[iheartjacques]

Looking for some hope here. Hope that I'll survive.
Those of you that really depended on your T for a few years, what happened in the last session and how did you handle it?
I'm scared to ask for a hug in case he'll say no. I can't imagine saying goodbye to someone who knows me so well, and not see them again.
How long did the grief last?

I haven't had my last session yet - but I just wanted to wish you well and that peace will come to you.

[iheartjacques]

The closer it gets, the more I cry.

Or just feel sad and not motivated. I'm only just getting stuff done but it takes so much effort. I haven't felt this much pain for years.

[feileacan]

I've had one termination with a wonderful therapist. I saw him a bit less then a year but twice weekly. Our last session was in last June and it happened because I was living in that place only temporarily and then I moved back to my home country.

Anyway, our final session - I guess I was a bit detached, couldn't really comprehend that this is it. I knew I will be very sad about our ending many months before and I think we sort of prepared for it for last few months.

My T was clearly sad too. I had drawn him a picture with a letter on the other side where I wrote how grateful I am to him for everything. I was very touched. I think I looked at him a lot, trying to memorise how he looks like. Then he asked how would I like to part ways, that perhaps I would want a handshake (he otherwise offered no physical contact). I agreed and so when the time was up we shook hands and his final words to me were to take care of myself.

I wasn't too sad initially because I very much wanted to go home. The sadness truly hit me about a month later when I met again with my old T who had been waiting for me to come back. I was really-really sad for couple of months and couldn't comprehend the loss. I thought that I have to mourn but it sort of didn't make sense because he wasn't dead. Finally, when I decided that I will not mourn because he is still there somewhere and that he remembers me then it started to go better.

I still sometimes miss him but it doesn't hurt too much. I remember how he looked like and how he talked. Also, we agreed that I can email him about once a year and he will respond. I know that he doesn't forget me and I will never forget him.

[bounceback]

I moved in October of 2015 to a different state. The last session was difficult but I had time to process it the weeks earlier. It helped knowing that I could email her and she would respond as long as it wasn't therapy. I cried of course and handed her a gift and a card thanking her before I walked out the door. We hugged but that was nothing new because we always did. The grief wasn't too intense actually this time. I have had several therapists whom I got attached to that were extremely difficult to say goodbye to. A couple were especially difficult because I wasn't as far a long in therapy as I was this last time and hadn't experienced many losses. After losing my mom and dad, my uncle, my cat losing a therapist plus having had worked through many issues wasn't that bad anymore. Give it time. It is a process like all losses. Be good to yourself. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Leave nothing unsaid. Bring a gift and ask for that hug. Life is too short. The worst thing they can say is no right.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Last May I had to say goodbye and end with my in person therapist that meant a lot to me and I had been seeing her off and on (mostly on) for 12 years. It was extremely hard to say goodbye. She got another job and I had 2 months to wrap things up and try to process it. It was very hard. I cried a lot leading up to our final session. At our final session it was one of the best we ever had. We wrote each other a letter about our reflections of our work together, exchanged gifts and I asked her some questions and we talked about our work together. We both had tears in our eyes and I will never forget that last hug. It hurt for a long time and even now I still miss her but the pain does get better. I carry her and everything she taught me in my heart. I did record my sessions and especially the final one and its comforting to listen to and hear her voice.

Leave nothing left unsaid. If you want a hug, ask them. Seek support if you need it. Everything you are feeling is ok and please know that the pain does get better. It is a very hard thing to loose someone who means so much but the grief does get better. I wish you luck and I hope your final session is great.

[catnip123]

My last T quit and moved out of state. At the end of the last session she asked me how I'd like it to end - hug, handshake or nothing. I opted for the hug. Then we said goodbye and I left.

My first T terminated with me because she went to work at another office much further from my house. She said she would set up a termination session with me so that we could close things up.

Well, turned out she double booked my termination session, so I didn't even get to say good-bye. And she didn't even offer to reschedule. That was like a knife to the heart.

So I guess my "last session" was the session where we set up the termination session. So much for "last session"...

I felt so bad because there were some things I really wanted to say to her that I had never said before. All I wanted was for her to assure me everything was going to be okay. Nope. Didn't even get that. I was left with all these regrets that bothered me for months.

So take it from me: You do NOT want to leave with regrets. It's a horrible feeling. Don't hold back. Say what you need to say and don't leave without saying them. And if you really want a hug, then definitely ask for it! -- unless you strongly think he'll say no and that it'll crush your heart. But at the same time, you may leave regretting you never asked for the hug. So I leave that decision up to you.

