[subtle lights]

I'm not too well lately, and I posted here a few days ago about my issues with my T, that I feel that I need something from him I can't get, mainly emotional support/ connection that doesn't feel fake, and feeling safe, supported.
I'm terrified of having to end it with him but I need to address my issues with him.

I have an appointment tomorrow but I'm so terrified, I feel frozen, I can't do anything, I can't eat, I wanted to prepare a list with what I want to discuss but I just can't do it.
Just sitting here with this huge fear and feel like crying

[Ms.Lizette]

Could it work to show him this exact post you posted here? I did this today...and it worked. I read for him a (slightly modified) post I had posted here about how I felt about our last session. Somehow it is easier and feels more free to formulate things here when we know our therapists are not listening....so maybe it could work to read him what you posted here?

When I read what you posted here I understand how bad you feel about it, I think he will do the same and that is a good place to start maybe.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

Could it work to show him this exact post you posted here? I did this today...and it worked. I read for him a (slightly modified) post I had posted here about how I felt about our last session. Somehow it is easier and feels more free to formulate things here when we know our therapists are not listening....so maybe it could work to read him what you posted here?

When I read what you posted here I understand how bad you feel about it, I think he will do the same and that is a good place to start maybe.

Thanks, this makes sense but for some reason it would freak me out to tell him that I posted about my therapy here. I don't know, can't explain, I'd feel ashamed, I know it sounds strange.

[subtle lights]

But I can maybe tell him what I wrote here without mentioning that I've posted it on a forum.

Still, so f***ing terrified

I want this to end, to be solved somehow, I can't do this anymore

[DodgersMom]

maybe it can be solved, just be honest, and face the fear. you got this

[Ms.Lizette]

Yes, there is no need to tell him that you posted here. I just read my therapist what I wrote but changed pronouns a bit so it would sound like I was writing to him and not about him, without telling him anything at all about any forum.

This is really affecting you a lot.... and it sounds like a very hard situation, I think it is good to get something important said tomorrow, and a straight forward letter is an option to get to the point faster.

I really think your original post doesn't get more clear: therapy is causing you pain and confusion and you need something he is not providing. I think reading what you wrote here will probably start the type of conversation you two need to have.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

maybe it can be solved, just be honest, and face the fear. you got this

Thanks but I don't know honestly, when I'm there I'm frozen, my mind doesn't work the way it does normally, I can't access my issues, I feel extremely overwhelmed and detached from myself 90% of the time.
I'm afraid of being open, I'm afraid he would judge me, or he would underestimate my issues or misunderstand me or just ignore stuff.
I am so sick of all this.

[Ms.Lizette]

Btw it does feel really weird/awkward to read personal stuff in therapy but in a way it is helpful. Especially when you didn't intend to write it to him in the first place= less censured by should's and shouldnt's..

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

Btw it does feel really weird/awkward to read personal stuff in therapy but in a way it is helpful. Specially when you didn't intend to write it to him in the first place= less censured by should's and shouldnt's..

I'm even afraid of this too, I mean I could tell him stuff but reading something scares me because I don't know what he would say to the idea and again, fear of judgement....aaargh

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I'm even afraid of this too, I mean I could tell him stuff but reading something scares me because I don't know what he would say to the idea and again, fear of judgement....aaargh

You have to test if the man can live up to your needs somehow..... If he is judgmental about hearing you feel bad and frustrated in therapy he is no good......therapists have to take this kind of thing.

I don't think he will judge you though.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

Thanks but I don't know honestly, when I'm there I'm frozen, my mind doesn't work the way it does normally, I can't access my issues, I feel extremely overwhelmed and detached from myself 90% of the time.
I'm afraid of being open, I'm afraid he would judge me, or he would underestimate my issues or misunderstand me or just ignore stuff.
I am so sick of all this.

i get this

i usually write stuff down and read as much as i can each time because i forget stuff as well....

it has been hard for me to tell him some things.... but it always ends up better than i fear. i hope somehow you find the courage and words anyway

[subtle lights]

I told him most of what I needed to say. Still, what has been missing, the emotional support is still missing. I still find him distant and cold but I'm afraid that's his personality.
He is trying, he really is and we clarified some things. He is saying that this is a process, of opening up, being able to trust and communicate etc...That it is part of therapy.
I just don't think this will solve my issue.

This is his style, like he is waiting for me to realise stuff, to change. I, on the other hand need some support, I mean a lot of it. And validation. And it will probably never come from him as I need it.

The whole session was about him trying to make me tell him exactly what I need from him and how should he do it. Well, it is impossible for me to say exactly, sometimes. It's too much. I found myself disconnected from myself often and was staring into space..

I don't know, maybe I'm too negative right now.
It's just that my hopes are dead and I am unfortunately not.

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I told him most of what I needed to say. Still, what has been missing, the emotional support is still missing. I still find him distant and cold but I'm afraid that's his personality.
He is trying, he really is and we clarified some things. He is saying that this is a process, of opening up, being able to trust and communicate etc...That it is part of therapy.
I just don't think this will solve my issue.

This is his style, like he is waiting for me to realise stuff, to change. I, on the other hand need some support, I mean a lot of it. And validation. And it will probably never come from him as I need it.

