[MrsDuckL]

Hi everyone,

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my therapist having a family emergency and being out for an undetermined amount of time. I want to start by saying THANK YOU for all the kind, caring responses. I really appreciate it.

Its been almost two weeks since my therapist's front desk person called to say T has a family emergency and it would be "hard to say" when he would be back. I finally worked up the courage today to contact the office and inquire on the status of T returning. The response I received was "T is not feeling well and I'm not sure when he will be back. Thank you." I asked if this would be a short term or long term thing and if they have plans on resuming the office here--and received no response. T's website has been taken down since I received the first notification, linked in page is gone, and psychology today profile was changed to say not accepting new clients.

I understand things happen and I try to be a pretty reasonable person--but the lack of information (especially with no response to my last question) leaves me feeling just as devastated as when I first got the phone call with a family emergency. I'm also so angry to be abruptly abandoned like this. In the first call with the family emergency, the office person gave me referrals to other Ts, but I feel like the referrals were just picked at random or something--one doesn't take insurance, one only does medication management (I'm not on any meds) and the third only treats youths.

I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have great insurance that covers an unlimited number of visits with a large network of therapists--so finding a new one in theory isn't hard. But I just went to call a new therapist, and I burst into tears. I don't want to find a new therapist, I want my old one back. Most of all, I feel so stupid, like any progress or healing I was making was just lies.

Anyhow, Ive been reading through some of the other posts on here and I know I'm certainly not the only person to ever be dumped by a therapist. I had only been seeing this T for 5 sessions, but I don't trust easily, and I was FINALLY feeling like I was making a small amount of progress. This is my second experience with therapy, I tried once last year, but I left after the first session when that therapist thought talk therapy was a "waste of time" and wanted to jump immediately into EMDR. (Nothing against EMDR, just not something I'm comfortable with.)

Anyhow, I don't know exactly what kind of help I'm looking for here, just feeling hurt and finding it very difficult to even imagine trusting a T again. As always, thanks in advance for the support. It's really appreciated.

[Merecat]

I can hear how hurt you are and want to respect that. It sounds like you were hopeful this was someone you could work with for a period of time. You were 5 sessions in though, which is in many ways a really short time. In some cases the whole of someone's therapy would last for 5 sessions and it would be done without a huge amount of focus on ending.

It sounds like he's quite unwell and not practicing anywhere and I don't know that they could give you any more information without breaching his confidence. It's hard, but maybe finding a new therapist is the way forward for you?

[Pain94]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Can you reach out again and maybe say I need to know if I need to move on?

In any case I would seek help for the interim. I'm sorry, I'm glad though this didn't happen when you had seen him longer.

[skeksi]

The actions with the website being disabled, etc. certainly seem to point to a long-term absences. It's truly unfortunate the office is not being more direct. You should have been able to get referrals for other therapists. The T or staff have been able to amend the websites, so it doesn't seem unreasonable to expect more information.

I would say the writing is on the wall. You're right to be frustrated, but i think trying another T would be very worthwhile.

[guilloche]

(((MrsDuckL))) - Oh wow. I'm sorry, I can imagine how - even just 5 sessions in - this would feel devastating, confusing, and just sort of unbelievably crazy. I'm so sorry. *hugs*.

I know you don't want a different therapist, but could you think of them as a temporary support? I mean, logically it looks like your T might not be back for awhile, if at all, but that's a lot to take in and accept. I'm probably in the minority, but I wonder if it's easier, for now, to believe/hope that, even though this is being handled badly, maybe he'll return at some point. That means you don't have to deal with total loss right this second... you can deal with holding on and temporary loss (an easier thing) - which a temporary T is perfect for.

My thinking is - this gives you a chance to find, try out, and build a relationship with the new T (or not, if your old T re-materializes). At that point - you have a hopefully good, stable, supportive new T that can help you as you begin to look at the possibility that old T might not come back.

New T might also be useful in calling old T's office on your behalf for updates (I think sometimes the office may be more likely to share details with another T, and it helps you avoid having to try to figure out how often it's appropriate to call for updates).

Or maybe new T will have heard something through the grapevine about old T that they can share, that might help you understand?

I'm so sorry again. I've been dumped by Ts... and that was awful, I can't imagine having a T "disappear" like this. Even assuming there's a very reasonable explanation, it's still pretty crazy feeling!

Hang in there, and hopefully you can connect with another T who can provide you some support in the moment and let you talk about what you're feeling and going through... good luck!

[MrsDuckL]

Thanks so much everyone! I was brave and made an appointment with a new therapist today, meeting with this new T on Thursday. I realized my old T is probably not coming back, and quite frankly, I'm so irked at how unprofessionally this was handled, I don't know if I would want to come back. I still feel stupid for having trusted my former therapist, but this new T was super empathetic to my situation over the phone and really felt like he can help. Keeping my fingers crossed I don't strike out a third time!