Anyway, I grieved for a while. She never even helped me find a new therapist within the same practice either, and there are AT LEAST 30 therapists here. (It's a massive office.) So I was like, "wow, you're a real thoughtless piece of sh_t." No termination session, no offer to reschedule termination session, ignoring my phone calls, and didn't even help me transition to a new therapist. Just... what the f_ck! Oh yeah, here's the real kicker: on the last session I had with her, she told me one of my diagnoses were b_llshit. "You can't be depressed if you don't know what it is."

Vile, abusive woman.

If I had a new therapist lined up, then maybe things would have been okay. but nope. I suffered. And the more I was left to my own thoughts, the more I was upset. Having another therapist ready for you DEFINITELY HELPS.

So from my worst possible scenario experience, I hope that helps

[bounceback]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My first T terminated with me because she went to work at another office much further from my house. She said she would set up a termination session with me so that we could close things up.

Well, turned out she double booked my termination session, so I didn't even get to say good-bye. And she didn't even offer to reschedule. That was like a knife to the heart.

So I guess my "last session" was the session where we set up the termination session. So much for "last session"...

I felt so bad because there were some things I really wanted to say to her that I had never said before. All I wanted was for her to assure me everything was going to be okay. Nope. Didn't even get that. I was left with all these regrets that bothered me for months.


So take it from me: You do NOT want to leave with regrets. It's a horrible feeling. Don't hold back. Say what you need to say and don't leave without saying them. And if you really want a hug, then definitely ask for it! -- unless you strongly think he'll say no and that it'll crush your heart. But at the same time, you may leave regretting you never asked for the hug. So I leave that decision up to you.

Anyway, I grieved for a while. She never even helped me find a new therapist within the same practice either, and there are AT LEAST 30 therapists here. (It's a massive office.) So I was like, "wow, you're a real thoughtless piece of sh_t." No termination session, no offer to reschedule termination session, ignoring my phone calls, and didn't even help me transition to a new therapist. Just... what the f_ck! Oh yeah, here's the real kicker: on the last session I had with her, she told me one of my diagnoses were b_llshit. "You can't be depressed if you don't know what it is."

Vile, abusive woman.

If I had a new therapist lined up, then maybe things would have been okay. but nope. I suffered. And the more I was left to my own thoughts, the more I was upset. Having another therapist ready for you DEFINITELY HELPS.

So from my worst possible scenario experience, I hope that helps

I am so sorry you never got to say goodbye and had to leave things unsaid. Sometimes I think people forget that other people have feelings and sometimes lack compassion.

I had one therapist who gave me a 3 week notice which I never got to say what I wanted to her after seeing her for 5 years. I thought that sucked. It was even worse what happened to you. Again I am so sorry.

[iheartjacques]

So sorry to hear of your experiences.
Yes, last great T in 2007 said she would continue tact me when she was available again. Never did. Took a while to get over that.
Then i bumped into her 18 months ago in the shops. That was awkward. She was all smiles and I was remembering how I felt and how
Much had happened since then that I never got to talk to her about. Like my mum dying. And a new unexpected baby. And marrying my ex and then leaving him again.

I've emailed the practice to ask For my referral to be ready so I can chase up an appointment. BEFORE he leaves.

I'm so tempted to never go back. I've finally stopped crying. Again.

[annielovesbacon]

Last May I terminated with my therapist who I loved. I won't lie to you, it hurt, I was sad for a long time and really missed her. For awhile I would write letters to her (but not send them) and that helped get my feelings out about missing her. I started with my new T a few months later and it was hard for the first couple months, because I missed my old T and I wasn't comfortable with my new T. But then it got better and now I look back fondly at my time with my old T but don't miss her anymore.
Like any type of loss, it will hurt, and it will suck. But the feelings won't last forever, I promise it will get better. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[iheartjacques]

Update.
I saw him last week. I said "how dare you leave?" with a half laugh and a sob while crying my eyes out.
He said, 'good, great, I'm glad you said that! Get your feelings out!'
He thinks if I said I was fine and no problem, that would've been unhealthy. But feeling abandoned etc, he said that was a normal, and healthy reaction, even some anger.
I said he was my rock for the last 3 years. Everything else around me changed, except him. And now that's being taken away.
I said I was trying to be happy for him and his career, etc., I'm just being a bit selfish and I want him to stay there. He said entirely normal reaction.
I said don't worry I'm not in love with you or anything, I"m just going to miss you a lot. He said oh no, yes of course, yes.
Got a new appointment for tomorrow with the new shrink. Older guy that specialises in kids. I want to cancel. I want a break from me and my thoughts and to get on with my life in the present.

