[RedSun]

Hi

It's ages and ages since I've been active on this forum.
I do miss it, and lots of the people on here. I still lurk occasionally (on Dear T and the couch ) to see who is around and how you all are...however, since I finished my T training I didn't feel it was really appropriate to stay.

So, I understand that you might not be interested, but I've popped back on for your help and advice. I do not know another online community like this for clients input and discussion!

As a client, I really struggled to talk about my own past issues (csa) but ultimately feel that it has freed me up from it, both in the hold it had over me, and the symptomatic fall out (anxiety, panic etc). I am grateful I had the opportunity to go through it in therapy.

This is a view which is very much promoted at my current organization. Share, tell, feel better. But, I sometimes counter this, that not all clients need to share their trauma history. Not all want to, and for some it is destabilizing and retraumatising. This has been disagreed with, and I'm really interested in bringing in other opinions from real life clients . It's even an area I'm thinking of researching in the future, because some practitioners seem so set one way or the other. Personally, I think it depends on the client...

So, if you would be happy to bear with me and share with me...
Did you share your trauma history in therapy? Did it help? (However you define 'help'). Or was it a negative experience? If you didn't share, did you want to? Or choose not to?

Thanks for any responses. And thanks for having me back (briefly).
I'm still a client btw. Therapy lifer right here

Red xx

[atisketatasket]

Welcome back!

If you're talking about a single traumatic event, no. If you're talking about a long-term trauma, I think so. For me, anyway.

E.g., I had a particularly ugly sa in my past. I talked to 3 about it in terms of telling the narrative. She's the only person who's heard the story. Therapists think now I should work on the emotions from it, but I feel no need to. It's enough for me that someone else knows somehow.

More ongoing trauma, like my marriages or my disability, I think I do need to talk about, mainly because I have to deal with the disability and how I relate to other people every day, and those both affect my daily life.

[Out There]

Nice to see you back Red , personally I like to have such a mixture of T's and trainee T's on here - I'd still be on here if I was a T.

On the topic I'm with you , it's really down to the client. I wouldn't feel at all comfortable with the view that's what should happen. And if you don't feel better , which may indeed be the case , does this mean you're a failure ? Good that a T who's been through therapy is saying this.

Hi Red,
I didn't disclose my csa and never planned on talking about that. It was a dirt secret that I felt should never be told or discussed. Ex t asked me on our first session, she suspected I had been abused and just asked. I found that after telling her about it she became too involved and was pushing me to report it. This was more traumatic than the original abuse, she would bring it up every session. I feel that at times it was helpful because I didn't realise how much it was affecting me in my current relationships. This was helpful but I would rather have been given the choice to bring it up, I felt like my t was constantly reminding me about it and making me feel guilty about not reporting it.
As a therapist I never push anything on a client, I wait and see when they are ready to talk about it, by pushing and forcing something it takes away their power and reinforces the belief of trauma that the world is not safe. I like to make sure they have enough resources to cope after disclosure, supports, coping mechanisms, to strike them away, the very things that protect someone is cruel and sadistic. I feel very strongly about letting the client go at their own pace. Best of luck with your research

[ruh roh]

RS--my therapist is of the mind that if I don't want to talk about it, if it's destabilizing, then it's not necessary to talk about. There is plenty else to manage without going into memories.

[elisewin]

Yes I did talk about it. At first it felt horrible and I was not sure it was for the best, but I could not leave it untold either. In a way I strive for authenticity in my relationship with my T and I want to give her all the essential pieces. To help her to help me. And for me, the more I tell, the less it holds me. So telling and retelling has definitely been right choice for me.

[Sarmas]

I gave a generalized idea to my T in the beginning of therapy. It was part of the intake. Since then we haven't gone in depth. I've wanted to but she said there was too much involved and we would be there forever going over it. I feel the need to address it in order to move on.
I feel like there's so much in present that stems from the past. She practices psychodynamic so my thoughts were that we work on my past in order to be able to lead a healthier future.

[growlycat]

One of my past ts said that trauma work is like a marathon. You have to be in good condition to do it but coping skills, a support network, good eating and sleeping hygiene and most of all trust in a worthwhile therapist are all needed first.

