[SarahSweden]

It´s now just a few sessions more before my counselor retires and I already feel a sorrow and a sadness about it. I´ve had some opinions about her and shared those here at PC but on the whole I´ve got attached to her and I´ve already started to miss her. I don´t think she´ll do or say anything to make me feel otherwise, I now mean something hurtful or similar.

For some sessions she has accepted me sending her an e-mail with thoughts about our session and things we talked about. She made me a list out of what three friends of mine wrote about my positive qualities. I had earlier on asked them to write something about that to talk about my self image in session and I sent those texts to my counselor and without me asking about it she made this list.

She does a little extra for me and I also kind of feel she doesn´t think it´s just going to be easy to end our contact even if the date has been set from the beginning as she retires.

Now I just cry and I feel it´s so typical to find someone nice and then it ends even if knew we would have end after a shorter period of time. It´s a bit like my first T, I feel the warmth and the caring and now it will all end. So sad and it´s nothing to do but cry.

[ruh roh]

I'm glad you were able to experience kindness and that you could feel that it wasn't fake. Despite the ending, it's good to have found something positive in this.

[satsuma]

I'm also so sorry for the sadness of losing this counsellor, but I'm so glad that you were able to experience kindness with her, as ruh-roh said. I think having a positive connection and experience with someone, whether T or counsellor or friend or whoever, is always a positive and in some way healing experience in our lives, so I'm glad you had this one. Hopefully it will be the first of many.
I do understand the sadness though, I think in your position I would also be feeling low and sad. If you were one of my friends here where I live I would invited you to come round and drink many cups of tea and talk about it over and over, that's what we sometimes do!

[cinnamon_roll]

It is really sad when you lose a therapist/counsellour who you've gotten attached to in some ways or others.

But as satsuma and ruhroh said: Maybe you can somehow hold on to this positive experience? And also, even if this doesn't seem to make a difference right now (endings are endings, right?): I think it's important how things end. This relationship doesn't end with a rupture but it can have an ending that might become a new beginning further down the road. Because you're carrying this positive experience within you, it might be happening again - with some other therapist or counsellour. If it happened once, it can happen again. Still, I know that this can be sad and distressing.

Is there some other counsellour who will take her position once she retires? If so: Would you consider to talk to her as well? Or does it seem too painful at the moment?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, it´s positive to have had this experience with her but at the same time it´s both a worry and a sadness as I know it´s very hard to find someone like her. As she doesn´t work within the public health care she has been able to do some more than just adhering to rules and regulations and that made the relationship stronger and more rewarding.

I appreciate what you say about having tea with me, I would have liked that and to be able to talk about what´s happening.

Originally Posted by satsuma

I'm also so sorry for the sadness of losing this counsellor, but I'm so glad that you were able to experience kindness with her, as ruh-roh said. I think having a positive connection and experience with someone, whether T or counsellor or friend or whoever, is always a positive and in some way healing experience in our lives, so I'm glad you had this one. Hopefully it will be the first of many.
I do understand the sadness though, I think in your position I would also be feeling low and sad. If you were one of my friends here where I live I would invited you to come round and drink many cups of tea and talk about it over and over, that's what we sometimes do!

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, at least it´ll be more positive than ending like I did with my former T who said she thinks I have an "a n a l and in need of a s h i t behavior" and several other things that were just hurtful and bad for me.

I asked this counselor for tips about someone else to talk to, a T or another counselor and I specifically asked for someone who´s 50 years of ago or above. Last time my counselor said she had found someone and it was a counselor in another church and when I looked her up it was someone at my own age. I got very very disappointed as I know I don´t trust someone that young with my problems and private issues.

My counselor didn´t say the name of this person but as it seems, the new counselor is the only one at that church and I just assume it must be her. But I hope perhaps the churches website isn´t updated or my counselor means someone else but this woman at my own age.

But it´s sad either way to lose this counselor and I feel like I´m going to be left on my own again, feeling just lonely and sad.

Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll

It is really sad when you lose a therapist/counsellour who you've gotten attached to in some ways or others.

But as satsuma and ruhroh said: Maybe you can somehow hold on to this positive experience? And also, even if this doesn't seem to make a difference right now (endings are endings, right?): I think it's important how things end. This relationship doesn't end with a rupture but it can have an ending that might become a new beginning further down the road. Because you're carrying this positive experience within you, it might be happening again - with some other therapist or counsellour. If it happened once, it can happen again. Still, I know that this can be sad and distressing.

Is there some other counsellour who will take her position once she retires? If so: Would you consider to talk to her as well? Or does it seem too painful at the moment?