Hi, I wonder if I could get your take on my situation.

I meet with my T weekly but recently became ill and was hospitalized, so I had to cancel our appointment by text. Later I emailed him an update. He texted me back, and said he got my email and hopes I feel better and to let him know when I can meet again. He never responded to the email. And that was it.

It felt hurtful that he never asked if I was ok or if I was going to be alright. I'm confused about my sensitivity over his brevity. Confused how I can be so hurt over a short exchange of words. So hurt, that I don't want to go back.

How would you feel?

I could use someone to talk to right now.

[growlycat]

You could write him back and tell him that you are ambivalent about returning because you feel like he doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't realize how hurtful his lack of follow up is to you. I would be hurt too.

Last year I was in icu for six days after a severe asthma attack. My therapist was going to visit me but he caught a virus and did not want to endanger those in the hospital including me. I was still hurt. I know that isn't the same but I understand the feeling.

[InnerPeace111]

I would feel the same. No doubt about it.

[toomanycats]

I imagine that I would feel a pang of hurt as well; however, I can see from the outside looking in that there's no reason to be so upset as to not go back. He probably knows that if you were not going to be OK, you would have said that. Or, that it would be something you'd want to share in person -- not via text. Just because he didn't ask doesn't mean he doesn't care. It's something I would bring up if it's bugging you that much -- but don't run away. It's not rejection even though it feels like it is.

Thanks toomanycats. I'm not going to run away. That was my gut reaction for how to express my anger, but how I feel and what I do most always end up being two different things.

It seems like I'd be used to not mattering by now, but it somehow still manages to pierce my armour.

Your thoughts are sensible. Feeling like crap, but will have to somehow get on my feet again.

[stopdog]

Why assume it is not rejection or that he cares? I am not saying the therapist does or does not - but I don't get the assumptions. I would probably try out some new ones just to see how they were. If I went back to the first one, I would ask why he did not - I would not explore my feelings - I would just ask if there was a reason. This is the sort of places I see therapists messing with people - they don't explain the rules they set up and expect clients to submit.

[DodgersMom]

if it bothers you so much, just ask again when you go back.

i tend to over-react like this, to basically everyone. it gets me nowhere.... and i am always wrong.

i would be glad he at least texted you back

[Wonderfalls]

Your therapist has many patients presumably and most people by a certain age have been hospitalized for some illness or procedure. He answered your text and wished you well. I don't think it means he doesn't care because he didn't give you more specialized treatment. What is it you wanted him to say other than he hopes you get better? Of course it's going to seem much more serious to you because you're the one in the hospital, but as someone said you presumably indicated that you weren't dying.

Yes, it's not the same but hurt is hurt.

I would feel cared about if my T made plans to visit me and would view it as thoughtful of him to not want to infect others.

Originally Posted by growlycat

You could write him back and tell him that you are ambivalent about returning because you feel like he doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't realize how hurtful his lack of follow up is to you. I would be hurt too.

Last year I was in icu for six days after a severe asthma attack. My therapist was going to visit me but he caught a virus and did not want to endanger those in the hospital including me. I was still hurt. I know that isn't the same but I understand the feeling.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Why assume it is not rejection or that he cares? I am not saying the therapist does or does not - but I don't get the assumptions. I would probably try out some new ones just to see how they were. If I went back to the first one, I would ask why he did not - I would not explore my feelings - I would just ask if there was a reason. This is the sort of places I see therapists messing with people - they don't explain the rules they set up and expect clients to submit.

Thanks for thinking out of the box.

Originally Posted by Wonderfalls

Your therapist has many patients presumably and most people by a certain age have been hospitalized for some illness or procedure. He answered your text and wished you well. I don't think it means he doesn't care because he didn't give you more specialized treatment. What is it you wanted him to say other than he hopes you get better? Of course it's going to seem much more serious to you because you're the one in the hospital, but as someone said you presumably indicated that you weren't dying.

Thinking vs feeling are often two different perspectives for me (not that I purposely do ot that way). I don't think he didn't care, but it feels like I didn't matter.

I would want him to ask what most do-if I was going to be ok or what happened. So I was expecting a more average or standard response.

I don't think a person has to be dying to be on the receiving end of a certain level of concern or empathy. That's too black and white for me.

Stopdog, after thinking this through, your response makes the most sense. I didn't notice all the assumptions in the responses until I reread your reply. There were assumptions that I thought he didn't care, which wasn't something I said. Easy to do, I suppose.

I didn't make any assumptions of my own when I posted this because I didn't 'process' it yet...using this thread for that purpose.

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

if it bothers you so much, just ask again when you go back.

i tend to over-react like this, to basically everyone. it gets me nowhere.... and i am always wrong.

i would be glad he at least texted you back

I don't see feeling hurt as overreacting. It was a serious situation. I view being glad someone merely texts me back in tbis context as 'accepting crumbs' and would think it was inconsiderate and arrogant not to text someone back (what kind of person would ignore a text like that?). Totally different view but agree with you to bring it up when I go back.

I replied yesterday but it took a long time for responses to appear. Thank you for your replies.

After my initial reaction thinking about the responses here, and upon further refelection, it became more clear to me why I felt confused and upset.

He cares enough and went out of his way to make schedule changes and weekend appointments. At the same time, his texts were emotionless, disconnected.

One of my perpetrators was a sociopath, devoid of empathy, which caused me a great deal of pain (and terror). Others weren't sociopaths but lacked empathy and played mind games. People who are too distanced from their emotions (or don't express them per social conventions) can make me feel uncomfortable at times.*

Many times when trying to remember how I felt in the past, I told T I remember feeling confused. I don't feel hurt but am feeling usettled at this connection. It will pass.

*Yet I distance myself when people are overly emotional, as it seems they are trying to trick me or be deceptive.

The joys of therapy, uncovering past emotions and experiences. I'm so neurotic now.