[ChickenNoodleSoup]

So, maybe a bit of background: I have been in therapy since December last year, so about 4.5 months. I previously tried therapy twice, but didn't really click with the Ts. The T I'm seeing now is better. So far I've felt understood, I feel like I can open up, talk about everything (although I'm not good with that yet, I try), I don't feel judged...

I have mostly issues with anxiety. Especially being abandoned by people who are important to me. I have one friend who I value a lot, and I also have a crush on that guy. So, since he's more or less my best friend, and of course I have a lot of anxiety regarding him, we talk about him frequently. He also accompanied me to the first session, so my T pretty much "knows" him. So about 5 or 6 weeks ago, T asked me "do you have a crush on your friend?" to which I of course said yes. He asked one question (whether I sometimes thought about whether we could be in a relationship, the friend has a girlfriend), and then we moved on to another topic. I was in a very bad place at the time, I attempted a week or two later, and I think he was more preoccupied with these things...

The "issue": last Friday, T asked the exact same thing again. Whether I have a crush on my friend, the thoughts, but this time we talked about it more in depth. So, as far as I can see, he pretty much forgot that discussion ever happened before, otherwise he'd have worded it differently... I didn't say anything at the time, because on the one hand I wanted to actually talk about my feelings, and that was kind of more important, and two because I didn't really know how to (I'm already bad at normal social interactions, I just miss the moment where I could say something and then feel like I can't say anything anymore after). However, I still kind of felt weird about it. I wouldn't mind him forgetting things, I mean, it's an understandable thing to happen. But I was kind of surprised that he forgot some pretty important information about a guy we talk about in almost every session.

However, talking about this stuff also made a lot of emotions come back up. Not during the session, but about a day later. While before I was doing quite a lot better anxietywise, it's almost back to "normal" now (i.e. worrying constantly, and about things that don't really make any sense). And since I haven't seen my friend in a while either, it's really painful as well.

So, my question more or less is: should I even bring it up, and if so, how do I best do that? My T doesn't take notes during the session. If I would say something, I'd probably do so in the beginning of next session. I feel like asking "do you write things down after our session?" would be a bit harsh though... (although I have no idea whether he does...). But I can't find any better words. Also, I'd actually really like to talk about the things that last session has reminded me of. But I'm worried that if I say something along the lines of "you forgot about things", then that might become the focus and we can't really get to points that I worry much more about. Because although I of course don't want T to forget every second thing I say, I don't worry about that so far, since so far it's a one time thing... but I'd rather not have him forget the most important facts about my life, which I think is understandable.

What would you guys do?

[unaluna]

Since the relationship with the friend is kind of nebulous - friend? crush? - i would say it is reasonable for it to be stored nebulously in your ts brain ya know?

[jesswah]

If it bothers you, you should bring it up. Maybe... "I don't want to spend time talking about this, but it really bothered me last time when you asked if I had a crush on my friend as we had already talked about that a few weeks ago."

Even if he took notes, he probably wouldn't have noted something that specific (my experience with reading therapist notes is that they are rather general rather than detailed).

You can bring it up, and I would guess he'd apologize for not remembering. He might have also brought it up again because he sense your response might change from time to time or as a way to bring up a topic he realizes is a point of anxiety for you. Not sure. No way to really know but to ask.

It was pretty normal for my T's to occasionally repeat something or forget of conversation. I just reminded them again, and we moved on.

[kecanoe]

I don't think I would bring it up.

There's no way a t can remember everything about all of their clients. I think the therapist's job is to help me to see things about myself, and then when I ask for help in a particular area, to help me.I don't really see their job as being to figure me out and figure out where I need fixing.

But if it bugs you, then talk about it. Understanding why it bugs you might provide you with some good insight.

[Merecat]

Your T may well have forgotten, or wanted to see if your feelings had changed or simply get back into what seems to have been a very light touch conversation. It's clearly important to you so you could just ask about it. I've asked my T if she keeps notes, what she writes etc - they're reasonable questions to ask.

Do keep in mind that if you and your T talked about it, left if for 2/3 weeks and dealt with other stuff she may have sat with 90 different people in the time in between so just may have done a really human thing of forgetting. It's part of your life that's important and holds significance to you but she won't get that unless you tell her.