[iheartjacques]

Met the potential T. He was okay. But no connection. I don't want him. I only want T but he's gone all of April. I feel like what's there left to say in the 3 sessions left with him? Potential T said it was worth having that time to say goodbye and to feel sad and say anything I wanted to say.
stuff has happened though. Big stuff and I feel like I can't talk to him anymore. I don't have any other safe place. So I feel broken

[iheartjacques]

My issues is that being in therapy through last three years kept me out of the vicious circle of my depression once or twice a year every year. And maybe I'm scared

[DodgersMom]

just seeing this older thread. wow, its sad.

this is why i hope i don't get attached because i don't know how i can handle the end at all. it already depresses me to think it will end and i wont have this extra support in my life...

if i get attached though.... i think i would just never go to the last one. i'd never make it.

* OP, did you ever stick with the newer one? *

[Donutworryrelax]

Oh man, I really feel for you. Termination is absolutely the hardest part of therapy, especially if you've been with your therapist for a long time, and/ore feel super attached to them.

I had to terminate with a therapist a few months ago, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. What I did to prepare for this session was I wrote my therapist a letter explain how much she had helped me, and how much she meant to me. I also drew a picture as a gift. It's pretty common for clients to give therapists gives during termination, although it isn't necessary at all.

During the termination session, you basically have the chance to review your experiences and improvements that you've had in therapy. You can definitely discuss your attachment to your therapist, and explain how hard termination will be for you. It might even be good for your therapist to hear this. Basically, termination is an opportunity for you and your therapist to get some closure, and tie up any loose ends. It's basically a long good-bye.

I don't think that it will be weird to ask for a hug; most therapists will understand that a hug, especially during a termination session, can be very meaningful and important to a client.

I completely understand how hard termination will be for you, and I wholeheartedly wish you the best.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Donutworryrelax

Oh man, I really feel for you. Termination is absolutely the hardest part of therapy, especially if you've been with your therapist for a long time, and/ore feel super attached to them.

I had to terminate with a therapist a few months ago, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. What I did to prepare for this session was I wrote my therapist a letter explain how much she had helped me, and how much she meant to me. I also drew a picture as a gift. It's pretty common for clients to give therapists gives during termination, although it isn't necessary at all.

During the termination session, you basically have the chance to review your experiences and improvements that you've had in therapy. You can definitely discuss your attachment to your therapist, and explain how hard termination will be for you. It might even be good for your therapist to hear this. Basically, termination is an opportunity for you and your therapist to get some closure, and tie up any loose ends. It's basically a long good-bye.

I don't think that it will be weird to ask for a hug; most therapists will understand that a hug, especially during a termination session, can be very meaningful and important to a client.

I completely understand how hard termination will be for you, and I wholeheartedly wish you the best.

I feel like I should cut and run now before I am there too long and get attached, I am more scared by this every time I read about termination. AHHH

That being said, so how did you feel AFTER? Did you feel like it was a good time to do it and that it went well? Are you in therapy with someone else now or do you think at some point you will be?

[laxer12]

I dreaded my last session for a whole year before it happened. I was in grad school and knew I would be moving after. My T and I talked about it pretty often the last couple months but the last two weeks were incredibly painful and difficult. I wrote her multiple emails expressing how I felt in an attempt to put it all out there.

We had arranged to do phone sessions for a few weeks after I moved which helped a lot but it of course wasn't the same. I actually found a new T the day before I moved because I was struggling so much and knew I needed support. That new T really helped but my attachment essentially transferred over to her. It still took awhile to move on after the first T but now that I'm coming up on one year since moving, it is a lot better. I still think about her sometimes but I am content with where I'm at with it. I might even reach out soon just to say hi.

I really wish I had some great advice on how to cope but unfortunately, I don't. It was very painful and I totally feel for you. But I can tell you that it does get easier, even if it feels like it never will. It sucks so much but you will make it through.

