[Ms.Lizette]

Hi!!

I hope I am not repetitive, I kind of wrote about this sometime ago, but I am still trying to find out what to do and the situation is really making me feel horrible

My therapy is set to be 30 sessions, I have BPD and this is a BPD package. It is state financed so they have some limitations.

I really connect with my therapist in ways I haven't done with others before. I trust him and I normally never do that. I have struggled with psychological issues for 16 years and this is the first time I feel I am being treated with tools which make a difference in me. I also see some progress, like I am seeing things with completely new perspectives. I am all in all really happy with this therapy and therapist!!

Problem is, I have been there almost 2 months (around 8 times) and I can say there is no way I will be done with this therapist within the 30 sessions.

I can't even begin to explain the pain associated with terminating this therapy before I am feeling better. I have lost so many vital and important things too early in my life and it triggers a pain I simply cannot tolerate. A bit like when one is a child and imagined a parent will die and felt it was unbearable? That's how I feel when I imagine I will never see my therapist again in around 22 hours

My therapist said that if I am not "done" when the 30 sessions are over, he could apply for 30 more, OR send me to another part of the hospital which can offer more long term help (that would be with another therapist, obviously).

I don't know what to do.

I really would be destroyed if I keep connecting to this therapist and I have to lose him too early. This tells me maybe I should change to the other treatment already now, and stop with this current therapist, even though it IS helping me. That would be option 1.

The 2nd option is to continue with him, and hope he would get thumbs up* for 30 sessions more....or hope I maybe WILL feel better when these 30 sessions are over.

*It is really not him who decides if I get more sessions with him, this decision relies on the department psychiatrist. It is an economical question for them and a bit complicated.

Confused and really sad about this right now

I hope some of you smart people out there have some fresh input, I am just going around and around this in my head and can't figure out what to do

Thanks

[ScarletPimpernel]

If I were in your situation, I'd stick it out with this T even if it ends after 30 sessions. I'd rather spend what precious time I had with a good T, then give up that time for another T could might not be as good. I think back to all my relationships I cherished. They all ended and broke my heart (not necessarily on purpose). I would rather have that time with them and endure the pain of losing them, then to never had it at all or have it less. Take what you can from current T. Soak it all up. Hold onto it all. It will be worth it.

[DodgersMom]

Keep with it, I am similar, mine is allowed 32 but that is through the end of the year, is yours? He says he can/will add more so I don't worry about it now.

There is no way I'd risk trying to find someone else when you are happy, finding one you really like and click with is rare I think, so stick with it

[malika138]

I recommend having him apply for 30 more sessions. Years ago insurance only paid for 20 sessions a year and once a patient reached the limit, the provider needed to request more. It seems he is willing to do this (otherwise, why would he tell you about it). And in the meantime, focus on the good work with this T.

[Ididitmyway]

Don't quit. If something is working really well for you why stop it intentionally for the fear that when it does stop at some point it'd be unbearable to deal with? The thing is that it, probably, would be just as unbearable if you stop it yourself now. I understand that this is not in your or your therapist's control because there are limits to state funded therapy, but if there is a chance to prolong it, go for it! I just don't understand what you have to lose. The additional 30 sessions could bring more progress and positive experience that you need so much right now, and more is always better than less :-) even if the process does have to stop at some point. Take whatever is available to you while it's available.

[growlycat]

I agree with what others have said here. Keep going. Also tell your therapist your fears about bonds no then having to say goodbye. Insist that your t applies for those 30 more sessions.

[Nammu]

Is focusing on the possible termination at 30 session keeping you from doing any other work? Seems like it might be worth using a session to focus on this one issue or you might waste the rest of your time worrying about something that at this point can not be changed.
There's a serenity prayer;

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisedom to know the difference.

I hope that helps somewhat.

My experience with those that are BPD they want to always be in control but life doesn't work that way so they are constantly fustrated and emotional. The prayer is from AA but it helped someone I knew with BPD a lot. She was able to step back and ask, can I change this, if not why am I fixated on beating my head against the wall?

It sounds like the 30 sessions are not something you can control. You might get 30 more, you might not but at this point it's out of your control. So work on what is in your control. Getting a great counselor who you connect with and can help you in the here and now.

[unaluna]

"'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - famous quote

I would rather regret something i did, than regret something i didnt do.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

"'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - famous quote

I would rather regret something i did, than regret something i didnt do.

I was actually about to say the same thing - except I know who said it.

OP - have you ever wanted, really wanted, something, but were afraid to ask? It's better to ask - that way you will never wonder what the answer would have been. And it's easier to regret inaction than action.

Finish your sessions and see what happens. I don't see that you won't benefit from sessions with an effective counselor, even if they end.

And please tell me they don't actually call it the BPD package?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I was actually about to say the same thing - except I know who said it.

Oh yeah? Prove it! it used to be in my brain, but other stuff pushed it out.

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Don't quit. If something is working really well for you why stop it intentionally for the fear that when it does stop at some point it'd be unbearable to deal with? The thing is that it, probably, would be just as unbearable if you stop it yourself now.

Yes this is true. I am not ready to leave this therapy now at all. I really need it and I believe in it.
I just don't want to get more hurt than helped

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Is focusing on the possible termination at 30 session keeping you from doing any other work? Seems like it might be worth using a session to focus on this one issue or you might waste the rest of your time worrying about something that at this point can not be changed.
There's a serenity prayer;

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisedom to know the difference.

I hope that helps somewhat.

My experience with those that are BPD they want to always be in control but life doesn't work that way so they are constantly fustrated and emotional. The prayer is from AA but it helped someone I knew with BPD a lot. She was able to step back and ask, can I change this, if not why am I fixated on beating my head against the wall?

It sounds like the 30 sessions are not something you can control. You might get 30 more, you might not but at this point it's out of your control. So work on what is in your control. Getting a great counselor who you connect with and can help you in the here and now.

Yes, the fear is keeping me from opening up. I can feel how something stops me, I want to give it all but I am afraid that I will end up needing therapy even more when it is time to stop. It is something I can't control. Or, I can somehow recognize it, but already when the fear is there- too late.

I have to try to accept this, I know it. The prayer you suggested has helped me before, with other issues. I need to try it again.

Thanks

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

And please tell me they don't actually call it the BPD package?

yep. The BPD package

[BudFox]

I don't think expressing concern about getting attached to someone or something knowing it might vanish abruptly is indicative of a personality disorder. It's totally normal.

What's not normal is conducting a human relationship with a hard stop. It's bizarre. This is one problem with making human relationships and human emotions into a commodity.

Therapy that ends badly or prematurely is failed therapy. I'd say OP is justified in questioning it NOW, not later. Think about a session that ends with the client feeling badly exposed and dysregulated. Now multiply that by a thousand.

[growlycat]

I would personally have a hard time with a dead stop. The OP is perfectly right to question it. The limited sessions I'm sure are due to budget limitations and not based on true psychological needs. But if it is a choice between no treatment and treatment, well , I personally would opt for imperfect treatment.

[Wonderfalls]

So you have 22 more sessions to go. That would be almost a year for me and I would gladly take it. Everything ends; that's just the way it goes. Would you wish you hadn't had a mother because she will die eventually? Would you not get a dog because they have such a shorter life span then we do? Maybe yes, but then you're cutting out a whole lot of valuable and precious things from your own life. I have two more sessions left with my therapist after 15 years because he's retiring. He gave me a year's notice but I still feel terrible. But given the option to never have had him I don't even consider it a choice. Take the good things you can get while it's possible.