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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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#1
I saw T after missing two weeks. When I talked about the parts needing stuff from her, she said it's not about her. It's about what they missed from my parents. She be kept saying it's not about anger towards her, but the parts are reacting to the past because she wasn't there in my past. I said the part is angry with her.
She said she is doing this out of love for me, that she wants me to get better, and I'm the only one there for me 24 hrs. a day. I heard her but inside I was dying. She said when I leave, don't send me an angry email. Try to go on with my life and leave therapy for the session. I asked if I can email a non angry email, and she said to write about the present, things in my life, not about her. I'm crying in my car! She held my hand at the end while she told me she is doing this for me. I didn't even get a chance to ask anything about her. What happened to our relationship? I know she's right but I can't just stop thinking about her so easily! What should I do? I told her maybe I should quit and she said I could, but it wouldn't be such a good idea, in her opinion. She says she is NOT rejecting me or my parts, and wanted me to understand that. She's trying to get me to be there for them, not her. She's been trying for 7 years. I know I decided I want to heal, and adult agrees it's not about her. I know it's about my life. But I feel terrible now. Hugs would be nice for those child parts. |
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1stepatatime, Anonymous37961, Anonymous48850, atisketatasket, Elio, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, Ms.Lizette, Out There, skysblue, SoConfused623, subtle lights, Unrigged64072835, zoiecat
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#2
Rainbow, I'm so sorry you are hurting. I do know how you are feeling & it 'feels' cruel & unfair. I know that you are feeling rejected & I know how much you must be hurting. The relationship is still there. It's just your T is doing the 'good parent' thing. She's supporting you & is kinda doing the 'tough love' thing. She is still there for you & go back next week & tell her just how hurt you are feeling. Something good WILL come out of this. It WILL make you stronger. Hang in there Hun.
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8
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#3
oh Rainbow, this sounds so hard and unnecessary. I can see why your t wants you to look after yourself, we all have to learn that however hard it may be. I am wondering about your t and her counter transference, I wonder how she is usually with clients who depend on her and need her, maybe she unconsciously pushes you away. I don't know if this makes sense to you but it's just what I think is happening. I can really understand how the child parts are upset and maybe a little heartbroken, truth is too painful sometimes
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1stepatatime, Elio, Ellahmae, LonesomeTonight, Out There, rainbow8, TrailRunner14
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
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#4
I know it's hard. But it's time for the child parts to grow up. You had 7 years! Most don't get that. You're going through growing pains. Like my T tells me: it's okay to cry. It's okay to miss whatever it is you're missing. Therapy is about growth and progress. If you stay stuck, your T isn't doing her job.
I'm going through a little bit of growing pains myself. Seeing my T only once every 4 weeks is so hard. I've been crying, missing her, having panic attacks. But she's still there. She's doing her job. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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atisketatasket, rainbow8
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rainbow8
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2017
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#5
*hugs to you*
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rainbow8
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2010
Location: in a cave
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#6
I'm sorry it is hurting for you so much right now. Not sure if this analogy is helpful?.But sometimes I think of it as being without a leg. I can feel really sad about it and benefit from leaning on someone to help me walk and comfort me. But real freedom comes from learning to use crutches. I know the leg is still missing and can still feel sad about it, but I can also use those crutches to be independent and free.
Big hugs to you. __________________ Soup |
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always_wondering, rainbow8, skysblue
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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15 9,983 hugs
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#7
I didn't email T until I got home from my trip. I wrote about my family and caught her up on things. I didn't even have time to talk about any of that today. I know it's my choice what to talk about, but she didn't even ask me anything about what I had written.
That's the hard part for me. I still treat her like a friend. I want to share everything going on in my life. I do have other friends but it could be because my mother was the only one interested in all the details. I feel sad that T is not really interested except when I tell her. She said in an email that I asked good questions and we would talk about then in the session, but the hour goes by too fast! She told me I'm an adult and my parts don't have to run the show anymore. If the child wants hugs, I can get them from other people, if I want to be held, I can get a massage or something like that, or actively seek out a partner. She gave me the blanket in the session again, to soothe me, but I was hot and it didn't help. She did hug me, as usual. She's doing her job, I know. But it's so, so painful for me. She's not leaving, she said. She's there. So why doesn't that make me feel any better? |
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LonesomeTonight, Nammu
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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#8
Quote:
Quote:
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Thank you. Quote:
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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#9
I hate this attachment problem!!!
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Anonymous37961, LonesomeTonight, skysblue
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always_wondering
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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#10
Today T had 4 candles lit. For 7 years there has been one or none. I asked why so many. She said because she likes candles. That makes me angry too! If she likes candles, why now! I think it's because there was someone new before me. A new client, I suppose. Anyway, I' m angry with T but the child parts love her. I don't know how she's going to help me heal. I'm curious.
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junkDNA
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Run of the Mill Snowflake
Member Since May 2015
Location: here and there
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#11
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atisketatasket
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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15 9,983 hugs
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#12
Every T I've seen has told me I missed something as an infant or child. It's from the past. It's early attachment stuff I have to heal from. I agree it's related to the loss of my mother too, but the way react has to be from very early ages.
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LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: US
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#13
Your child parts have been indulged for many years and I wonder if this has helped or hurt? I'm hoping that this T can help you move past the problems into a great place of healing but I also wonder if a fresh perspective might help. NOT to get rid of this T but maybe just check in with someone else.
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rainbow8
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
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#14
Me, too...struggling with it right now with MC and ready to try to find some way to break it...I asked via e-mail yesterday if we could spend a few sessions (H is OK with it) really focusing on the transference/attachment instead of just doing it piecemeal, in the hopes of really figuring it out and getting through it. He responded today that we can do that, but he couldn't say that we'd get through it in 3 sessions, that it might take more time than that. How the time between sessions processing is really important, too. But overall that it takes time.
So maybe you're trying to do too much too quickly? Maybe try not to push so much? Save
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rainbow8
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Comfy Sedation
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#15
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LonesomeTonight, lucozader, rainbow8
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2001
Location: SW Fla.
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#16
Quote:
__________________ "I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend You could cut ties with all the lies That you've been living in" |
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junkDNA
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rainbow8
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
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#17
Hi Rainbow, I'm so sorry that this seems to be the path needed to get you where you are hoping to go. It seems very painful. I admire your courage to try something different and to stick with it when everything inside is screaming to do something else.
Have you and your T done any work around finding out how to comfort the different parts and how to have the "I"/Adult listen/mediate between the needs of the different parts? Or are you trying to just will power or tough love them into silence? |
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BayBrony, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, rainbow8
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
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15 9,983 hugs
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#18
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feileacan
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
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#19
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enough. Quote:
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LonesomeTonight
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
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#20
Quote:
Can you run a circle with your tribe? Or is that part of the "it" you want from her? Have you practiced running her circle or her imaginary circle? The circles sound like what I was starting to do with things before T's vacation. And I'm sorry if I am asking things previously shared or tried. I started another thread because of this one and because of LT's stuff. It made me wonder how are we similar and different in what we've done with our child parts prior to therapy, what interventions were used, what worked, and what it looks like now for people. |
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