[Sarmas]

I was thinking of being straightforward with my T and not beating around the bush. We have this issue where she gets frustrated with me "cycling" my behaviors and she feels like we don't move forward. Then she questions why I go to therapy. This is a bad approach for me. All I interpret is that she doesn't want to work with me and she's frustrated. I was thinking of just being straightforward and telling her that it's my choice to be there. That I take into consideration what she has to say and I try to implement some of it using my judgement but sometimes it's not easy to do. I'm going to say that I know I'm a challenge but that I'm there to make changes and that I'm sorry that I don't meet her expectations but it is what it is. I can only try but she gives up on me before I give up on myself then that's an issue. In the past I wouldn't even get this far and I would take a break and leave. So I was thinking of mentioning that and saying that I would've in the past take a break but instead I'm trying to work through my flaws. So she could either help me Which is going to be tough because of how deep I'm into things or give up on me and stay in the background. She can watch me screw up like she's doing now. I'm want to say that in a nicer way in order for her not to take it personally because she usually does. I'm not sure if this is the best approach or if I should just stay quiet and keep things to myself. I know the next session she's going to question why I'm in therapy if I'm going to continue my behaviors and not implement her recommendations. Then tell her that I'll make an attempt to implement her recommendations she ignores Me. Then that throws me in the other direction.

[DodgersMom]

i would say go for it, otherwise, what are you really getting out of it if she is not gonna be supportive and helpful?

[stopdog]

While I have never experienced the woman being helpful or supportive, I do believe in being direct with them. But I was always willing to walk away from the woman too. If she had gotten upset at me over criticizing her, it would not bother me other than to the extent of man I chose a real goofus sort of way.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that you should be straightforward. My T expressed what seemed like frustration with me earlier this week, that she didn't think I was making the progress she expected. Mainly because I'm still struggling with some things. Yet she seems to have forgotten all the progress I *have* made, which is hurtful to me. Earlier today, I sent her an e-mail expressing that I'm upset with her and why (though not sure how often she checks e-mail when she's off).

So I think you should go for it. It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle, and that's not helpful. By telling her, maybe you could break the cycle. If you don't say anything, then you're just stuck where you are with her. So try to be as honest as you can about how what she says affects you (I know it can be hard!)

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I agree that you should be straightforward. My T expressed what seemed like frustration with me earlier this week, that she didn't think I was making the progress she expected. Mainly because I'm still struggling with some things. Yet she seems to have forgotten all the progress I *have* made, which is hurtful to me. Earlier today, I sent her an e-mail expressing that I'm upset with her and why (though not sure how often she checks e-mail when she's off).

So I think you should go for it. It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle, and that's not helpful. By telling her, maybe you could break the cycle. If you don't say anything, then you're just stuck where you are with her. So try to be as honest as you can about how what she says affects you (I know it can be hard!)

Right. I see what you're saying. I feel like my issue is similar to yours. I've sat there many times as she would go on telling me how I'm cycling. Eventually I take a break because i get frustrated with her telling me the same thing over and over again. I figured I could try to break the cycle this way and see what happens.

[Daisy Dead Petals]

What you posted sounds like a healthy way to assert yourself. You should not have to spend your therapy taking care of your T's need to feel competent. If she doesn't respectfully listen to feedback and incorporate changes where possible, she's not worth keeping around.

[1stepatatime]

Yes, definitely let her know what you're feeling. We should feel safe enough that we can tell a therapist exactly what we are feeling. I sometimes feel s little intimidated by my therapist but if I'm paying her for this service and I have a concern I'm going to let her know..otherwise it feels like a waste, at least for me. I'm going through a bit of a tough time with my therapist and it is difficult to share my true feelings about her sometimes , especially if what I'm feeling isn't positive but I have to communicate with her.. otherwise I leave there regretting not saying what needed to be said. You can do it, let her know what you're feeling!!

[Out There]

I think I would be straightforward , I don't think a T should get frustrated about cycling though , like it's not difficult enough ? If there were too many issues with the T I might look around. But your using the word " flaws " got my attention. We aren't always flawed , it's what others have imposed on us that's often wrong and we struggle to process.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Out There

I think I would be straightforward , I don't think a T should get frustrated about cycling though , like it's not difficult enough ? If there were too many issues with the T I might look around. But your using the word " flaws " got my attention. We aren't always flawed , it's what others have imposed on us that's often wrong and we struggle to process.

You're right. Now that I think of it most of my sessions is structured anout what I'm doing wrong and not so much as what I'm doing right or the changes I've made . I'm the one that has to bring that out and remind her. Sometimes I think I'm informing her as if she's unaware. Lots of my session is about how I'm doing something wrong and it's not good for me or how I'm doing something wrong and it's not good for someone else. Then she points out how the session is about me. It really isn't. It's more about telling me how I'm doing everything wrong and how to make it right for others. I feel like I'm just one big flaw.

