[zoiecat]

Sorry this is so long and confusing. Does anyone else's therapist seem to get exasperated with them when doing cognitive reframing during CBT? I'm not trying to bash my therapist I know it's probably an issue that I'm having and I'm just trying to understand how to deal with it. I have some pretty twisted thoughts on how I deserved the abuse I received and I know he is trying to work on reframing these thoughts. Just for a little bit of background I used to be a teacher and I have Alters. At the beginning of yesterday's session I told him that I am in kid mentality most of the time and the only time I can think from an adult's perspective is when I'm in work mode. I told him this because I know he tried to get me to think from adults perspective when we are doing EMDR and I have difficulty doing that. So during the reframe CBT session I was telling him that the abuse I received was karma for some bad things I had done as a teenager. I could see in his face that he was getting fed up with me and he forced me into work mode by asking me what I I would have done as punishment for teenage students who did the same thing that I had done. I told him and he was happy with my answer because that was the logical thing to do. So because I told him what I would have done as a teacher in that situation that is the way he wants me to think but that's not the way I think even though I know that that's the correct form of punishment. So I said something about my not really feeling that way or whatever and he looked at me very sternly and said no I'm asking you because you're an educator. Again he was forcing me back into work mode. I felt really manipulated.
I don't know there's probably some transference there too which I've never experienced before either but I just felt that I told him about the work mode thing in confidence as a way to help with EMDR because I know in EMDR and he turned it around on me to get the answer he wanted during CBT. I also have huge honesty issues which he knows about so now I'm even more torn because he made me go into work mode and and say that yes this is what should be the punishment for the crime for the imaginary kids but in my head using my thinking mode for me personally, the punishment (abuse) that I received was deserved. The two are very conflicting which means I'm not being honest when I say one of them. I'm just so confused and I feel used and manipulated. Any ideas on how I can get myself to think differently?

[stopdog]

I don't know how to make CBT useful. It was the worst type of therapy I have ever attempted. Have you considered a different type of therapy?

[zoiecat]

I agree with you we don't do it a lot but he decided to stop doing EMDR for a little while well I work on getting to know my alters or something because I was dissociating so bad during EMDR one thing led to another yesterday and he decided he wanted to work on a reframe for that particular thing.

[feileacan]

I personally don't have much belief into CBT with these kinds of problems you describe. You just can't make yourself forcefully feeling differently as CBT therapists want you to do. Perhaps you are able satisfy him in this respect in the session but I doubt it would have any long term effects. Have you considered looking for different type of therapy?

[Out There]

I don't have much belief in CBT for these things either. I do EMDR and in my experience it was changing the underlying neural pathway that makes a difference , and I discussed it with both my T's ( the talk T too ). You could keep on and on with the logical / rational it's like this when the brain says no it's like this. I'm not sure about CBT with alters - I would be looking for a trained and skilled T to work with this. I'm sorry that you're feeling confused.

[kecanoe]

I also have alters. And I agree, that the adults know how to think about things, it's the littles that don't. And telling them how to think properly (reframe) just invites them into compliance mode. I have found CBT very helpful for the adults and not at all for the little parts and not helpful for integration/co-consciousness. Does your t ever use Somatic Experiencing or Brain Spotting? Those have been more helpful to me than EMDR/CBT/DBT for dissociative stuff.

[zoiecat]

Thank you keconoe. I am thinking of trying brain spotting with a different therapist. I have already talked to her about it. I was hoping it might be easier than EMDR with my dissociation. I'm glad to hear you had success with it.

[Elio]

I don't have alters; however, I do have distinct parts. CBT didn't/doesn't really work for me beyond being able to recognize the distorted cogitative thinking. So yea, I can label it... ?? Oh, I even got to being able to say the countering statements. I cannot seem to believe them, not really believe them. The root of whatever brought forth the feeling/thoughts is still there.

I am not sure if the inability of CBT to work is because of the parts or just something else entirely. Yesterday my wife said something about the complexity of my conflicted psyche - maybe that is where/why CBT does not work for me - too conflicted over my complex psyche (is that a nice way to say, I'm a little off my rocker? )

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

Thank you keconoe. I am thinking of trying brain spotting with a different therapist. I have already talked to her about it. I was hoping it might be easier than EMDR with my dissociation. I'm glad to hear you had success with it.

Brain spotting has been amazingly helpful. I like it because you can deal with one issue for one alter at a time. It feels contained and manageable. It allows me to deal with stuff that only one part remembers or stuff that different parts have different memories of. And all I have to do is remember the feeling, not the details of what happened. I have never been overwhelmed in the midst of the brain spotting. There have been only a couple of times that I have felt switchy/dissociated afterward.

For me, it has meant slow but steady progress. T3 says that EMDR or SE tend to address things more quickly and globally, but for me, the dissociation can impede progress. It also has helped with my dependent/avoidant issues. We haven't specifically gone after those, but they are better and so is the depression.

If you have a chance to try it, I highly recommend it.