Couch 137: Jung's Obsession

LonesomeTonight · Apr 17, 2017, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Hey, unless T is sick tomorrow, I have my appointment tomorrow. Hate only getting to see her once a month but perhaps I'm way way too attached to her. Pocket riders please?

During a recent "dark night of the soul", I texted her a ton of stuff. Told her I'm too attached, told her I'm frustrated I struggle to bring up difficult subjects I want to work on in sessions but keep writing LONG letters to her. In a fit of shoving her away, I confessed I audio record our sessions secretly. Please judge me negatively if you want but please know I already hate myself... I know what I'm doing isn't ethical, despite being legally OK in my country. I could go into the reasons why I did it but it's all been said before if one searches PC about threads on the same topic.

In a continuation of my lousy week, I also said she's the enemy because she's Christian. Yeah I got triggered over Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I know it's really unfair that I said that to her, and genuinely I know there's many good Christians. I'm just...upset because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing and happened to read something GRAPHIC about parents physically abusing their children due to these teachings which triggered me. Because i experienced similar and to be honest, I never felt T acknowledged the religious element.

I also told her stuff about my long term LDR relationship which isn't very healthy...as in I believe I'm abusive to my SO. And finally I told her I bought blades specifically to SH for the first time, and that I've been cutting A LOT more than usual for me...

I've told her several times that she terminating me would be a fair and valid consequence. Yeah.

I think if she does terminate me, I'll take a long break from therapy. I function, who cares if I'm miserable in life anyway? I'm just someone working a job I hate, treating the few people closest to me like crud.

Did she respond at all to any of the texts? Or is it her policy not to respond? I suspect it will be OK, but I'll jump in your pocket if there's room.

Apr 17, 2017, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Why not about your ex (who actually did physically injure you)? Or the two combined into one?

I hadn't thought about that, you could be right. Now you mention it, after the court appearance I was consoled by my brother's best friend (whom I always wished was my brother instead as my brother is an idiot and he is lovely) so it might have a smidgen of my brother thrown in too.

Apr 17, 2017, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Did she respond at all to any of the texts? Or is it her policy not to respond? I suspect it will be OK, but I'll jump in your pocket if there's room.

Her policy is not to respond.

My pocket has um... fluffy blankets?

lucozader · Apr 17, 2017, 11:06 AM

I dreamt that my partner arranged for some 'escorts' to come and visit us and they arrived in a car that looked like a corn-on-the-cob. "Royal road to the unconscious" indeed...

88Butterfly88 · Apr 17, 2017, 11:07 AM

I don't remember what I dreamt about last night.

Apr 17, 2017, 11:34 AM

Lots of dreams last night... Was it my drumming?

lucozader · Apr 17, 2017, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Lots of dreams last night... Was it my drumming?

I had put my vivid dreams down to eating a banana before bed, but I'd like to think it was your drumming too

LonesomeTonight · Apr 17, 2017, 11:47 AM

I did listen to part of your drumming, Art. Hm...

And watched the Girls finale right before bed. Which (using trigger tags for spoiler alert--there's nothing actually triggering in my post)

Possible trigger:

I thought was really pointless, and they should have just left it at the previous episode. Wish they'd jumped a bit further ahead, if they were going to go that route. And include other characters, too.

unaluna · Apr 17, 2017, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Lots of dreams last night... Was it my drumming?

I was gonna suggest yesterday you send it to trump - id like to see the resulting tweets!

Apr 17, 2017, 12:01 PM

I listened to your drumming too

I wondered if my dream came because I was awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night thinking about T.

Elio · Apr 17, 2017, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Hey, unless T is sick tomorrow, I have my appointment tomorrow. Hate only getting to see her once a month but perhaps I'm way way too attached to her. Pocket riders please?

During a recent "dark night of the soul", I texted her a ton of stuff. Told her I'm too attached, told her I'm frustrated I struggle to bring up difficult subjects I want to work on in sessions but keep writing LONG letters to her. In a fit of shoving her away, I confessed I audio record our sessions secretly. Please judge me negatively if you want but please know I already hate myself... I know what I'm doing isn't ethical, despite being legally OK in my country. I could go into the reasons why I did it but it's all been said before if one searches PC about threads on the same topic.

In a continuation of my lousy week, I also said she's the enemy because she's Christian. Yeah I got triggered over Good Friday and Easter Sunday. I know it's really unfair that I said that to her, and genuinely I know there's many good Christians. I'm just...upset because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing and happened to read something GRAPHIC about parents physically abusing their children due to these teachings which triggered me. Because i experienced similar and to be honest, I never felt T acknowledged the religious element.