I thought that cycling was normal for clients as well. In fact I know about one particular case that she has who has an eating disorder that she sees twice a week. My T was my professor prior to her being my T and we studied this pts case. Anyway this or was in and out of inpatient numerous times and she continues to see her twice a week. She continued seeing her as such so that she wouldn't relapse. However She expects me to continue making progress. I'm not sure why it's ok for one client to cycle and her to be persistent and attentive and then a client like myself is expected to not "cycle". I just don't get it. I was thinking of bringing that up but she's very protective over this patient. I know that if I bring it up it will not go over well at all. I have to keep things generalized.

[Out There]

I was looking for the word my EMDR T uses which is " looping " - things loop into things and get a bit stuck , but he never gets frustrated and we work on the disturbances and where they're coming from and how more recent things will play into them , but we always process them more. Sessions shouldn't be about blaming you - we can look at our responses and reactions to something but it doesn't mean we're wrong or flawed.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Out There

I was looking for the word my EMDR T uses which is " looping " - things loop into things and get a bit stuck , but he never gets frustrated and we work on the disturbances and where they're coming from and how more recent things will play into them , but we always process them more. Sessions shouldn't be about blaming you - we can look at our responses and reactions to something but it doesn't mean we're wrong or flawed.

That's great that your t doesn't get frustrated. The way I figure it is that we are there for a reason. I know in my case I have lots from my childhood and rest of my life where things went very wrong. Then the addition of present issues it makes it difficult at times. My T wants to process and she has a general idea of my past but she doesn't dig at all but that's where it all stems from. Her point is change the attitude and the behavior will change. It's not that simple. She deals with everything at the surface. It's so much more than that. It's cumulative and to me it exists and this is how I react. That response to her is unacceptable.

I think she sees it like going to a car repair shop where you need an oil change or brakes and you just bring it in and get it done. She should know from her other clients that it's not realistic. I'm not sure why what's expected behavior in one client and she works with is then frustrating to her in another client. Unless its personalized. I don't know Maybe I'm wrong.

[Out There]

It does come from the past - the past is present so we have to process things from the past to help us in the present. I don't like standard CBT for doing that surface stuff - it's not enough , it needs depth and exploratory work.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Out There

It does come from the past - the past is present so we have to process things from the past to help us in the present. I don't like standard CBT for doing that surface stuff - it's not enough , it needs depth and exploratory work.

My T is suppose to be primarily psychodynamic. To my understanding she's suppose to get in depth and that's what I had understood. She only mentions my past as a generalized reference. I'm not sure what method she using. I figured she's winging it at this point. She will not get in depth about my past or the present. Everything is generalized in the surface. I guess it is more cbt. That's not for me. Cbt is more as a bandaid for me. If someone is not breaking it down and having me make sense of things and come into terms with it then I've done nothing with it. Exploratory work is the way to process things.

Sarmas, that sounds like a very difficult situation. I would be very straightforward with your t. Your progress is more important than your lack of progress ( I am not even sure you could call it that). It's judgemental and shaming. I have a few clients who I feel are not progressing as fast as I would like but this is my wish and my doubts, they notice progress, they are tracking and monitoring their progress quietly in the background. I wonder do you want to talk about this in your sessions or does your t generally bring it up because if she does it's her issue. We all go through these cycles, it's learning to tolerate them and the indifference sometimes can be where the work is for both t and client. It's hard work to accept ambiguity but therapy is full of it for client and t.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Sarmas, that sounds like a very difficult situation. I would be very straightforward with your t. Your progress is more important than your lack of progress ( I am not even sure you could call it that). It's judgemental and shaming. I have a few clients who I feel are not progressing as fast as I would like but this is my wish and my doubts, they notice progress, they are tracking and monitoring their progress quietly in the background. I wonder do you want to talk about this in your sessions or does your t generally bring it up because if she does it's her issue. We all go through these cycles, it's learning to tolerate them and the indifference sometimes can be where the work is for both t and client. It's hard work to accept ambiguity but therapy is full of it for client and t.

I was hiding my lack of progress because I already knew that she would be upset. I brought it to the table to let her know that I'm having issues and I'm only getting worse. I brought it in order to address it and have her help me with idea that we would go in depth and she would take me seriously. Instead she said that I cycle and when am I going to break this pattern. According to her it's totally upto me. I'm not even sure where to start. I figured she would help me in some way but then that's her doing the work. I'm not sure which part she does then or how she helps. I might be missing something here along the way. It seems like my conversation with her is in a circle. She then changed the subject to something totally different about how I should lead my life differently in order to make others happy. That part made no sense. She wants me to not be as active because one of my sons isn't as active and loves to play video games. She said for me to stay home for him to play video games. It just didn't make sense. I'm not sure how she switched from one thing to the other abruptly. I explained he does play but I don't see how productive it is for him to play for hours and hours. She said that it's not about him but about me. It still doesn't make sense but she wanted me to make theses changes. Meanwhile I have childhood abuse, abandonment, eating disorder, addiction,and trust issues....just to name a few. That we won't touch. I figured I needed to address it because it's getting old.