New to Therapy - Can't Breathe!!

Hello, I'm new here and basically new to the whole process. After a few months of very high anxiety and snapping my husband and sons head's off at the drop of a hat, I decided it might be good to go talk to someone to get some coping tools or something. I've been to two sessions now which have basically been getting to know you type stuff...just the basics I guess. My third session is Wednesday and I can hardly breathe. I know my therapist wants to start digging, but I really don't want to go there. When I was 18 I went to college, locked all of the ugliness away, and moved on. I met my husband, got a great career, had a wonderful son, and all has been flowing very smoothly with only occassional general life bumps here and there. Now, some 13+ years later, I don't know if opening the "Pandora's box" is such a good idea. I've never discussed ANY of my negative past with my husband or anyone for that matter. He is a great guy, very loving and supportive, but I would hate to ever see any hurt in his eyes or to have him look at me any differently.

I'm on the borderline of cancelling the next appointment. I'm pretty sure I can "fake it" until I "make it" like it was before and go back to life as usual. Chalk it up to a temporary hormone flux or something and forget about it. I guess I just want to know if there's every a time, in your opinion, that therapy can do more harm than good by opening old wounds?! Thanks for any responses and for reading this novel!!

Hi Goldie, and welcome to PC.

I think that if you don't want to delve into your past, a therapist should not force you to. The therapist should follow your lead with you choosing the topic for each session.

It sounds like it might be helpful if you set some goals for your therapy with your therapist. Perhaps say, "my most important goal is to learn some coping strategies for my anxiety so that I can control my negative behavior toward my family," or whatever it is. There are certainly coping strategies that do not involve delving into your past.

Therapists who specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy (very common these days) tend to favor a goal-oriented approach that doesn't delve into the past and helps with coping strategies. What approach does your therapist take? Even if the therapist is not CBT, they should still be able to help you learn to cope better.

That said, it could be you will want to work on some of your issues from the past once you have got the immediate problem under control. Or maybe not. There were things I didn't want to talk about or share with my therapist when we first started, but later, as I got to know and trust him, and gained more self insight, I did bring those topics up. I found it was essential for my healing to deal with them. I think only you know what are the right issues to deal with, so only you know whether harm would be done or not. Listen to what your insides are telling you. And that may change.

Good luck, and I hope you keep posting here.

Hi, Goldie. I don't know that faking will be in your best interest; might get the immediate problem to blow over but it will only come around again if what's "underneath" it isn't resolved? Yes, it's my experience that therapy gets messier before things get better. But one can't really lock the door on the old stuff, it will just keep expanding under the pressure until it explodes and makes a worse situation to recover from than your current symptoms of snapping off heads. Wishing it away doesn't work.

Therapy goes at your own pace and you can decide what to talk about and when. And how much of something you feel comfortable talking about. You can simply say "I don't want to say more about that right now."

It sounds like those locked away things might be trying to resurface now; maybe your unconscious is letting you know you are stronger and older and wiser now so you can deal with those things by talking about them.

It is scary revealing yourself and wondering what's going to come up.

The very things you talk about in your post--talk about them in your session so you feel more comfrortable.As my T says to me, You are right where you need to be at this time.

You can feel like cancelling the session but you don't have to act on it; you can instead decide to go and talk about how you were thinking of cancelling the session. Everything is something to explore.

This sounds so familiar. This was me 2 years ago. Just remember, it is you who decides what you want to talk about with a therapist. Only time and the development of the relationship with the thearapist will help you to decide what you feel comfortable disclosing. I've learnt though, that wounds from the past do manifest themselves in other ways in our lifes, such as anxiety/depression etc. Only you will know if the time is right to heal these wounds. Opening "pandoras box" can be very scarey, but also very healing. You are no longer alone!! Good luck, in whatever you decide.

Mine never makes me tell her anything - she says she is happy to listen but she doesn't need to, which is good because I could never actually get it out.
She often asks about how whatever happened makes me feel, not what actually happened.
You said you originally went for some coping mechanisms for snapping at your family. T shouldn't need to know what happened in the past, just how you feel at the moment and your emotions that lead you biting your families heads off

Dear Goldi,

I tried locking it up and eventually life's intrusions forced it all out. It's probably best to deal with it since it's knocking at your door right now?

Best of luck.

I had been in "talk therapy" as a teen and hated it. I didn't know how to tell my mom or the therapist. I'm now in my 30s and had problems with hating everyone and snapping at them, including family. I went to the Employee Assistance Program person who listened to my major issues and suggested a T for me that was in a group with a Pdoc should I need meds.

The T had me fill out an intake form and then asked me all of the same questions in person. He suggested trying CBT. For me, it was the ideal thing. My therapy is goal oriented, not talk oriented. I do find, however, that sometimes I do really well after a session and sometimes I seem to take a few steps backwards.

The other thing I've done is I've written down a list of issues, be it meds or situations. In the past, I've found that writing things was much easier than saying them. You can then hand the T or Pdoc the paper and they'll know what's happening without you having to try and say it.

Finally, if you don't think this T is good for you, tell (or write) it to the T. Most Ts understand that they aren't the right one for everyone. Don't just settle because you think you have to stay with the same one you started with.

Sorry if this is off-topic, but I wanted to say it.