I also told her stuff about my long term LDR relationship which isn't very healthy...as in I believe I'm abusive to my SO. And finally I told her I bought blades specifically to SH for the first time, and that I've been cutting A LOT more than usual for me...

I've told her several times that she terminating me would be a fair and valid consequence. Yeah.

I think if she does terminate me, I'll take a long break from therapy. I function, who cares if I'm miserable in life anyway? I'm just someone working a job I hate, treating the few people closest to me like crud.

I'm there... hopping in... make room for me. Do you want me to sit still or move around so you know you are not alone?

lucozader · Apr 17, 2017, 12:14 PM

Ooooh, I didn't know the finale of Girls was out. Thanks for the spoiler courtesy, LT. I shall watch it as a reward when my essay's done.

anais_anais · Apr 17, 2017, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Last night i dreamt i used to work with Ashton Kutcher. We were very close, ahem. Also i had TWO zipcars rented out at the same time. THAT is simply not possible! I was driving one to go pick up the other.

I looooove peeeeeps.

The zipcar thing made me snort my tea

My sweet old car is back, but I have to take it back in again next week for some unfinished stuff.... I'm experiencing newfound love and admiration for its simple functionality. No gear dial, no Driver Information Display (DID- seriously, another thing that made me snort at the time), no apps, no media center, just car.

I'm nervous about T today for some reason. I think because I'm not sure whether he'll be comforting and accommodating or just call me on my resistance/wallowing BS. Either way I wish he'd cut his toenails because last time they were really long.

anais_anais · Apr 17, 2017, 12:28 PM

I went to college with Lena Dunham, no one liked her

lucozader · Apr 17, 2017, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I went to college with Lena Dunham, no one liked her

Hahahah, that doesn't surprise me at all actually...

Are you serious about your T's toenails?

Either way, I hope your session goes well.

anais_anais · Apr 17, 2017, 01:00 PM

That's not to say people loved me, either, and Lena's got a hit series now. You win this time, Lena....

unaluna · Apr 17, 2017, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I went to college with Lena Dunham, no one liked her

Your rental car had DID?! That explains it, huh?

When i saw lenas movie "Tiny somethings?" I forget what, i didnt know who she was, like ten years ago, i told my t, this person is something! The way she portrayed relationships on the screen was just amazing.

Oh no. I do not want to see the ts toenails.

Demunie · Apr 17, 2017, 01:14 PM

T always wears black socks and sandals. I've been wondering for over a year now what he'd do if he run out of equal socks. He once had black socks with a white "Wednesday"-Writing on them. It was Monday. That disturbed me way more than it should have

Apr 17, 2017, 01:17 PM

I've never noticed t's toenails before although she's often not wearing shoes. Now I'll probably look at them when I'm there Wednesday. I can hear it now "how does looking at my toenails make you feeeel?" ha

Apr 17, 2017, 01:47 PM

I don't wanna look at anybody's toenails. Haha.

SoConfused623 · Apr 17, 2017, 02:04 PM

I'm in a weird mood today....the Boston Marathon (the world's oldest marathon since 1897) is going on right in front if where I live. Usually I really enjoy it and cheer on the runners for hours! Today everything just seems so noisy, the people are cheering at the top of their lungs there are cowbells being rung and it is just absolutely crazy! I feel very cranky and irritable and wish it would be over. Because I live right on the marathon route, the entire Street is shut down and you cannot cross the street nevermind Drive! There are thousands and thousands of people from all over the world running by and the street will probably reopen in a 2-3 hours but I feel trapped right now as I can only walk places. Don't get me wrong I live in the city so it's not like I'm trapped in the middle of nowhere, I just want it to be over right now. There are no quiet places at all in Boston right now, the city is 100% engaged in the marathon!

atisketatasket · Apr 17, 2017, 02:06 PM

Speaking of toenails, time to start polishing mine for sandal weather.

lucozader · Apr 17, 2017, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Speaking of toenails, time to start polishing mine for sandal weather.

Pink 'n' sparkly?

(588 words down...)

LonesomeTonight · Apr 17, 2017, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucozader

Hahahah, that doesn't surprise me at all actually...

Are you serious about your T's toenails?

Either way, I hope your session goes well.

Also not surprised that no one liked Lena!

Save

Apr 17, 2017, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Speaking of toenails, time to start polishing mine for sandal weather.

I was thinking I need a pedicure before I wear flip flops out of the house. I just don't want to pay 25 bucks for it right now. I wear sneakers to work every day anyway. I think I'll get one after work Friday when I get paid.

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Couch 137: Jung's Obsession

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