[laxer12]

I'm starting to get really frustrated with myself over how much I think about my T. I'm actually doing really well emotionally right now (no depression and very little anxiety) but I am constantly thinking about her. That probably causes the most distress in my life right now.

A couple weeks ago I said something in session about how therapy sometimes makes life more difficult. My T responded with, "No matter what your answer to this question is, I'm not going to stop therapy with you [she didn't want to make me upset because she knows I'm attached to her]. Is therapy making things worse for you?" I responded by saying that it had the potential to (if therapy with her were to end, for whatever reason, I would be a complete mess). She wants me to work on building up other relationships in my life but none of them will give me what my relationship with my T gives me.

I just feel so stuck and like these feelings are never going to go away. I spend way too much time thinking about someone who barely thinks about me outside of our 1hr session every week.

[kecanoe]

Just want to say that I can relate. And that it actually has gotten better. But that didn't happen quickly.

[lucozader]

I can relate too. That's why I'm here all the time - I don't think about much else. It's not because my life or relationships are lacking - I have plenty going on. It's just all meaningless compared to him.

At the moment I don't feel that therapy is doing me any good - in fact, it's making things worse. But I don't feel like I could leave. I'm terrified that these feelings won't ever go away and I'll be stuck here forever.

So... yeah. I sympathise.

ETA: Actually, it's not really fair to say that my life and relationships aren't lacking. There's plenty wrong with them both. I guess I just mean... it's not that I'm lonely, or something. It's not that my life is empty.

I can certainly relate too. While my attachment to t has changed over time (and even lessened somewhat recently) it's still there, and I still think about my therapy-workings all.the.freaking.time. What has changed - is that I think less about t herself, and more about what I'm working on in therapy, if that makes any sense. I used to totally obsess about her, though, and with her help I worked through some very powerful (and yes painful) maternal transference. I am lucky that she was able to handle it and help me get through it. I'm pretty sure it's not gone completely yet, but I seem to be past the most painful of it. Honestly, when the transference was at it's peak, I loved her so much it physically hurt sometimes. So yeah, I relate. Talking talking and more talking with t about it and lots of writing is what's working for me.

[anais_anais]

I can relate too...

I think your T is right, it will get better. As long as she is boundaried and ethical, she is a great person to practice having a consistant attachment relationship with, especially if you've never experienced one (though maybe you have). You might find that this stability runs off to enhance or start other relationships in your personal life, too. Understanding that your current relationships are unfulfilling is actually huge... you can change that, and your strong attachment to your T means you have the emotional capacity to make that change.

I'm in the same process and two months ago when I figured out that what i outlined above was my T's attachment agenda, I thought it was crap. I was feeling really lousy about my obsession with therapy, too. I was annoyed that he was trying to get me closer to him, or that he was trying to "earn my trust," as he put it, when the relationship is designed to end. But now in the past few weeks I'm beginning to understand that his design is working and I'm seeking stronger relationships with others. I think I have a few friends now. Friends that I actually LIKE and tell personal things to.

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by laxer12

She wants me to work on building up other relationships in my life but none of them will give me what my relationship with my T gives me.

This!! I am working very hard (not getting very far, or moving very fast, but still working very hard for me!) on building these other relationships that she is recommending for you, but I still sometimes don't see the point, because as you said, they won't give me what my relationship with T does.

I mentioned this to my T a while ago and she agreed. She said that most people don't crave those deep, deep sorts of relationships. I guess that this is probably because they have had them in the past when they needed them, but I could be way off base. I am sure she said something about other people wanting them but always finding that they are dissatisfied, because the depth is not reciprocated, or something.

Not sure we got to any resolution which I can share, I am afraid, but know that you aren't alone. Maybe a club could be started where we could more easily find what we need.

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I can relate too...

I think your T is right, it will get better. As long as she is boundaried and ethical, she is a great person to practice having a consistant attachment relationship with, especially if you've never experienced one (though maybe you have). You might find that this stability runs off to enhance or start other relationships in your personal life, too. Understanding that your current relationships are unfulfilling is actually huge... you can change that, and your strong attachment to your T means you have the emotional capacity to make that change.

I'm in the same process and two months ago when I figured out that what i outlined above was my T's attachment agenda, I thought it was crap. I was feeling really lousy about my obsession with therapy, too. I was annoyed that he was trying to get me closer to him, or that he was trying to "earn my trust," as he put it, when the relationship is designed to end. But now in the past few weeks I'm beginning to understand that his design is working and I'm seeking stronger relationships with others. I think I have a few friends now. Friends that I actually LIKE and tell personal things to.

Wow thanks for stating it like this - I think I've been coming to that realization myself but hadn't quite put words to it yet! That's exactly what's happening. It's a long slow process for me, but I'm getting there!

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

Maybe a club could be started where we could more easily find what we need.

I'm not sure if you meant this to be funny but I kind of chuckled when I read it I have actually been thinking about how great it would be to have a support group that is for people with attachment issues. I guess one issue there is that everyone could just get attached to the group which might not be effective but at least the other people there could understand...

The thing with attachment struggles is that there is no one to talk about it with other than my T and an online forum. My friends don't have issues like that (at least not that I know about) and I don't think they would really understand if I tried talking to them about it. People understand depression, anxiety, some traumas, etc. but attachment stuff isn't easy to talk about with people.

I just feel very alone with it all and the one person who can I talk to, my T, isn't available to talk outside of the 1hr a week I see her or maybe an occasional email. Oh, and I'm attached to her so sometimes it's awkward talking about.