I'm at a clinic. It's good because it is professional there, and the staff are nice. It's bad because I have been seeing my therapist for like 6 months now, and I don't feel like I'm getting better. I feel like a loser in her office (she doesn't call me that, lol). She is very quiet, and reserved. And I brought it up last time I was there. I don't like long silences, and i do most of the talking. I don't feel helped by her though. She said that she wants to let me do the work. Like, she said that she is reserved because she wants me to learn to do the work on my own and deal with my issues independently. I understand this, but I cannot deal with this. I am majorly depressed right now, and I feel like she doesn't care. That's what i hear from her. In no words, but yeah. I do not feel a connection to her, and I told her this, also. She said that I could switch if I wanted to, and I said I would give it the summer. And she wants me to be in this DBT group. But I have social anxiety and am scared. I think I'm going to ask for a different therapist. I'm always crying in her office, and don't feel comfortable telling her about my trauma, because I don't feel like I will get sympathy or support. I think she will just shrug her shoulders and say "I don't know if it's your fault or not." She said I CAN talk to her about it, but I'm not comfortable.

Things I liked about her before: she's professional, logical, and fair. She doesn't push her agenda on me. I feel like the negative things out weigh these though. I want to connect with my therapist.

Am I expecting too much? What if I see someone else there and it also doesn't work out? She has been helpful somewhat at some times. She wants me to trust my intuition. I'm just really unhappy and fixated on this. I doubt my probs will go away switching t's. but I might want to.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I'm at a clinic. It's good because it is professional there, and the staff are nice. It's bad because I have been seeing my therapist for like 6 months now, and I don't feel like I'm getting better. I feel like a loser in her office (she doesn't call me that, lol). She is very quiet, and reserved. And I brought it up last time I was there. I don't like long silences, and i do most of the talking. I don't feel helped by her though. She said that she wants to let me do the work. Like, she said that she is reserved because she wants me to learn to do the work on my own and deal with my issues independently. I understand this, but I cannot deal with this. I am majorly depressed right now, and I feel like she doesn't care. That's what i hear from her. In no words, but yeah. I do not feel a connection to her, and I told her this, also. She said that I could switch if I wanted to, and I said I would give it the summer. And she wants me to be in this DBT group. But I have social anxiety and am scared. I think I'm going to ask for a different therapist. I'm always crying in her office, and don't feel comfortable telling her about my trauma, because I don't feel like I will get sympathy or support. I think she will just shrug her shoulders and say "I don't know if it's your fault or not." She said I CAN talk to her about it, but I'm not comfortable.

Things I liked about her before: she's professional, logical, and fair. She doesn't push her agenda on me. I feel like the negative things out weigh these though. I want to connect with my therapist.

If I felt like there was no connection and that the therapist didn't care then I would part ways. I get that she wants you to do the work but her sitting there, not participating, not supporting equates someone getting a pay check for free!! That's a bunch of BS. I would seek out a new one. Good luck to you!

[toomanycats]

You could try out other therapists while still seeing this one -- then, if you find someone you connect with more, you can make the transition.

I think, more than anything, I don't like her approach. You can't solve a problem with the mind that created it. I need support and expect it from therapy. I understand she wants me to be independent emotionally. But honestly she comes across as really reserved and cool (cold). She IS nice, but I don't feel it. I need a better connection.

[satsuma]

I hear what you're saying. I don't think I would be able to open up about things like trauma, if I didn't feel a connection with the T.
On the other hand, the suggestion for the DBT group could be a good one? I haven't done a DBT group myself, but I have done the workbook and found it very helpful. I think there are/were some people here in the forum who also said they had found DBT to be very helpful. I think it's a lot of practical help with techniques for coping with things.

[Chummy2]

If you feel this isn't going to work, it's better to try another therapist. I also have social anxiety. It isn't as bad now as it has been in the past. I've seen several therapist with who it just didn't work. Part of it was also because they didn't know how to deal with someone who has social anxiety.
A few years ago I got a T who did understood it and she has helped me a lot. The progress was very slow, but there was progress.
If after 6 months you don't feel connect to her, then it's probably nog going to happen.
About group therapy. I don't know how severe your social anxiety is. I have had group therapy 3 times in the past and that didn't worked for me.My anxiety was too severe for that. If I'm too afraid to talk to a therapist about things, I'm sure not going to be not afraid to talk about it in a group of 10 people. Right now I've been in a group since August last year. This time it was so difference compared to the other 3 times. It is because me social anxiety isn't so severe anymore.
So I feel like you should feel ready for a group. If you can't talk to a T about things, you probably won't talk about it in a group.

Hi everyone. Thank you all so much for your responses. I don't want to leave the clinic because it's covered by my insurance. So what I will probably do is transfer to someone else in the same clinic. I called her today and left a voice message saying I want to switch, and that I'd talk to her about it next week during my session with her.

[itisnt]

I truly believe that if you don't feel a "connection" with the T you're seeing, it's a good idea to switch, especially if you've given it the ole college try. If you had only seen the T for a month or two, I might be more inclined to say, "Why not give it a few more sessions." But six months is enough time for most people to feel some sort of connection. We're not talking about having to have total trust with the T, BUT I'd certainly expect to know that the person I was seeing for therapy was supportive and willing to listen and adapt her style to my personal needs. Personally, I think that when you let a T know that long silences are uncomfortable for you, she should absolutely take that and change up how she conducts the sessions. Not everyone does well with a T who is using the blank slate approach; some of us, me included, is much more comfortable with a T who is lively, has a sense of humor and is willing to interact with me openly and often. Others don't want their T saying anything and find their comments are intrusive or unhelpful. We're all different and a good T realizes that.

Good for you for letting her know that you want to try something new! Hard to do AND you're willing to go in and talk about it with her in person. Congrats.

PS Just wanted to add that I don't believe in the whole "you need to do the work", as in I get to sit back while you spill your guts and you sit there in isolated silence trying to figure things out. Sure it works for some people, but a lot of people need a response (a nod, a kind word of understanding or a soft smile or word of sympathy) to what they're saying and although you're not asking for her to solve your problems by telling you what to do, it might help if she actually acknowledged your pain and struggles and asked questions that HELPED you begin to unravel and come up with possible solutions to your issues and emotional pain. If we could all function "independently" and do the work on our own, why the heck would we go to a T in the first place?????

Wow, thank you itisnt. I did feel like I got some smiles and care from her. But I had a T that I loved before her. Not romantically, just was very warm and understanding. I'm second guessing myself now because it's an issue I have. Second guessing. About my decision. But this is probably the right decision for me. I can respect someone and they can not be right for me as a T. I don't know if I should have waited longer. But I didn't want to.

[Sarmas]

I think for some perhaps that silent and figure things out on your own approach might work but it shouldn't be her universal approach. If it doesn't work for you then she should try some other approach that is more beneficial to you. I would look for someone else and see how that works out. If you don't feel a connection and you're not able to open up then it's best to try with someone else. I would think that abT who really wants to help will find different ways to reach out to you and make you feel more comfortable.