[growlycat]

I ended therapy with my CA t "sparky" about six months ago as I moved out of state. He said it was ok to drop him a note once in awhile and he doubted that I would misuse it. I was going to write after three months but I ended up doing it now at the six month mark.

I just sent off an email saying hi and giving him an update. I hope he writes back. New t "Kashi" is wonderful but it is hard not to miss old t. He was better at somethings than Kashi is. Every new t is a trade off. Some are better at some things than others. I wish I could put all of their best traits into one t. Or if I could still see all of them.

Anyone keep in contact with old ts? How often do you correspond? Is it just too painful to keep in touch?

[growlycat]

Sorry autocorrect on thread title

[ScarletPimpernel]

I contacted an ex-T once a year for 10 years. Last time I wrote, I never got a response. It's okay though. I figure 10 years is a good enough time to let go. It really helped me staying in contact with her. I didn't tell her everything that was going on because I knew she wasn't my T anymore and I also didn't want to disappoint her. But because of her, I can say that not everyone has abandoned me.

I keep in touch with both via occasional emails (mostly updates but also sometimes questions) and sessions (when I have something specific to discuss). Not very frequently, it tends to come in bursts of interaction. I actually like this better now than going to regular sessions weekly with only one. Pretty much what you suggested: taking the better parts of each and leaving the rest. (The psychoanalyst does not really want me to "leave the rest" but I do what I prefer.) What this offers is very different than intense work with one T of course, I do not think this scarce and irregular communication can be used much for deep psychodynamic work. Some yes since we had already developed foundations for it in the past. But it's more like coaching, and I can use that better right now. I will just have one of those occasional sessions with one T next week. For me this is easy because I have not moved so we all mostly live in the same city ("mostly" for me as I travel a lot). I don't see why one should expect to get everything from one source? Of course depends on the type of issues/work, but I think this arrangement is quite good for me to address practical things and underlying emotional blocks that are not severe.

[toomanycats]

I'm still in regular, daily contact with my former therapist (we ended therapy 2 months ago). We are trying to maintain a friendship. I do not recommend this, though. Despite what I'm doing.

I don't keep in touch, it would be too hard plus I never really ended well with any of them.
I am wondering why you are missing sparky all of a sudden Growly. How is your therapy going with Kashi? I can relate to struggling not to compare old t and new t, I don't think any t is perfect.

[growlycat]

Kashi is on vacation and I think that is setting me off. Therapy is ok but disrupted by his vacay then mine right after it.

Originally Posted by growlycat

Kashi is on vacation and I think that is setting me off. Therapy is ok but disrupted by his vacay then mine right after it.

Ah I see, that explains the missing. I hope you get the response you want from sparky

[scorpiosis37]

My T retired almost 2 years ago, and we've slowly developed a friendship. We see each other about once a month and go to lunch, and text in between. It has worked really well for us, but I know it's not typical. It's definitely different than therapy, but the friendship has its benefits as well.

[feralkittymom]

Yes, for many years. But it wasn't really ever about up-dating; more just catching up. The amount of contact has ebbed and flowed like any relationship. I would not say it was ever painful, even if news was bad. But I recently received a letter from his wife, telling me how his health has suffered pretty significantly. I knew he was having new issues, but then hadn't heard for a time. It's a bit up in the air right now whether he will be able to respond going forward, and that saddens me.

No, not at all with my T's, but if my current T and I terminated, then sure, I'd be friends.

My first two T's were assholes. And actually, the first one double booked my final session with her without saying sorry. "It was a mistake. Mistakes happen." Uh huh... I don't think she had any guilt or felt sorry. And then she kept telling me that I was lying about my symptoms. So nope, never will I befriend her. And my second T talked about him masturbating when I didn't even bring it up or suggest anything related to sex/masturbation. He completely came up with that on his own. They'd make terrible friends.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

No, not at all with my T's, but if my current T and I terminated, then sure, I'd be friends.

My first two T's were assholes. And actually, the first one double booked my final session with her without saying sorry. "It was a mistake. Mistakes happen." Uh huh... I don't think she had any guilt or felt sorry. And then she kept telling me that I was lying about my symptoms. So nope, never will I befriend her. And my second T talked about him masturbating when I didn't even bring it up or suggest anything related to sex/masturbation. He completely came up with that on his own. They'd make terrible friends.

Wow I'm sorry that happened to you!!

I just need to clarify that with my ex ts they are not friends unfortunately. Just ex ts that allow me to keep in touch.

[growlycat]

Yes! Old t responded to my email and it was sweet. He sounded happy to hear from me. He of course didn't say anything about himself even though I asked if he finally got his assistant. But it was a thoughtful email that responded to all the updates I mentioned. Made me happy.