The whole session was about him trying to make me tell him exactly what I need from him and how should he do it. Well, it is impossible for me to say exactly, sometimes. It's too much. I found myself disconnected from myself often and was staring into space..

I don't know, maybe I'm too negative right now.
It's just that my hopes are dead and I am unfortunately not.

Sorry it is so hard with this right now At this point, do you feel better or worse by the idea of trying to find a new therapist? would it be possible to find a new one or is it not possible at all?

I wish your current therapist had another approach that you felt better with!
I think you did well! One cannot force oneself to feel things, it comes naturally with the right type of people and enough time.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizette

Sorry it is so hard with this right now At this point, do you feel better or worse by the idea of trying to find a new therapist? would it be possible to find a new one or is it not possible at all?

I wish your current therapist had another approach that you felt better with!
I think you did well! One cannot force oneself to feel things, it comes naturally with the right type of people and enough time.

Yes, thanks. I don't know, I cannot think clearly lately.
It would be very difficult to find a new T for me now. Also I feel attached to this one, it's like I want to squeeze whatever possible out of him. I know this is not healthy, possibly, because it hurts so much to be dissappointed all the time in the sessions. Like a part of me is dying every time.
On the other hand I do feel that there is progress in the therapy, after todays talk. At least I might let myself to get crazy there, to get angry and similar. As I am allowed to do whatever. Just that I couldn't until now...

What I'll never have is the level of emotional support and validation I need....
I will see what I'll do. Right now I have no idea.

Thanks for the support

Originally Posted by subtle lights

This is his style, like he is waiting for me to realise stuff, to change. I, on the other hand need some support, I mean a lot of it. And validation. And it will probably never come from him as I need it.

First of all, kudos to you for being able to express what you need to your T! That's hard for a lot of people.

I quoted the part of this post that intrigued me the most. Are you wanting T to say, "I think you're doing X because of Y. To fix that, do this..."

If so, I think you're going to continue to be disappointed. In Gestalt or other person-centered therapy, the role of the therapist is to facilitate growth that stems from the client. Now T should be supportive, caring, etc, but prescriptive?

Only once do I remember my T saying something like, "in the interest of time, I'm going to be prescriptive. Try to express your anger when you're at a 5 instead of an 11."

And that's a "no duh" prescription. But for the bigger things, like if I should continue a relationship with bio mom, how to deal with the CSA? All me. T has helped me realize my true feelings about my stuff, but rarely puts in his $0.02 about my situation.

So the question you'll need to ask yourself is if this T is right for you, or if you're going to be able to adjust your expectations of what you should be getting from T.

I'd give him a chance, but that's just me. You saying that T is "trying" makes me hopeful that he can help you.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

First of all, kudos to you for being able to express what you need to your T! That's hard for a lot of people.

I quoted the part of this post that intrigued me the most. Are you wanting T to say, "I think you're doing X because of Y. To fix that, do this..."

If so, I think you're going to continue to be disappointed. In Gestalt or other person-centered therapy, the role of the therapist is to facilitate growth that stems from the client. Now T should be supportive, caring, etc, but prescriptive?

Only once do I remember my T saying something like, "in the interest of time, I'm going to be prescriptive. Try to express your anger when you're at a 5 instead of an 11."

And that's a "no duh" prescription. But for the bigger things, like if I should continue a relationship with bio mom, how to deal with the CSA? All me. T has helped me realize my true feelings about my stuff, but rarely puts in his $0.02 about my situation.

So the question you'll need to ask yourself is if this T is right for you, or if you're going to be able to adjust your expectations of what you should be getting from T.

I'd give him a chance, but that's just me. You saying that T is "trying" makes me hopeful that he can help you.

Thanks. I don't want him to be prescriptive, but I'd feel better if I'd get more feedback. Not in the sense that "yo should do this", more like "I think you're doing X because Y", yes. I just feel lost.
Also, the supportive part is very important for me.
I feel he lets me run around in circles.

Welcome to person centered therapy. I get "feedback" from roboT almost never. He never once has told me why I do the things I do UNLESS I say it first and he agrees. I feel like I say the same 7 things every session at times.

And yet, I'm starting to feel better. I am less self critical. I'm setting boundaries. I'm ending toxic relationships.

Like I said, I'm not sure if this is what you need from your therapeutic relationship. If it's not, if you need more feedback, ask T for referrals.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

Welcome to person centered therapy. I get "feedback" from roboT almost never. He never once has told me why I do the things I do UNLESS I say it first and he agrees. I feel like I say the same 7 things every session at times.

And yet, I'm starting to feel better. I am less self critical. I'm setting boundaries. I'm ending toxic relationships.

Like I said, I'm not sure if this is what you need from your therapeutic relationship. If it's not, if you need more feedback, ask T for referrals.

Yes, this sounds familiar. I guess what I could do is go crazy there and test the limits as I'm allowed to manifest however I want. I am just having issues with expressing anger and other negative emotions....(clearly not here, but in therapy or with others face to face)

For now there are many reasons why is hard now to switch Ts....maybe to another Gestalt T as they abound here, but I'd rather not..