part, T1 warns me. I'm trying to think if there have been other times. One time he told me he was super sleepy, and he wasn't as attentive or quick to pick up on things as usual.

I guess that is how I would define an off day. Not as attentive, not as perceptive. He doesn't do things like be curt or dismissive or shaming. I would not be ok with that. He is always calm and steady. He only has panicked on me once, when I stormed out of session. He called the cops, which was an over reaction. But when I have been mad at him or demanding he stays cool.

My therapist is just an ordinary human being. she has her ups and downs. she is failry stable, but has some issues too.

my husband is a therapist. he is definitely NOT stable and has plenty of issues of his own.