[Sarmas]

My sons T upset him during his last session and caused him to shutdown and dissociate. She was aware of the fact and made me aware but didn't tell me away. The next day my son was able to verbalize and made me aware that his T was calling him unfair and minimized his situation. My ex left him for 3 hours with his girlfriend of which he doesn't speak to. His father told him about it as he was exiting. His T called him unfair and took his fathers side. When he dissociated she then said that she doesn't have to be his therapist and that he didn't have to pick her. I made her aware of how he felt and she responded hours later with a "thanks for the update". He is now not scheduled and he's basically floating on her schedule. Prior to her maternity leave both of my boys were on weekly. Now my son is upset that she hasn't reached out to him knowing that he's upset and that he has to wait 2 weeks to address the matter. Should a T reach out to a client in this case at least for a few exchange of words? Should it especially matter since it concerns a 12 year old? He is now questioning if she did it on purpose to get rid of him. He is wondering if he still has her as a T or is she going to want to give him up to another T.

[growlycat]

Hi you had mentioned in another post that this t has yet to give them back a permanent spot on her schedule. He latest actions make me uneasy. She may be too overwhelmed to give your sons the support that they need and deserve. Can you shop around for another t for your family? Her words about you can find another t would upset me if I were a parent of a kid in therapy.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Hi you had mentioned in another post that this t has yet to give them back a permanent spot on her schedule. He latest actions make me uneasy. She may be too overwhelmed to give your sons the support that they need and deserve. Can you shop around for another t for your family? Her words about you can find another t would upset me if I were a parent of a kid in therapy.

That's what I thought as well. We were never notified when she was coming back from her maternity leave. The substitute T went scheduled and appointment with both of my sons but sub T did know when she was coming back. A few days later I get a text from maternity T stating that the boys will continue with substitute T per my sons decision. My youngest said that he never made a choice and was unaware of her coming back and my oldest said that substitute T never spoke to him about maternity T and scheduling. i found it odd that she would even bring up that he didn't have to choose her. He explained himself and said he did. She said to him then why would you schedule with her and he said that she didn't say that maternity T was coming back. He still remains upset but he doesn't want another therapist and he's telling me that she speaks very negative of me to him. She also accused him of "playing" me against his father. Prior to this issue I reassured her that all I care about is my sons safety and happiness. I added that I'm here to support and defend him.

[stopdog]

Do you want your kid to see a therapist to whom you have to defend him? I would not expect a therapist to call and check.

It may be time to sit down with your children's therapist and get a concrete plan for if and when they will be back on a regular schedule. If the therapist is unable to do so, then it is time to find a different therapist. You need to take the initiative here as the parent who is paying for a service. Rather than get caught up in whether the therapist "should" be calling, etc., you really just need to make it clear what your expectations are for services and find out if she is willing and able to provide those services. If not, find a different therapist for them. Don't drag this out waiting to see if she is going to get the situation fixed. Either she will commit to doing so or she will not.

[feileacan]

I think you should confront the T regarding all these confusing matters. I'm wondering why you haven't already asked her about the weekly slots for your sons? I agree with Lola that you should take the initiative and request the service your sons need and not accept any bs..ing. In the end, the T is no responsible for your sons, you are!

The therapist is bad mouthing the mother of his client? What did you do to your son? This therapist sounds like a child. They should have called your son immediately and never let him stew. There are more bad therapists then you think.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

That's what I thought as well. We were never notified when she was coming back from her maternity leave. The substitute T went scheduled and appointment with both of my sons but sub T did know when she was coming back. A few days later I get a text from maternity T stating that the boys will continue with substitute T per my sons decision. My youngest said that he never made a choice and was unaware of her coming back and my oldest said that substitute T never spoke to him about maternity T and scheduling. i found it odd that she would even bring up that he didn't have to choose her. He explained himself and said he did. She said to him then why would you schedule with her and he said that she didn't say that maternity T was coming back. He still remains upset but he doesn't want another therapist and he's telling me that she speaks very negative of me to him. She also accused him of "playing" me against his father. Prior to this issue I reassured her that all I care about is my sons safety and happiness. I added that I'm here to support and defend him.