[anais_anais]

My Ts both forget major things and remember astonishing amounts of minutiae I had no recollection of saying. I think in addition to it being impossible to remember everything, from their point of view, there is a difference between what's emotionally important to me and what's clinically important to them. If I'm talking and they suddenly look confused I automatically go into retelling mode and don't think much of it.

But the part about the retelling being a bit triggering for you-- there's work to be done there. I would tell my T about this regardless of the reason why I had to talk about it again. You can discuss coping mechanisms and they'll have a fuller understanding of how much this situation is affecting you. I've become pretty vocal about when something we're talking about is upsetting me (I wasn't before) because having it follow me around all week after session is crazy-making!

[ruh roh]

They do forget things, and if you don't mind my saying, your communication even in your first post is almost like a whisper, so it may feel like you're being very clear in communicating to your therapist how important this topic is, but it may not be coming across. You have even mentioned that the emotions of it hit you after you leave. So I'm just thinking he doesn't have enough to go on.

Instead of talking about it in terms of his forgetting how important this is to you, I would ask to put the focus on this topic as a priority, just come out and say this is something you want to talk about that there's a lot of deep emotion around it. That should help direct your therapist to the right thing and sharpen his memory as this goes along.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

So, maybe a bit of background: I have been in therapy since December last year, so about 4.5 months. I previously tried therapy twice, but didn't really click with the Ts. The T I'm seeing now is better. So far I've felt understood, I feel like I can open up, talk about everything (although I'm not good with that yet, I try), I don't feel judged...

I have mostly issues with anxiety. Especially being abandoned by people who are important to me. I have one friend who I value a lot, and I also have a crush on that guy. So, since he's more or less my best friend, and of course I have a lot of anxiety regarding him, we talk about him frequently. He also accompanied me to the first session, so my T pretty much "knows" him. So about 5 or 6 weeks ago, T asked me "do you have a crush on your friend?" to which I of course said yes. He asked one question (whether I sometimes thought about whether we could be in a relationship, the friend has a girlfriend), and then we moved on to another topic. I was in a very bad place at the time, I attempted a week or two later, and I think he was more preoccupied with these things...

The "issue": last Friday, T asked the exact same thing again. Whether I have a crush on my friend, the thoughts, but this time we talked about it more in depth. So, as far as I can see, he pretty much forgot that discussion ever happened before, otherwise he'd have worded it differently... I didn't say anything at the time, because on the one hand I wanted to actually talk about my feelings, and that was kind of more important, and two because I didn't really know how to (I'm already bad at normal social interactions, I just miss the moment where I could say something and then feel like I can't say anything anymore after). However, I still kind of felt weird about it. I wouldn't mind him forgetting things, I mean, it's an understandable thing to happen. But I was kind of surprised that he forgot some pretty important information about a guy we talk about in almost every session.

However, talking about this stuff also made a lot of emotions come back up. Not during the session, but about a day later. While before I was doing quite a lot better anxietywise, it's almost back to "normal" now (i.e. worrying constantly, and about things that don't really make any sense). And since I haven't seen my friend in a while either, it's really painful as well.

So, my question more or less is: should I even bring it up, and if so, how do I best do that? My T doesn't take notes during the session. If I would say something, I'd probably do so in the beginning of next session. I feel like asking "do you write things down after our session?" would be a bit harsh though... (although I have no idea whether he does...). But I can't find any better words. Also, I'd actually really like to talk about the things that last session has reminded me of. But I'm worried that if I say something along the lines of "you forgot about things", then that might become the focus and we can't really get to points that I worry much more about. Because although I of course don't want T to forget every second thing I say, I don't worry about that so far, since so far it's a one time thing... but I'd rather not have him forget the most important facts about my life, which I think is understandable.

What would you guys do?

I'll be honest. I wouldn't take that too well. I do expect my T to remember our discussions if not to me it's a sign of my T having to many clients, too much going on, or not listening.

It's happened to me before and one time I said nothing and then the next time around I told her that I discussed it with her months ago.

One of our conversations was that I was having an issue in school and that it might mean me not continuing the program I was in. I was really upset. I never brought it up because the outcome was bad. She told me that she would follow up with me but she completely forgot. mobths later I brought up the subject and she said she thought everything was resolved and I had to remind her where we left off. It was disappointing.

I could tell that when I brought it up she had a look on her face like she knew she screwed up.