I have been in therapy for 3.5 years. I was initially referred from work as I was majorly triggered by a colleague who bullied me. I went along to therapy with no intention of talking about my past, after all, I'd moved on & was 'fine'. However, it became very clear to me that my anger, rage & defence mechanisms were no longer working for me. I eventually disclosed that I had been abused. I at that time could not even use the word 'sexual' I was re traumasized & had a flashback in the room. My whole body shook from head to toe & I eventually dissociated. I'd already been assessed & was waiting to have EMDR. That was the biggest help I had, in some ways, as that gave me the ability to be able to throw out pieces of my trauma, without getting flashbacks & I was able to start to talk about how the abuse made me feel. I am waiting to have more EMDR as it had been very successful for me. Although the EMDR is brilliant, I have found that when I am able to talk about what happened to me, it is so supportive to have that person that you have learnt to trust (somewhat) & have help to understand & process it. I've still got a way to go, but I still need to be able to talk about it. I know that my mindset is changing because I am talking about it. I think the EMDR is brilliant, but needs to be backed up with talking.

[stopdog]

I have tried to talk about it with 3 of those people. They have all ****ed it up/missed the point/been less than useful. So, for me, talking about it was not the problem. That the therapists were being idiots was the problem.

[Ididitmyway]

Based on my experience, both professional working with other people's trauma and personal working with my own in therapy and outside of therapy, I believe you are correct. Not everyone needs to talk about their experiences in order to heal the wounds they inflicted. Trauma operates in much more complex ways than traditional mainstream psychotherapy perceives it. There is a lot of research data that suggests that the current therapy methods are disconnected from the reality of how trauma operates in the human body. First off, there is no recognition of the fact that traumatic reactions are stored deeply in the body a.k.a on the physiological level and the traumatic mental states, as well as the behavioral manifestations, are merely symptoms of what is operating on the physical level within the brain circuits, sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. So, while talking about past experience in many cases helps to see the connection between the experiences and the current emotional and physical health, it is not, in an of itself, a "cure", just a starting point of reference.

This is a very HUGE subject to discuss. Books have been written about it, there is a lot of research data that needs to be taken into account, so it's certainly impossible to explain in any online discussion what comprehensive trauma treatment would entail.

In any case, you are correct. There is no general rule when it comes to healing trauma, and the best thing you can do for yourself as a client is to trust what your body says more than you would trust any therapist no matter how good. If you have a visceral reaction of resistance to telling and sharing it's your body wisdom talking to you. Listen to it. I didn't listen when I had to and I pushed myself too far into processing the material I wasn't ready to process. I wish I had trusted my feelings and instincts more than the "experts" who actually knew nothing.

I did finally talk about my trauma history with t. it was very, very helpfu.

[RedSun]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your input. It's really helpful to see the variety of responses. Seems that generally it is helpful to talk about trauma, with a T you trust, but not for everyone.
I think it's really interesting how different approaches and modalities affect what a client may be offered. In the UK, CBT generally looks at the current day symptoms, not underlying causes, and it can seem to cause a lot of frustration for clients...and shame in not being heard. And the opposite end of approaches, that one 'should' talk in depth about trauma, but the client (and the T!) are not ready or stable, or just don't want to...

I've done lots of reading and training around trauma, but the clients input is just not there. So thanks so much for your opinions, it's really helpful. And thanks for the welcomes, too!

Red xx

[Moment]

(1) Talking about it with the therapist I trusted was hugely helpful. But it was not just the talking about it. It was not like I talked about it and we were done. It was him helping me to look at the experience in new ways. This has taken a lot of time and is something we revisit again and again. A lot of the dynamics affect my current relationships and what happened really warped my sense of normal relationships and so it has taken a *lot* of work that is very related to my current day symptoms. I really do not understand how we could do the work of therapy if I did not talk about this.
(2) I had a marriage counselor who wanted me to talk about this and I did not trust her and would not do it. I felt like she was pushing and trying to control things. Many aspects of early abuse can "play out" in the therapeutic relationship and if the therapist is not aware of that and careful it can become a real mess. That therapeutic relationship ended very badly. If a person doesn't want to talk about it, I think the therapist has to be careful.
(3) I really think it depends on the trauma. So many things are traumatic. Losing a loved one who died of cancer, for example, would be very different than being attacked by a stranger on the street, which would be very different than being betrayed by a family member who sexually abused you and who is still around, wanting to visit you at Christmas.
(4) I don't think trauma explains everything. But, for example, in the case of sexual abuse, there is oftentimes a lot of stuff that is rattling around in a person's head that they got from their family, such as denial ("you're making a big deal out of nothing") and secrecy ("no one must know of this") and invalidating attitudes ("everything is fine here, it's just your feelings that are wrong!"). All of that can make a person not want to talk about their trauma in therapy. But if you try to deal with all the day-to-day stuff that comes up without dealing with all that garbage that's at the source of it...would it work? I don't know. I think for me, it might have led to a feeling like, "You are the problem that needs to be fixed," which would have probably enraged me.

So, really, I think a lot of it depends on the trauma and what type of trauma it was.