This t isn't providing emotional safety for the kids. She can't even offer them the basic needs of structure and consistency. And she's speaking very negatively of you, their mother? He11 no. Does this set up lead to happiness? You've had trouble with this t in the past and it sounds like this new mother is drowning in overwhelm. Maybe effective therapy with this t has simply run its course.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by feileacan

I think you should confront the T regarding all these confusing matters. I'm wondering why you haven't already asked her about the weekly slots for your sons? I agree with Lola that you should take the initiative and request the service your sons need and not accept any bs..ing. In the end, the T is no responsible for your sons, you are!

I guess I was hoping that she would settle back in and "fix" things. I was hoping she would do it on her and I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. The first week I understood in a way. Then when I saw that she didn't know where to put them I started to wonder. Now this is their second time missing out again and during a bad time. I did speak to my T who's her best friend and I told her how I felt and what happened. I didn't get much of a response. My kids T knows that he's upset and texted back "thanks for the info".

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by RaisingKay

The therapist is bad mouthing the mother of his client? What did you do to your son? This therapist sounds like a child. They should have called your son immediately and never let him stew. There are more bad therapists then you think.

According to my son whenever my son speaks well about me she will say that she doubts whatever he says. My son has issues with his father and so the common thing for her to do is to give him as much credit as she can from where her she can grab it and then put me down. She went as far as telling me not to cook My son breakfast because I'm spoiling him. That was because his father wasn't making him breakfast on his weekends. So she said that if I didn't make him breakfast then it wouldn't see so odd at his fathers house. I said to her what craziness is that. I told her that I wouldn't do so and she got upset because I'm working against her. This has been the common denominator. There has been times where she seems like she is there for them but I'm not sure where we are at now.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

According to my son whenever my son speaks well about me she will say that she doubts whatever he says. My son has issues with his father and so the common thing for her to do is to give him as much credit as she can from where her she can grab it and then put me down. She went as far as telling me not to cook My son breakfast because I'm spoiling him. That was because his father wasn't making him breakfast on his weekends. So she said that if I didn't make him breakfast then it wouldn't see so odd at his fathers house. I said to her what craziness is that. I told her that I wouldn't do so and she got upset because I'm working against her. This has been the common denominator. There has been times where she seems like she is there for them but I'm not sure where we are at now.

I'm kind of wondering if the problem this woman has is not scheduling issues or flakiness or insensitivity, but whether she's taken against you for some reason and that's polluting not only her therapeutic relationship with you but with your sons?

If you think there might be any truth to that, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I'm kind of wondering if the problem this woman has is not scheduling issues or flakiness or insensitivity, but whether she's taken against you for some reason and that's polluting not only her therapeutic relationship with you but with your sons?

If you think there might be any truth to that, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

It's funny that you say that. That was in the back of my head. We started off great and then we hit a few bumps on the road where she said that the boys wasn't trusting her because of me. She said that I was manipulating them in some way. I told her how it wasn't true. Then she accused me of manipulating words or thoughts with their father which I said it wasn't true. Let me go back for a second. Before them seeing her they had another T for about 3 years who all of a sudden turned on me. He yelled at me for not doing as he suggested. He wanted me to force the boys to go to their fathers house when they didn't want to. I told him that I wouldn't force them to do anything. What used to be anorak session became an interrogation for both of them and they felt uneasy. I had to drag them to therapy. That's when we switched to her which is their current T. Well she asked them if she can get information from him and my boys said no because they felt like he was against them. However both of those Ts are very close and know each other well. The boys said that many things she brought up was similar to their old T in the way it was even worded. I thought everything was said and done by now until my son said that she always makes negative remarks about me.