[sinking]

Hi,

since i was a swimming teacher, my T asked me to teach swimming to her kids this summer. with private lessons.

what do you think about it? should i say yes or no? i said i would have thought about it.

i already went to the pool with her this winter to give her some directions, but the subtle reason i went, was to show her the pool doesnt trigger me anymore.

theres no reason i would accept to teach her kids except that i dont like to say no. i dont feel like overloading myself, adding this to my already demanding job, but she would also pay me for it. which i wouldnt dislike as i wouldnt dislike much going back to that kind of job for a short time.

but i think this is not very professional and i'd like to hear what you think. would you do it?

[Elio]

Hmm, I guess it depends on how interwoven you and your T's life is and what type of community you live in. If there are many other options for her, I'd be inclined to say no because of boundary crossing; however, if there has been some mingling outside of the therapy world and you feel there won't be any issues in terms of your therapy and you are doing it because of something for you (getting paid when more money is needed or personal reward) then sure.

I do feel it has the potential to cause problems.

[jesswah]

If there are other options for her, I'd say no. Just way too much potential for things to not work out well.

I like my T, but I'm perfectly happy to no see her outside the office.

[Moment]

I would not do it. I think it's very unprofessional of your T to ask.

These kinds of dual relationships are generally a bad idea. For example, what if there is some kind of conflict that arises as a result of your being a teacher to her kids? What if that affects how you feel about each other and affects your therapy? Your therapy should be her priority--not finding her kids a swim teacher.

Also, you should not agree to something that you do not want to do. Practice saying, "No." Trust your gut instincts on this.

[Moment]

PS.
I don't understand why other people think it matters what "other options" she has for getting her kids swimming lessons. Therapists should not be looking at their clients and thinking of how they can use them to solve their own problems or for their own benefits! Who cares what other options her kids have to learn swimming? This should not be your concern, at all.

[healed84]

If you feel uncomfortable doing it then say no!

My t and I have a dual relationship and it's only worked because we have open communication about the whole thing. I drove t's kids home this school year every day, his wife asked me to do it. So when I said yes, the conversation was if I felt pressure to say yes because he is my t. I said no, because I have a relationship with his wife from our kid's school. It went just fine.

I think dual relationships can work, as long as you both are open.

[stopdog]

I would not do it. It, to me, would not matter what other options a therapist had.
In general, I do not have a problem if people want to exchange something other than cash with a therapist (the first one I see said she used to take pies from a baker who was not able to pay) but I think teaching a therapist's children anything added into the mix is a tricky situation to negotiate.

[feileacan]

For me it would be clear no and a reason to fire the therapist purely on the basis that she doesn't understand the potential adverse effects of such double relationship.

[DodgersMom]

no because it would make the therapist feel more like a friend to me... and that is a no no in the client/therapy world

i am struggling enough to not get attached lol

It's interesting your name is sinking and you are a swimming teacher I imagine that by engaging in this activity with your ts kids could have the potential to sink your therapeutic relationship. This is a dual relationship, I am worried about the potential for harm this has for you. I don't know about you but that would bring up lots of feelings of jealousy in me towards my t, I would be jealous of ts relationship with her kids. How would you feel about that? It is unethical of your t to ask but I think that you know that or your intuition sensed something wasn't right about it. It is a paid job and it's her job to keep everything ethical so the client doesn't get hurt, has she been good with boundaries before now?

[sinking]

Thank you all for answering.
i guess my main question here was whether or not it was professional of her to ask. im not afraid that teaching her kids would interfere with therapy except that i can easily see her talking about her kids in our sessions.
my problem with her is that lately i see her being unprofessional more and more and i dont know whether its happening just in my mind or if its real.... maybe i have too high standards.... ?

[sinking]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It's interesting your name is sinking and you are a swimming teacher I imagine that by engaging in this activity with your ts kids could have the potential to sink your therapeutic relationship.

i NEVER saw the connection between my nickname and being a swim teacher - monalisasmile, thank you, you made me smile....

I think the fact you're asking suggests you're uncomfortable with the idea.

But no, it is not professional of her to ask that. However, I think a lot of therapists tend to be "unprofessional" in certain ways anyway. For example, a therapist might accept hugs and gifts... and well... a lot of mental health professionals might consider that "unprofessional".

So I personally think that "professionals" are hard to come by these days. I guess it's up to you to determine how much you want to tolerate. If you don't feel comfortable, you can always talk to her about it or find another therapist.

[healed84]

If you are questioning it and you feel she is being unprofessional- then perhaps it's not the right thing for you to do.

T relationships are not cut and dry.. some think hugging is unprofessional, some think not.. same with dual relationships. You just have to do what you feel is right for you and your relationship with t.

[Mike_J]

Do you typically give private lessons? If so, at least to me, it's not as big of a deal as if you didn't typically give private lessons. If she is using her connection to you to ask for special treatment that would be unethical, at least in my opinion. But if she was looking for someone to give her kids private swimming lessons and that is something your do regularly then it falls into a bit of a grey area.

And remember it's not just the therapist that gets to set boundaries, you get to set them too. If it's not something you are comfortable doing then politely tell her that you are concerned that it could impact your therapeutic relationship with her and your not comfortable doing it.

[nottrustin]

I guess when it comes to whether it was appropriate to ask depends on you relationship with her. By code of conduct for therapists it should nor happen. T and I have had dual relationships which by the code of conduct would be drowned upon. We were able to separate the different relations separate. When outside of a session we talked to each other like any other person. We never discussed my issues or my mood or anything like that.

[Wonderfalls]

If you were really desperate for extra money and she knew it than maybe this could be an offer to help you out. Which is nice of her. Even so I think it crosses lines. You would get to know her kids better than you probably should and even--through them--get to know her outside the limits of your therapy. I would tell her, as nicely as possible, that you feel it crosses lines.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Moment

PS.
I don't understand why other people think it matters what "other options" she has for getting her kids swimming lessons. Therapists should not be looking at their clients and thinking of how they can use them to solve their own problems or for their own benefits! Who cares what other options her kids have to learn swimming? This should not be your concern, at all.

Agreed!!

Originally Posted by sinking

Thank you all for answering.
i guess my main question here was whether or not it was professional of her to ask. im not afraid that teaching her kids would interfere with therapy except that i can easily see her talking about her kids in our sessions.
my problem with her is that lately i see her being unprofessional more and more and i dont know whether its happening just in my mind or if its real.... maybe i have too high standards.... ?

Nope. I don't think it is professional in the first place to ask you if you could teach her kids swimming. Even if you were the ONLY swim teacher in town, it still wouldn't be right. I have a feeling you are not.

But, when you posted that you've noticed her becoming more un-professional, RUN. Red flags are flying everywhere.

[sinking]

yeah, i guess i dont want to mix things more than they already are. i have quitted teaching 5yrs ago and even though i earn very little not having a real job, i dont really need her money.
i think im going to tell her i wont do it. im also thinking of quitting therapy, so i wouldnt want to be linked to her because of her kids.
Thank you all for answering!

[Argonautomobile]

I would not do this. I don't think it's professional of your T to ask.