[SarahJackson]

I am sorry you feel this way I am having my last session in few weeks so I don't know what to tell you but I am going through the feelings of loss already. Maybe try writing a letter or something as a goodbye I feel that would make you feel better (I am going to do this) also express how you feel about ending and I am sure they will be supportive. Ask for a hug if you are unsure how they would feel about it but If you are 100% sure that they will say no it is better not to go through he pain of rejection.
I wish you all the best

[Augray]

Hi OP,

I hope you are doing ok. I just had my last session with my T of 5 years last week. I miss her so much. I knew it would hurt, just not this much. I don't have many friends, I'm not exactly someone many people enjoy being around. She was my rock in this way and more, and I feel so heartbroken over her leaving. I pray that I was able to communicate how truly and deeply thankful I will always be for her presence in my life, and that it helped more than hurt her ability to handle the loss of all the patients she has given so much to. Take care Holly, you will always be in my heart.

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by Augray

Hi OP,

I hope you are doing ok. I just had my last session with my T of 5 years last week. I miss her so much. I knew it would hurt, just not this much. I don't have many friends, I'm not exactly someone many people enjoy being around. She was my rock in this way and more, and I feel so heartbroken over her leaving. I pray that I was able to communicate how truly and deeply thankful I will always be for her presence in my life, and that it helped more than hurt her ability to handle the loss of all the patients she has given so much to. Take care Holly, you will always be in my heart.

Thank you.
My last session is next week. It feels surreal. I haven't cried for a while now. I actually started to feel better and be able to focus on things in the now rather than having him or his questions or past issues in my head all the time.
He said I looked a bit happier.
And no, I won't go back to the other T. My GP referred me to another male psychiatrist. I googled him and thought, nope.
So T said he would give me a list of female psychiatrists for me to try in six months' time.
He said that the more he thought about it, the more he agreed with me wanting a break from therapy. Wanting to be me, live my life for now, and be in the now.
He said it would be a good way to "test drive" the new L(my name) and put into practice all the things I've learned in the last three years.
He asked how many sessions left. I said one more. He said okay, he would give me a list, and then recap our time together. I felt a bit teary and wobbly at the end. I know I will cry when the time comes.
But I know something now. I can live without him. As hard as it is to believe, after having a lovely (although at times he drove nuts) man in my head all the time, it is possible to survive. But I think I'll always miss him. Like how we still miss past loved ones. I just hope I haven't been his most frustrating patient.

[Augray]

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

Thank you.
My last session is next week. It feels surreal. I haven't cried for a while now. I actually started to feel better and be able to focus on things in the now rather than having him or his questions or past issues in my head all the time.
He said I looked a bit happier.
And no, I won't go back to the other T. My GP referred me to another male psychiatrist. I googled him and thought, nope.
So T said he would give me a list of female psychiatrists for me to try in six months' time.
He said that the more he thought about it, the more he agreed with me wanting a break from therapy. Wanting to be me, live my life for now, and be in the now.
He said it would be a good way to "test drive" the new L(my name) and put into practice all the things I've learned in the last three years.
He asked how many sessions left. I said one more. He said okay, he would give me a list, and then recap our time together. I felt a bit teary and wobbly at the end. I know I will cry when the time comes.
But I know something now. I can live without him. As hard as it is to believe, after having a lovely (although at times he drove nuts) man in my head all the time, it is possible to survive. But I think I'll always miss him. Like how we still miss past loved ones. I just hope I haven't been his most frustrating patient.

How are you doing? I emailed my T a couple of weeks ago, and that helped me a bit, at least for the here and now. Just knowing she was still out there...it took some of the edge off of that sense of loss. Even though I knew she was still out there, it was comforting. I hope you are doing well and are managing the grief that comes with it. Take care.

[growlycat]

I hope you are doing ok. This is the hardest part of therapy for me. Saying goodbye. My long term t and i leave the door open. I am halfway across the country from him so we do not do regular therapy anymore. But about once a year I go back to my home state and I'm going in July. I have an appointment with him and I am nervous. He is in his seventies so seeing him older worries me. But checking in with him over the years has helped. It's a very long goodbye.
I also had to say goodbye to my therapist when I movedd out of California This one is harder because he said it was ok to drop him a note or email onc in awhile. It has been six or seven months and I'm thinking of emailing him soon.
Having the door open a crack has helped me cope. Is this an option for you?

[toomanycats]

Unfortunately, I didn't GET a real last session with my T. I told him I didn't want him as a T anymore, then, a week later, I asked for a final session, and he said no. So.

I don't feel like I got any closure, my T and I are trying to remain friends, which I don't recommend...it absolutely sucks and doesn't work well at all but I'm clearly an emotional masochist...

It's been 2 months, the grief is still there. But, parts of it have gotten better. Finding a new T helped tremendously, because it helps to see that losing T1 doesn't mean losing all help and support in my life.